Pt 2

A Chapter by FallynAngyl

Untitled
Humans are so unaware
of what is going on
in other people's lives,
so blind to everyone
but themselves,
perhaps one day
there will be a cure
for there blindness,
but it is unlikely.

Helpless
i know that
i can not do
anything about the events
that go on in your life,
that despite my efforts
you are still hurting,
no matter how many times
I tell you that I
would do anything
for you.
I would lay down my life
to help you,
yet i can not
fight your demons,
same way that
you can not fight
mine.
there are times
when i feel
so f*****g
helpless.
things seem to be
so out of control,
no matter who i go to,
i am still helpless
unable to help you
win your fight.
interesting how
you mean more
to me than
I mean to myself.

Fallen
it seems so long ago
that i fell from
your grace,
strange how i am
more comfortable,
living along,
in the shadows,
away from those who
i had considered
to be friends,
those who i had trusted.
i now consider them
to be my killers,
I fell from grace
never to rise again,
forever to be
looked upon as a
failure,
to hear them say
"such a shame"
"what a waste"
yet I have never
been more comfortable
here living in
the darkness,
despised by those
who claim to live in
the light,
but they are so blind
to the world that
goes on around them
hidden in the shadows.

Death to all
Death to all
for all wish death upon us.
they do not
realize
just how close to
finally snapping
i really am,
how close to ending their
problem once and for all.
to bring a silence to
these cursed halls.
they purposely
lie to bring
others grief,
perhaps that grief will
manifest itself
on the blade of my knives...

The Changes
I can hardly recall
the time before
i fell
fell into the darkness
because my mind has
stayed the same,
merely my appearance
has changed,
my hidden pride can
no longer be touched,
yet i still have
one weakness,
for some reason i still
am very protective of
those who have
not hurt me,
those few people
who claim to care,
there is only
about ten of them,
yet I would readily
die for any one of them
and the fact that no one
would do the same
does not matter.

Fated
i have been fated
to spend my life alone
obeying one simple rule.
if you are not with me,
you are against me.
but even that has it's flaws,
for the fact that
those who claim
to be on our side
can still betray us
which means that we are
back to trusting no one,
for that is much safer,
easier to always
keep you guard up,
rather than to trust some one,
and have them betray us.
fate,
whether you believe in it
or not, it is still
able to get a hold on you,
my fate is simple,
to always be alone,
to be hurt,
and mistrusting.

Taken
you have taken the
only thing that matters
to me away,
you know not what
kind of pain
you have inflicted on me,
until the only person
you have ever loved
is taken from you,
you will never understand
I can not even tell
my luv that i miss him,
I can not even put into
words how much i miss him,
it feels as if i have
lost control over the
carefully constructed dam,
how someone could have managed
to sneak by my defenses,
i hate knowing that she was right,
that when i came to care
for someone,
that they would be taken from me,
for they have taken all
that I care about from me,
I should
have expected them to do so,
once again my
weakness has proven to be true.
that trust and love
would cause me the most pain,
i should have learned
not to let my
emotions have any
effect on me,
for they are used to hurt me,
and now they have hurt me
far more than they
can ever realize,
I should know
better than to let myself
love someone
i should have known you would
find a way to take that from me,
but be warned:
I shall not forgive
the pain you have inflicted on me.

Leave me in Peace
why can't you leave me in peace?
why must you intrude in MY life?
you want to know every
detail yet you do
not care to listen,
you claim that you do
this because you care,
all you do is hurt me.
i can not stop this
pain from taking over,
it is too late.
my life holds nothing for me.
all i have is pain,
mistrust and hatred.
there is no escape for me.

You
I do not know how
to react to you.
you have surprised me
you have gotten reactions
out of me that
no one else can,
you make threats,
say you'll spread lies,
say you 'll make
my life a living hell,
well i have news for you.
many have already
spread those lies,
my life already is
a living Hell.
there is nothing You can
do to me that
hasn't already been done,
no lie that hasn't been said,
no words you can say to
me that someone else hasn't
already said,

i could just ignore you,
put you on mute,
block you from my life,
and forget you ever
existed.
yet for some reason
i am drawn back,
curious as to what
drives you,
how you have come to
these conclusions,
and still I accept
what you say,
listen to your lies,
i do not object,
i do not argue.
i know that it doesn't matter,
you do not hear my words,
you do not see
my reactions,
you just continue
to yell at me
as if my words
have fallen on def ears.
Good Job.
your words have had
an effect on this closed
off heart.

Unknown/Parasites
it is unknown
why I will get
the feeling that
life is pointless,
that humans are
but parasites
on the earth,
something that needs
to be eliminated,
yet I am considered to
be one of them,
I know that one day
humans will destroy
themselves,
They have the
technology to do so
and after all
it is in they're nature.
they will destroy each other
they destroy they're home,
they will destroy that
which they need
to survive.

Over time things change
This life of mine
has taken some interesting
turns over the years,
I have gone from
the unhappy child
sitting alone,
to the hated one
watching from
the corner,
to the child who has
a hidden secret
of suicidal tendencies,
to the dark one
who knows more than
what she should,
yet has no one
to tell it to,
despite the so called
friends, whom she
is always willing to
listen to,
it makes me wonder
what the next few years
will bring and
a curiosity to see
if they will ever see,
wondering if I will
have what it takes
to make my
days End.

Trust
How can you
expect me to trust you?
the minute you realize
that i do trust you,
you will use that trust
to hurt me.
yet you know all
too well that
your trust in me
will never be used
against you.
i guess that is another
one of my flaws,
to know that i am trusted,
but never would i
do anything
to abuse that trust.
there are so few
of us who can
be trusted,
perhaps one day
I will realize
that the only
person worth trusting
Is Myself.

The Dark Void
It seems that we are stuck,
time passes,
yet nothing changes,
the people around
us continue with
their lives, but for us
it is as if we
are caught in a void,
a black hole,
never moving,
never does anything change
nor do the things
things around us,
people die,
and more are born,
yet nothing
seems to affect us,
in our state of
repetition,
wake up,
go to work,
be bored out of our mind,
come home,
talk to "friends",
check for updates,
go to sleep,
just so it can
start all over.
Nothing ever changes,
we are caught ,
caught in a dark void.
never free,
not me,
i'm caught in
a dark void.

Nothingness
you say that you
all care for me,
you say that you love me,
Bull s**t.
I know that you
hate me ,
you would be happier
with out me around,
without the tag along,
with out the b***h
to hold you down,
I would love to
just fade into the darkness,
fade into nothingness.
to disappear
into the darkest void,
a final escape
from your lies.
your secrets
and your hatred
of me.
you all know
that your lives
would be better
without me in it...
as i reach for
my knives,
my gun,
my escape.

Blinded
you can tell me
that you care,
or that you love me,
yet you refuse
to accept who i am.
what I believe
or even what I do.
They say that faith
is blind.
when in reality
it is humans in general.
if you only knew how much
i truly cared about what
you have taken from me,
oh well, nevermind,
it does not matter,
my life, me values,
my beliefs all
mean nothing.
i know that
i can only trust myself.
so leave me be.

Uneffected
i have chosen to
live in the shadows,
protected from you and yours
by the darkness.
I am aware that although
you lie constantly to me,
you can not hide from
my vengeance.
I shall have revenge
for the misery you
have put me through.
I will not accept
my defeat just Yet.
The Blackcat takes orders
from NO one.
I trust no one.
I serve no one.
I will not stand down
because of you.
I will destroy you.
same as you have destroyed
my hopes, my dreams
and my life.
I will have my
REVENGE.

Wounded
I have been wounded.
for many years I
have been wounded,
never healing,
never living,
never dying,
never free,
always wounded,
always hurting,
always trapped,
always cursed,
always in pain,
I am wounded and
unable to do anything about it,
No one can help me,
no one can understand
why i am in such pain,
feeling as if i am
being crushed from the inside,
slowly dying,
yet never quite giving into
my silent death.
silent due to the fact that
no matter how loudly
i scream no one can hear
my cries.
feeling so helpless,
controlled by so many,
yet cut off from
the world around me,
yes I am a lone hunter
but the company of others
blackened hearts seems
to lessen the constant pain.
a knowledge that others
are wounded such as I
seems to lessen the pain
of being alone.
I am alone no matter
how many are around me,
for they can not see me,
all they see is a child.
an intruder,
a shadow,
they do not see
the soul that has
become blackened
under others hatred,
they do not see that my
very being has become
scarred and hardened
due to others anger
and their blindness.
for some reason it seems that
those of us who live
in the shadows,
who survive in the darkness
see all and know
what goes on in around us.
yet those who live in the
daylight have become blinded
to everything but their own
insignificant lives,
problems, and worries over
what others say .
they do not realize that
in their blindness
they are killing,
killing us over time
with their world,
their society
there very being has
caused us so much pain,
will they ever see
the world that exists
only in the shadows?
exists in the darkness?
the world that wakes at night?
a world that has come to
despise theirs,
they do not see that their world,
their society has
destroyed mine,
they do not see that
they have killed my spirit,
they do not see that they
have forced me to survive
only in the darkness,
forced me to survive in the shadows.
forced me to trust no one.

Theory
trust should only
be given to yourself.
if you trust another
they will use it to hurt you.
use that trust against you.
friends are just as
dangerous as everyone else.
for friends seem to
be the most trusted
and they will turn against you.
no one really knows anything,
only what they have been told.
and the majority of that is lies.
they will tell you that they care,
they Lie.
people in general
are a rather violent race,
thought many are not
physically violent,
but the emotional damage
they are capable
of inflicting is
extremely destructive.
alone they are
just as dangerous as a group
yet there are exceptions,
like myself,
who are apart from
their society,
they are threatened by us,
the creatures of the night,
but then it is in their nature
to fear that which does not
fit in with their
personal beliefs.
they should fear us.
for in the near future we will
be pushed to far,
and we will put an end
to their society.

A change in views
'to my Raven'

you have brought about
a change in me,
a change in my behavior,
beliefs and in my existence,
because of you
my belief of being
alone is the safest way
to be has changed.
for now i can not
survive without you.
i now care more about
you than i do
my own life.
i trust you in a way
that i have i trust
no other.
you have made me say
those three little words that
seem to matter
so much.
I Love You.
something I have sworn
never to say.
for fear of what kind
of pain those
words can be used
to inflict,
so many people
have hurt me,
yet because of you
I have not fallen.
it is because of you
that i stay in this realm.
without you i would
go back to feeling nothing,
go back to despising all,
go back to trusting only
myself
to show love to no one.
I will not lose you without
a fight,
I love you.
and i will not lose you .

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