I'm Done

It’s not any different

It’s the same as before

You’re still not sorry

And I can’t take it anymore

You say it was a bad day

And how you just blew

Well, it was right in my face

And guess what, I’ve had enough too

So you can take mean words and issues

And go walk out that door

I don’t have to take this and you know what

I’m done, I won’t take this anymore

Reviews

[θεά]

Absolutely therapeutic Evelyn. Going through a tough time is never easy and when a person is being difficult it can really wreak havoc on your mind and health. So important that we shut doors to those who don't deserve to be inside anymore. Well said and firmly written. Love it.

[Evelynn]

Thank you so much

[JJKimii]

I love how simple this is. It's a bit vague, but it adds mystery. I like it a lot.

[Evelynn]

Thank you so much!

[barleygirl]

I wish more strong self-preserving voices would write poetry like this . . . I get so tired of the victim or blame approach to heartache. I like the strong rhyme & rhythm, but most of all, the gentle tones of being fed up -- no drama or ranting, but just making up one's mind. So many times I see people who need to adopt this approach toward their unsatisfying connections! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Evelynn]

Thank you so much!

[wordman]

good for you !but maybe he needs some help

[Shattered Rose]

AMAZING!!!! There's nothing else to say

[Evelynn]

Awww, thank you :)

[Shattered Rose]

just telling the truth

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Well done excellent and so proud of you standing for what’s right protecting your heart - for out of it comes the most precious things- nobody has right to invade your boundaries and hurt you- wonderful strength in your words🌹

[Evelynn]

Thank you so much!

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

Always and anytime my pleasure🌹

[Pete]

sounds pretty definitive. doors swing both ways but not in this case. good write ...

[Evelynn]

thank you!

[richieb]

Evelynn,
A well written poem boasting of courage and integrity. A ballad for abused women of all cultures. Thank you for words that need to be heard by everyone.
Blessings,
Richie b.

[Evelynn]

Thank you for reading

[Dara]

Bravo! There is great strength and conviction behind these very powerful and brave words. It is not easy to walk away but so important when deep in your heart you know you must or suffer dearly in the end.

[Evelynn]

Thank you!

[JayG]

Were I the one this is written to I'd know why you're saying what you do. But I'm not. So to me, it's someone unknown, upset with someone not introduced, for unstated reasons. So when you say, "I won't take "THIS" anymore, the fact that I don't know what "this" is, or why it matters, kills any chance of my caring. But I would like to. So instead of telling the reader how you feel, make THEM feel. Pull the strings of their emotions. It's more fun to write, and read.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Hēdonē]

I think that they didn't tell you the specifics on purpose so that if you went through the same thing you could relate to it because if it's too specific no one can relate to it and also it allows you to use your imagination.

[JayG]

Allow the user to use their imagination? In that case, here's the greatest poem ever written:

"The "

It specifies nothing, and allows the reader to fully use their imagination. It's not mine, though, I think it was one of Shakespeare's early works.

Wake up! ANYONE can leave the work for the reader. It takes no talent or imagination—and reads like it. But readers come to us to borrow OUR imagination. They want us to take them on a satidfying emotional journey, not scrawl meaningless lines on the page, tell them they have to make it work, and blame them id it doesn't.

Our JOB is to provide a self-guiding trail that makes the reader wish they could say it as eloquently, or beautifully, or wish they had the imagination to have thought of it.

That's damn hard to do because it must be done using our words, but the reader's understanding, based on THEIR background, not our own. So beforre anythig else we must know how they will perceive it, and adjust our words to make them react as we desire by taking the reader into account. We use our knowledge of the craft to push the reader's emotional buttons, not tall them the result of pushing our own.

Anyone can write poetry. But make someone you will never meet laugh, or cry, or feel other emotions—and do it at your command—using only the words we choose and arrange? That's a b***h. It takes knowledge, thought, and lots of practice.

But the result is worth the work. Definitely worth the work.

[Hēdonē]

Okay, I see that you've only commented on the last part of my comment. So, I'm going to take the time and explain myself. Let's say I was writing a poem about how I love marching band, and I include details like how much I love how that before every competition, the trumpets do a breakfast, or how I though it was so funny that we tore up the turf at our away camp because our rival school was going to be there the week after us, or how the bus ride back from competitions are always the best, no one would be able to relate to those detail that you think are so very important. You said so yourself that writing must be done by using our own words, but the reader's understanding. And how that we have to make our readers feel things, well they won't understand the feeling if I give all that detail, they'll just be like oh, that girl really loves marching band. And with a poem about abuse in a relationship, it's really hard to make someone feel anything when you're talking about what happened to you. And I understand that a lot of people have been through an abusive relationship, but no two peoples experiences are the same. And if Evelynn did include all those details about what she went through, no one would be able to relate to what she wrote. Her words would invoke sympathy, not empathy, which isn't evoking empathy from our readers what you claim was so important. And sixmore things, 1.) satisfactory*, 2.) if*, 3.) before, 4.) tell, 5.) If you do so wish to see if Evelynn can put details into her writing I suggest you take a peek at her story called Proud, and 6.) It's quite rude to imply someone is stupid, doesn't think things through, and that they aren't good at writing. Thank you very much.

[JayG]

"it's really hard to make someone feel anything when you're talking about what happened to you."
read more"it's really hard to make someone feel anything when you're talking about what happened to you."

Yes, it's hard...if you make the mistake of telling when you should be showing.

Your reader is looking for an emotional, not an informational experience. They want to be moved, not informed. So if you spend time talking ABOUT, anything, your reader is going to be bored.

If you make them know how you feel, they shrug, because they don't know you, or your subject enough to care about you.

Assume you're reading a horror story. Do you want to know that the protagonist feels terror? Or do you want the reader to make YOU afraid to turn out the lights?

Talk to the reader and you're telling your story/poem from the outside in. Tell it from the inside out and the reader BECOMES the protagonist and lives the events.

This article might help clarify:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/the-grumpy-writing-coach-8/

It's meant for fiction writers, but applies to poetry as well, because it hows how vital viewpoint is to making the reader live the events.

Hope this clarifies.

[Hēdonē]

And what makes you think that I don't read

[JayG]

Look. You ASKED me to critique your work. And I have to assume you checked, and knew that I give a critique, so this should not have been a surprise.

Someone you don't know took time they didn't have to give you, to help you become a better writer. And did that simply because you asked.

In this case, that person is someone who has been writing for a long time, has been published in novel, short story, and poetry, and owned a manuscript critiquing service. That doesn't make me someone special, other than not a beginner. But perhaps it does add perspective.

No one says you have to follow the advice I, or anyone, gives you. You're free to submit anything you care to. But trying to explain to ANY reader why they SHOULD have liked the work; trying to explain why your intent is more meaningful than what the words suggest to your reader; blaming the reader for not getting it, is a waste of time because there is no second first-impression. You have a reader who knows nothing about you, your intent, or anything but what the words suggest to them, reading without you there to clarify.

So if what I got—what anyone gets—doesn't meet your expectations, the best solution lies with greater thought about how the reader will perceive the work, given before the send button is pushed.

It's hard to be objective about something you put a lot of yourself into. But any critique is about this piece, as it stands on this day, It's not a commentary or opinion on you, your talent and potential as a writer, or anything but the poem.

And because my goal was to help, not argue about your views on pleasing the reader, I'll bow out now with a wish for success in your writing career.

[Hēdonē]

Actually, I didn't ask you to critique my work unless you can magically read my writings that aren't posted as I haven't posted anything.

[JayG]

Ahh...You were so adamant I though you were the one who wrote the poem. I apologize to Evelynn for the mistake.

As for you, I called no one stupid. Nor did I suggest that you don't read, given that you're capable of reading my comments. But since you choose to interpret my comments that way and react as if you've been deliberately insulted, no meaningful literary discussion can take place. And in any case, this is a thread to discuss a poem you did not write, and therefore cannot speak about with any authority.

And since it is bad netiquette to hijack someone else's thread, as before, I will just wish you luck with your literary career and focus on the people who have requested my help.