L'école - Haiku (translation below)

Hope you like it :)

Le soleil sourit,

le temps est beau, moi dans cette

école ennuyeuse.

TRANSLATION

Title: School

The sun smiles,

weather is nice, (and) me in this

boring school.

Author's Note

Today I've been kind of into french and I've also been very bored, the outcome of the two things is the fact I've written my first two poems in french ... instead of paying attention to lessons in class xD

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

I love the word ennui.

The sun smiles at me
weather is nice, me stuck in this
boring school prison

Just smoothing out the syllables which does not necessarily have to be done, that's why I added prison- maybe it feels more like réclusion - do you feel alone? because the last line could read something like

The sun smiles at me
school- serving time in prison
solitary life

Just playing take what you like and leave the rest.

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Both are cool but out of the 5-7-5 syllables scheme both in English and French :(
The first one was better, though ;)

[icelandicblue]

You can take the "this" off the first one and the 2nd English does have the 5-7-5 construction.

[外人 (Gaijin)]

English def, french (the original) no :(
It would be:
Le soleil sourit à moi, (7)
le temps est beau, moi fermé dans cette (9)
ennuyeuse prison scolaire. (7)

[icelandicblue]

That is beautiful regardless of the syllables. Do moi and scolaire almost rhyme a bit? T I read this out loud and I love this poem.

[外人 (Gaijin)]

if it's not 5-7-5, it's not a haiku, my friend :(

[icelandicblue]

That's not true- that is just an artificial constraint we have decided to use when writing in English. A haiku in Japanese means in a breath- words you can say in a breath. The Japanese haiku does not follow such a rule. The 5-7-5 syllable is an artificial schoolroom rule we have put on haiku but not all haiku must or should follow that rule. I guess we must agree to disagree then.

[icelandicblue]

I hope you're not mad at me-I just did a lot of research on this genre because they were all I ever used to write. : )

[外人 (Gaijin)]

no, i'm not ! Don't worry ;)
I just prefer how I've written it, making it smooth, hope you are not mad with me, indeed !

[icelandicblue]

Not at all, it's your poem!

[外人 (Gaijin)]

=D Just don't stop giving me your opinions, ok? I really need someone who tells me exactly what they think :)

[Ahmad Cox]

well at least you were still productive.

[MandaBear]

I really liked this one! One of my favorites. Great job! 100%

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Oh thx =D

[Lexi Nicole]

This poem basically read my mind (I'm reading poetry I stead of paying attention....whoops!). Nice work! French is a very interesting language.