Pt 3

A Chapter by FallynAngyl

Never Be.

I will never be
what you want me to be.
i will never be beautiful,
i will never be well liked.
i will never be happy.
i will never be free.
i will never be what
you want me to be.
i will always be nothing.
i will always be ugly.
i will always be hated.
i will always be hurt.
i will always be alone.
i will always be trapped.
i will never be what
you want me to be.
this is what i am.
and nothing ever changes,
why should I?

Nothing Changes

nothing ever changes.
another day,
another week,
another year.
and still nothing has changed.
you want me to go back
to my old ways.
but you do know know
all of what was going on,
of my plans for death.
the only change is it is you
i want dead.
death will come for all.
it is just a matter
of when and how.
it may be wrong,
it may be right,
but it is my only choice.
death is my only escape.

Nothing

nothing matters
nothing ever will.
i am nothing.
i do not matter.
i shall always be nothing
nothing ever changes.
always hated.
always alone.
always in pain.
waiting for my death.
welcoming the day
when they will all go away.
the day i get my revenge
for what they have done to me.

Outsider

i am but and outsider looking in.
watching them go through their lives,
never wanting to be part of it,
knowing to do so would only bring pain.
they do not realize,
just how dangerous an outsider is.
The living shadows,
may be their death.

Do They Realize...

Do they Realize
what they are dealing with?
Do they realize with?
do they know how close
they are to death?
Do they know that one day
the Blackcat will lose her patience
and end their senseless lives,
with one swipe
of her blades.

Your Death

silently watching
waiting for the right moment
until your guard is down,
waiting to strike
to bite in and end your life.
the sweet taste of death
as your blood is spilt.
the next time you find
yourself alone at night
when the shadows seems to move
know that your eyes
may not be playing games
for in those shadows
death is waiting
a Fallyn Angyl
waiting to take
you for her victim.
you will never hear
your death approach
until the she-devil
is to close to escape.
and at that moment
you will know what
true fear is.
The Fallyn Angyl
will not show you
the mercy you believe
that you deserve.
your last moment on
this earth will be
spent feeeling all the pain
that you have inflicted.

IN The Past...

i used to think that
going back would be easier.
that to go back to being
closed off from the world
and to not care about
what happens to other people
what did it matter?
they don't care about me,
why should i care about them?
but now i realize i can not.
you have been the only person
to have proved to me
that things can be better,
and now you have been taken from me
it would be easier for me to go
back to my old ways,
but i can not.
you have come to matter
too much to me.
without you my existence
would be even more painful,
is that even possible?
without you my life
ceases to matter to me,
even less than it does now,
but on account of her,
I have lost you.
and everyone else.
and so be it,
my life shall end,
no loss.
with one swipe of my blade.
watching my blood flow .
no pain, no regrets.
no fear, no life.

You Said...

you said i could trust you,
you said you would be mine forever,
now i have nothing.
you have been taken from me
what mistake did i make to allow
this to happen?
why can i not do anything about it?
i can not continue
with this life
too many enemies,
too many lies,
too many betrayals.
too many problems.
the only solution is my death.
to put an end to these torments.
to end your involvement.
she wants me to go back,
back to my old ways,
to go back to being alone.,
back to being miserable.
but she does not know,
that they are all
that stands between me
and my death.
so be it.
no point in continuing.
i welcome the silence,
the final end to my pain.

Alone Forever

It does not seem possible
that in such a place as crowded as this,
that someone can feel as if they are totally alone.
friends, family, everyone, no one,
none of them seem to matter.
i do care about them more than anything,
yet no matter what i still
Believed..
i thought i could trust you.
I thought wrong.
you have betrayed me.
then again,
i should have known
that you would.
after all, they all do.
I trusted you
with my dark secrets,
my wishes of death.
i thought that you
would not hurt me.
i was wrong.
you stabbed me
in the back,
as so many others
have done before you.
I guess i am back to
my old rule:
trust no one,
for all will betray.
I do not forgive,
and i shall
never forget.
I have been hurt
by too many to do so.

Solitude
my existence continues,
my life of pain and hatred
continues.
i can no longer deal
with the world around me.
i want their problems
to go away,
to leave me to my misery.
I want to go back
to my Darkness,
my shadows,
my solitude.
i can ignore their
insignificant beliefs.
Their world holds
nothing for me.
the people i love,
too far away,
It has become that
their lives have taken
over my own,
now all i wish,
is to escape them.
to live in isolation.
My darkness,
my shadows,
my solitude,
away from their
hatred and lies.
their lives hold
nothing for me.

Ending.
How can you expect me to continue this?
my life holds nothing but pain and hatred.
i know only loneliness and mistrust.
all i want o do is make my pain
finally come to an end.
just one small slit.
across the vein.
watching my pain
flow down the drain.
no one cares
no one will stop me.
no one will interfere
with my death.
nothing matters anymore.
i have brought a final end
to my continuous pain,
watching my blood flow
down my arms.
my final ENDING.

Controlled
i can not control
the way i am feeling,
unable to deny,
the hatred that has
been building inside.
you want to control me,
you do not understand
that you are torturing me,
you are affecting me,
i no longer trust you,
what i do, where i am,
who i am with, who i care for,
all you must know.
you can not control me.
for i will turn on you.
if you try to crush
my spirit more than
it already is,
you will fail.
i am willing to forgive.
but i shall never forget.
if you gave me back
my freedom,
i may begin to trust you
again.
but right now,
i can not stand to be
near you.
i am read to end
what ever there is between us.
nothing seems to matter to me.
all that matters
is being with you.
i can not continue
with the way that thing are.
stay away from me,
never let me go.
help me to regain
my control.

Too Far
i have been pushed
too far,
pushed past my place,
out of my solitude,
into their world.
i only care for three of them.
why must i watch over the rest?
i do not wish to see any of them.
i do not want to speak to any of them.
just leave me to my darkness.
leave me to my pain.
leave me to my misery.
f**k them,
let them kill themselves.
i do not care.
he is the only one i want.
let them burn in their personal hell.
i'm quite content to burn,
as long as they join me.
F**k The World.
Death To All.

Existence
because of you
my very existence
seems to be only momentary,
i am merely inches away
from ending this,
to bring myself some peace,
because of you
i can not belong,
i can not exist,
i can not be left in peace.
I despise the world.
all i have has been taken from me.
you have judged me,
and i do not meet your standards.
i have felt my hatred rise.
soon i will lose what
little control i have left.
Time, like everything else,
is not on my side,
soon i shall make my
Existence end.
and when i do,
everyone else
shall join me in
the pits of hell.

Life
lies, rumors, hatred, mistrust
this has become
all that i know.
she has taken the
only thing i care about.
all i want is my death,
she threatens,
but it means nothing to me.
nothing ever will.
forget how much
i am supposed to care.
i am leaving their world this night.
my death in the form
of a knife,
as i watch the water
turn red.

I will never be...

i will never be
what you want me to be
it makes no difference
who i'm with,
it still feels as if i am alone.
which in a twisted kind of way
is actually a good thing
for no one should have to
put up with the amount
of pain and misery as that
which i go through each day.
just a matter of time
until i bring this
life to an end.

My End

In such a short time
this pain has gone on far too long
the time has come to make it end,
a flash of steel
the swipe of my blade
a sea of red,
fade into the darkness
it is all so simple
after all,
i have nothing to live for,
as my life ends
i remember what this
will do to you,
don't dwell on this,
or you might change
your mind.

How Many Times?

How many times
will I be left alone?
How many times
will I make an attempt?
How many times
will I let my heart
and emotions cause
me yet more pain?
How many times
will I ask myself why?
How many times
will I wish to die?
How many times
will I regret not telling you
just how much I wish
that you were mine?
How many times
will I cry knowing that
everything is hopeless?
How many times
will I dream of a life that
I know I will never have?
How many times
will I sit here alone
wishing I could be with you?
How many times
will you break my heart?
How many times
before you realize that I
would give anything to be yours?
How many times
before you realize that
I Love You.

Untitled2

Does it matter if i live or die?
would any one care if i ended it?
what is the point of living?
my life holds nothing for me.
all i have is pain, hatred, mistrust, and misery.
i welcome death
i welcome the darkness.
i welcome the peace.
the taste of blood,
the sting as my blade
slices the veins
a sea of red,
darkness closes in
I am finally free
of this cursed life.
after all, it is just a matter of time
until all you you join me,
and of what method you will use.

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