Untitled

How much i envy that glass,
So luckly blessed by her fingers' touch,
Enjoy, greedy glass, in your short life
What my senses can barely dream.

How much i envy that singer
For getting her attention so easily,
Conquering her look at every song,
Anything i'd do for much less.

Play, music, play eternally
And let her steps, her graceful body,
Outstage your syncopated rhythm,
One day i shall forget you but she

Shall rule forever my memories,
Light forever my desire,
Warm forever my heart
Remember me i once loved a goddess.

Author's Note

Written this (don't know if i should call it poetry, i couldn't write rhymes, i tried so hard but i failed, guess i lost the gift of writing rhymes) for a wonderful girl i met at a show in Rio de janeiro, i simply fell in love with her ... For the way she dances.

Reviews

[Frieda P]

I like that we get the spirit of the lovely dancer in your poetry

And let her steps, her graceful body,
Outstage your syncopated rhythm,

I have Tiny Dancer stuck in my head now for some reason. Your sweet poem needs a title...

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thx :) i'm not good with titles but feel free to help me finding one :)

[Frieda P]

Very welcome, enjoyed this one....I always feel as though it's a child that's nameless, I know I'm weird that way, something 'Dacarina' or just that would be fitting, how do you say bliss in Portugese? :-)

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Don't know what it means, google translator translated with "felicidade", "alegria" (=happiness)

[Frieda P]

Funny how certain words don't translate, it's that way with Italiano too. I like 'alegria'. :-)

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Beatitudine (= something like "being blessed")

[.]

Well you definitely captured the moment here, and it's okay if you didn't rhyme..maybe this is a new direction towards your writing. Great job

[Tate Morgan]

There is nothing wrong with loving a goddess It doesnt always pay but it does give happiness in spades

[Krista Weiss]

This is such a beautiful poem! It's seriously the sweetest thing ever :) Really amazing job!! :)

[TL Boehm]

this is a blissful little poem. "remember me I once loved a goddess" I am not a dancer but I am so often enthralled when I watch them.

[icelandicblue]

This is like a warm summer breeze it's really appealing. I loved these lines they moved across the page:

Play, music, play eternally
And let her steps, her graceful body,
Outstage your syncopated rhythm,

[外人 (Gaijin)]

thank you very much !! =D It's curious you picked up exactly these verses ... they catch the overall idea i was trying to concieve at the beginning, the whole poem was thought to talk about the relationship between her and the music being played ... it ended up being completely different from what i thought and these verses you picked are the only ones that follow the original idea.

[Enid Blake]

You have captured that whole concept of admiring someone from afar. Those unrequited moments, the envy of not being the one at the centre of their universe.
I keep reminding my other half that I'm a goddess but he forgets sometimes haha ;)

[外人 (Gaijin)]

thank you very much =D =D Sadly i'm quite found of this specific concept :(
well, as a goddess, feel free to punish him next time he forgets it ahahah

[MandaBear]

Good write! My friend a sweet poem

[外人 (Gaijin)]

thx :) glad u liked it !

[kublakhan27]

A very relate-able piece for most guys, myself included...I like the stanza form, it still flows nicely even without the rhymes, and that resigned and envious feeling definitely comes through...great piece.

[外人 (Gaijin)]

thank you =D we guys really suffer, why is it so? :(

[kublakhan27]

My pleasure :) I know just what you mean x_x

[MandaBear]

We girls suffer too lol

[kublakhan27]

Very true, I was gonna say that too lol

[MandaBear]

I guess we equally suffer on the part of both of us lol

[外人 (Gaijin)]

yeah, love sux, as i've read: love is the best and the worst feeling ever

[kublakhan27]

Very true...as Sting said, love can mend your life but love can break your heart :P

[koty bell]

Love is magical isnt it? This was very good write.... Something we can all relate to

[外人 (Gaijin)]

thx :) yeah, it definitely is !!

[koty bell]

Cheers! Keep it up sir