A satire about me

A satire about me

A Poem by 外人 (Gaijin)
"

Ok, I wanted to write a satire but since I don't like pointing out other people's defects ... I decided to point mine :) (chosen my 3 strongest ones)

"
Man, I know you more than me,
let me give you a few tips,
don't care that much 'bout money,
it won't bring you happiness
if you're afraid to spend it !
Why hold it so greedily?
Can't bring it to hell, you know?

And, why do you eat so much?
Won't solve your problems eating
sandwiches, fries or junk food !
You just end up torturing 
your body and soul, that way !
Kill your moral eating that
beast, bet its taste's worth the crime !

But, first of all, wake up, bro' !
You're not more important than
any other in this world !
If you die, the sun won't stop 
shining, the world won't stop spin.
Stop watching you reflected
on that lake, Narcissius !

© 2012 外人 (Gaijin)


Author's Note

外人 (Gaijin)
Decided to follow the latin literal satire elements:
- Aggressivity against vices
- Simple lexic
- Perfect metrica (and 0 rhymes xD)
About the last one, I didn't decide only to write in 7 syllable verses but also in 7 verses stanzas (7 is the magic number xD)
Hope you like it, a tip: Do the same, you feel much lighter after poiting out to yourself your worst defects !

My Review

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Featured Review

Nice write. I like how you talked about money and food. I really like the feelings and thought in this, and in that last stanza. I like this part:
"But, first of all, wake up, bro' !
You're not more important than
any other in this world !
If you die, the sun won't stop
shining, the world won't stop spin."

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really liked the concept, analysing yourself in a humorous way. Takes a strong mind and heart to do it. Very nice!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice write. I like how you talked about money and food. I really like the feelings and thought in this, and in that last stanza. I like this part:
"But, first of all, wake up, bro' !
You're not more important than
any other in this world !
If you die, the sun won't stop
shining, the world won't stop spin."

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I believe those who write spend much time in introspection. usually we are our own worst critics. Its an odd mix of ego and self loathing.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ooh! slap the reflection in the water....."take that, Narcissus!"
i have always found it wonderfully wicked to poke fun at myself,
in verse and in song...and i am not loathe to attack my faults from time to time
this takes a lot of courage and a lot of personality, so beautifully done is this fine write of yours

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

11 Years Ago

Thanks, it was kind of difficult to write this (to accept these as my flaws, not to find them out, a.. read more
quinfinn

11 Years Ago

that's what we call an inside straight in poker!
I'm so confused.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

11 Years Ago

Why? xD
COOL

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

loved reading this piece

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"If you die, the sun won't stop
shining, the world won't stop spin.'
There is wisdom in the words. Life teaches us what we do and the kindness done is what important for a good life. I like the strong ending to the outstanding poem.
Coyote

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

beautiful ...good work

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Good write nice points rais.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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727 Views
17 Reviews
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Added on July 14, 2012
Last Updated on July 15, 2012
Tags: Satire, Poem, Me

Author

外人 (Gaijin)
外人 (Gaijin)

London, United Kingdom



About
Why do I call myself 外人? 外人 is a foreigner, an outsider, therefore we're all, no matter what, 外人. We all live as foreigners in-between two worlds: The wor.. more..

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