Penitent

Penitent

A Poem by Einstein Noodle
"

Thank you Richard for your support and suggestions on my sonnets ... :)

"
P E N I T E N T


The chains, long forged, from dark, persistent paths
of blackened rock that smothers golden fields …
Akin to dragon's caldron swirling wraths
red scallion plates so thickly plied to shield.

Youth's steady stream of brazen, hot desires
as sunset looms on spent horizon's line
to steady reins of stallion's pulsing fires;
thus, rising bright, a new celestial sign …

Releasing now, imprisoned for so long,
the true and lasting Heaven's ringing call
in ageless joy of spirits sung in Psalms …
if one but trusts the Star of David's laud.

A rose forgiven each it's hoary thorns;
and thus made perfect, halos now adorn.

© 2024 Einstein Noodle


Author's Note

Einstein Noodle

My Review

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Reviews

Breaking the chains of past sins that have long since transpired and learning to forgive ourselves as God has forgiven us is not an easy task.

I love the images used in this poem to get the idea across

Posted 1 Month Ago


Einstein Noodle

1 Month Ago

thank you for taking time and i feel grateful for your encouraging review ... yes! we have such a st.. read more
Poetic Beauty

1 Month Ago

Absolutely i have a hard time forgiving myself
Einstein Noodle

1 Month Ago

I'm reminded a bit of Queen's " I want to break free ". At least I think that's the name of the song. :)
The desire to free one's self from burden and find redemption.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Einstein Noodle

1 Month Ago

what a loss ... and tragic death of Freddie ... Queen so incredible .. "breaking free" is exactly th.. read more
'Penitent'
Einstein Noodle,
From 'chains long forged' to reference of a 'dragon's swirling cauldron' and its 'red scallion plates.' From this intro of power within the legendary timeless to a story of redemption's reality. I was inspired by this poem's feeling of concise and traditional beauty.
'stallion's pulsing fire' to 'celestial sign' connected with youth's passion. I think people understand the humanity within this piece. The ending was so fitting.
A rose forgiven each it's hoary thorns;
and thus made perfect, halos now adorn.
Blessedly beautiful!
Kathy


Posted 2 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

1 Month Ago

oh my dear friend .. your comments bless me so!! as i have shared before .. sonnets are not easy for.. read more
Kathy Van Kurin

1 Month Ago

Thank you very much. Keep up your honest and relatable work. I do like it so.
Blessings to yo.. read more
Brilliant work. Shakespeare would be jealous.

Posted 2 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

2 Months Ago

i don't quite think so .... but thank you very much for the encouraging review .. i'm happy you enjo.. read more
Gene, My Dear Friend 🌾

You are most humbly welcome for my help … I am always happy to oblige an olde bard. : )
I am ever amazed at how malleable your skills are that you can so easy shift from abstract Prose or Free Verse mode into classically structured poetry … mustless, the most challenging, deeply expressive of all classical forms, the English Sonnet.
Among the many, one aspect of your poetry I admire is the unique ability to create imagery through the use of unique metaphor and clear simplicity in spot-on iambic pentameter verbiage.
Re: the title....
Perhaps, rethink the title when applying it to your poem … Penitant is a misspelling.
Alternatives:
Pendant: remorseful, ashamed, sorry, penitent, apologetic, contrite, regretful, rueful, etc. Penitent: contrite, regretful, rueful, remorseful, apologetic, chastened, ashamed, shamefaced, guilt-ridden. ANTONYMS impenitent.
Inasmuch that I know of your penchant for perfection, here are a few issues that jumped into the teacher's eye:
Easily addressed rhyme issues in V1 L4, "shields" to fit "fields" in L2.
V3 L2, "Heaven's ringings awed" to fit L4, "Star of David's laud."
Heroic couplet L2, "and thus made perfect halo, now adorns." to fit "A rose forgiven each, it's hoary thorns;" in L1.
One thing there's no doubt about, Dear Gene; with a bit of practice, you'd give the most accomplished sonneteer a good go for the money! And another thing; I must give you resounding "KUDOS!" for how beautifully you've explained the pure essence of what true penitence/repentance means.

Love the perfect photo, music choice, and truly valuable lesson for us all.
A most stellar Sonnet effort, my very skilled, very flexible friend! ⁓ Richard🖌

Posted 2 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

2 Months Ago

thank you always for in depth constructive critique Sir Richard. the title spelling is correct ;) th.. read more
Einstein Noodle

2 Months Ago

ohhhhhhhhhhhh! i just saw that the top title is misspelled ... am changing it this next moment :)
Richard🖌

2 Months Ago

Well,
You're certainly welcome, Gene.
Of course, full reviews with experienced critiqu.. read more
Very beautiful poetry… Gene .. there is Hope .. when Spring appears … with tearful fears…. Softly, Pat

Posted 2 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

2 Months Ago

Thank you Pat! ... yep, hope can spring up any ol' time.
"A rose forgiven each it's hoary thorns;
and thus made perfect, halos now adorn."
What a magnificent poetic set of lines pregnant with metaphor and imagery.
The first stanza caught me by surprise and I had to reread it several times to catch its potential meaning. It drips with imagery and various potential meanings. I chose to see it as a literal description but also a symbolic description leading into the next stanza looking back on youth and its throbbing wildness. The next stanza could be Zionistic but I take it as a call faith and redemption from what preceeded in in the previous passages. This reads as a masterful work.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

3 Months Ago

oh my goodness .. i am red in the cheeks and forever humbled by such a noteworthy review. thank you .. read more
terrific, poignant imagery. so well said. confession is not only good for the soul but lightens the burden and saves our back as you know who has it and paid the price... :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

3 Months Ago

yes yes and yes again Pete! thanks always for your support here at the Cafe' ... one can pick up the.. read more
Your writing has evolved over the last decade. Your usage of words has become more natural, and your final stanza is really good.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

3 Months Ago

my dear old friend :))))))))))))))))))))))))) so happy to see you active here at the Cafe' .. thank .. read more
I am going to have a tee made saying I'm with Gene. Your writing is second to none my friend. This flows and speaks so well to the subjct. Its like a piece of cello music played by a master.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

3 Months Ago

wow! i have a deep appreciation for the Cello .. mellow Cello :))) thank you sir .. coming from you .. read more

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Added on December 9, 2023
Last Updated on February 3, 2024

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Einstein Noodle
Einstein Noodle

Pork Rind, AK



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This morning as I began to log in to WC, it occurred to me what an inspiring and comfortable place this has become for me. There are so many talented people sharing, encouraging, teaching and learni.. more..

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