Green Eyes

Written 2/9/15 What green eyes have seen..

They saw the little girl in the mirror
Grow up to fast
They witnessed the wounds
Inflicted upon a victim evey night
They watched her soul die
The night her innocence was stolen
They looked on as the chaos
That is her depression spiraled out of control
They observed how she starved herself to perfection
But how it was never enough
They viewed the blood pour out
Every time the knife pierced her skin
Her green eyes
Have seen to much
Over the years
They are dull now
Absent of the light
That once made them
Shine so bright
(End)

Author's Note

Probably the most honest and real piece you'll ever see from me.

Reviews

[....................]

abuse and the lasting effects it leaves on its victim, written only as it could be,,, this is the most personal piece I have read of yours, Ashley... those green eyes have seen too much...well-done with the write...

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thanks Tom!
It is my most personal piece. I probably won't ever write anything that comes close to being as personal [if not more] then this one. But it was probably good that I wrote this.

[....................]

When ever we write something is allows us to see it from a different perspective... if we walk away from it and return later, when we are feeling different, we may see something else there we didn't see before...

[GreenEyedPoet]

That is very true.

[....................]

I do it all the time... :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

I've done it on a occasions myself.

[Brian]

I have an inkling of what lies beneath. Behind the words.

And my stomach, gah.

I'd take five minutes alone with the source of your pain. Just five.

Best wishes, Green Eyes, truly.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thanks Brian. :)
I can assure you most of those things are no longer a problem.

[Brian]

I'm glad. Still wouldn't mind going UFC on the someone, heh.

It's been nice to meet ya!:)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Haha well if I knew where the guy was, I could do it myself lol. But once I became a Christian last year I forgave him, so I wouldn't do anything to him now.

I agree, it's been nice meeting you too!

[Brian]

Uh oh. Does this mean I should put away the hoodood and voodoo stuff and break out the holy candles? :D

Just teasing. Sounds like you've come to a very good place in life. :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Haha nahh. You do whatever you want lol.

I have. :)
A lot has changed since I became a Christian.

[Brian]

Okay, but you're still allowed to have fun, right? lol.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Fun - as in what? Lol.

[Brian]

Oh, I didn't have anything in mind in particular. I just was joking that some Christians can be kind of stick in the mud types while others are cool as hell. Just depends. :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Haha I gotcha. I mean it doesn't keep me from doing anything I want to do. But my idea of fun is a lot different from most people my age. Always been that way, even before I was a Christian.

[Brian]

Okay. What's your idea of fun?

[GreenEyedPoet]

Most people my age only care about drinking and going out and all that mess. That's never been my thing. I'd much rather spend my time doing stuff like playing video games or hanging out with friends/family or going to like a museum or bowling or the movies etc etc.

[Brian]

Understood. Hey, I never got drunk until I was.. 33? Drinking and clubs was never my scene either. I preferred conversation that stimulates, sports, and video games.

What games do you fancy, dear?

[GreenEyedPoet]

Good conversations, that is definitely something I'm all about lol.

I play stuff like GTA, Saints Row, FarCry, the Batman games, Fallout... Etc etc just to name a few.
What about you?

[Brian]

Hence why you like me so much. ;)

So you're a console gamer?

I've played all sorts.. Warcraft II & III on PC, WoW briefly, Starcraft I & II for PC, the original GTA on PC..

Console? Star Wars Battlefront, all of the Halo series, Left 4 Dead briefly, Fable, Baldur's Gate, and others.. my brother's a bigger gamer but I like it. Never had a PlayStation, prefer Xbox.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Who said I liked you? :P lol.

Yea for the most part. Only thing I ever play on the PC is The Sims lol.

You just made me sad... Boo Xbox lol.

[Brian]

Aww, don't be a sad panda.. and *I* said you liked me.

I take it you're a PS person not an Xbox gamer?

[GreenEyedPoet]

Who said I was sad? Lol.

PS all the way dude! :D

[Brian]

...you just said I made you sad.

Are you not paying attention? :P

[GreenEyedPoet]

Wait...I did say that didn't i? Lol.
Oops I forgot haha.

[Brian]

*shakes head*

For serious?! lol

[GreenEyedPoet]

Hahaha I'm sorry!

[Brian]

Aw, don't be. I was teasing, darling.

[GreenEyedPoet]

No worries, I know lol.

[Brian]

I'm not worried. I'm amazing.

haha.

What has you up so late?

[GreenEyedPoet]

Ok, mr amazing lol.

1 - I'm talking to a friend of mine on here. 2 - I'm really restless right now and wide awake.
Why are you up?

[Brian]

I'm befriended by this lovely individual called Insomnia. :)

Any idea why you feel restless?

[GreenEyedPoet]

Oh fun... Insomnia...

Hmm could be a few different reasons, but I'm not completely sure.

[Brian]

Well, are they good? Bad? Pent up energy? Nervousness? Anxiety over talking to such a cool guy? Inquiring minds and all.

[GreenEyedPoet]

More along the lines of stress and worrying.

[Brian]

What is stressing you out? What are you worrying over?

I'm happy to listen anytime.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thanks. :)
Kinda stressing out about my eating disorder.
And worrying about my two best friends.

[Brian]

Sorry for the delayed response! You are battling an ED? I don't mean to pry and if I am then just tell me to shut it and I'll totally understand. May I ask which ED? How are you coping? What's going on with it? And what's up with your two besties?

*hugs*

[GreenEyedPoet]

It's not full blown like it used to be, just ED tendencies now. You aren't prying, so no worries. read moreIt's not full blown like it used to be, just ED tendencies now. You aren't prying, so no worries.
Anyways I've been starving myself off and on for about 10 years now. Back in Dec I decided to try and stop doing this. I was doing fine with is till a couple weeks ago. I'm going on a month long trip this summer and it's kind of stressing me out. I'm in the mindset that I've gotta 'prepare' for this trip by losing a bunch of weight - fastest way to do that is not eat lol. Because I'm gonna be around family this entire trip and whenever I'm around them it's like all we do is eat, so I'm freaking about it. I know it doesn't make sense, but whatever.
As for the besties, I'm not sure exactly. They've both kind of disappeared since Thursday. I have an idea of what's going on with one of them, the other one, I have no clue. It's never a good thing when either of them gets quiet like this.

[Brian]

Read more..?

Understood. I'm here to help if at all possible. What tendencies do you struggle with?

Best wishes, darling.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Click the 'read more'. You'll see what tendencies I'm talking about.

[Brian]

Holy crap sorry! I didn't realize it was a link! Reading it now. My apologies!

[GreenEyedPoet]

No worries. Sometimes the 'read more' acts up on here and gets stuck, rather then showing the whole message.

[Brian]

So what was it after 10 years that prompted you to finally overcome the ED? Does your family struggle with food and so thus being around them is an environment of negative reinforcement for you and your weight loss/self-image?

I hope that you hear from both of them soon. It definitely sounds like nothing good comes from radio silence with the two. *hugs*

[GreenEyedPoet]

Haven't completely overcome it, still a work in progress. But what prompted me to make that decision was actually my best friends. 1- cause one of them is trying to stop with hers too, so as a way of showing support I started doing the same thing. 2- cause they care, and I know it worries them. I always took it as it only affected me, so it didn't matter if I did it. But I realized that's not true. It affects more then just me.
No, they don't struggle with food, not that I know of anyways. It's hard to explain that part lol.

As for my besties, well I finally heard from one of them. I was correct in worrying, but everything is fine now. The other one I'm still waiting for her to come around and talk about whatever is bothering her.

[Brian]

Well, I certainly have struggled with food my entire life. So if I can ever offer you any support, friendship, a shoulder to lean on, or an arm to punch I am happy to do so.

I've always found eating disorders to be the most difficult because you *have* to eat to live and survive. Alcoholism for example can be avoided entirely. Stop being around friends who drink, don't go to bars, etc..

You can't give up food, y'know?

I'm glad you heard from one of the besties. I'll keep the other in my thoughts as well as you, of course. Best wishes, darling, truly.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Struggled how? If you don't mind me asking.
Thanks for the offer of support/friendship/a shoulder or an arm to punch lol.

Well I guess it depends on the person. For me cutting and quitting that was the hardest. Most people that have never done it, don't understand what you get out of it. You get a high in a sense from it. I've gone months without starving myself before, I just have never done it on purpose like I am now.

Thanks hun. That's sweet of you. :)

[Brian]

Oh, no problem. I used to be on a site called OpenDiary for about 13 years before it shutdown a year ago. Everything was pretty well chronicled there. I have had numerous bariatric procedures. The first was in '08 and the most recent right after Thanksgiving of this past year with a ton between them. I'm finally on the mend and feeling pretty good! :)

It's been an arduous journey. Lots of near death moments, but I'm stubborn.

Ah, yes, cutting. SI is quite the obstacle isn't it? There's something.. well, those who have never done it cannot relate to it. That's the best way to articulate it. I think.

Ah, don't mention it, darling. The arm was meant for a girl to whack at it. Give me your best shot! :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Ahh gotcha. Well that's great things are getting better, and you're feeling good! :)

Haha well good thing you're stubborn then!

It is an obstacle, I'll give ya that. And you're right, those who haven't don't it, can't relate. And no matter how much you explain it to them, they will never truly understand it unless they do it themselves.

Haha be careful with that lol. I might be a girl, but I've beat up grown men before lol. (Well only one, but I still did it lol).

[Brian]

Stubborn can be a good thing.

Otherwise who would keep you smiling night after night? ;)

True. They won't understand. And I don't think it is akin to say drinking where anyone can do it and once they have they can relate.. if someone self-harms just to do it they still won't.. "get it" I don't think.

It's like learning Greek, but never visiting Greece and never immersing yourself in their culture. You learned it, but you don't really know it.

Only one?

Bring it on, girl.

I got staying power!

[GreenEyedPoet]

Haha yes; sometimes being stubborn can be a good thing.

Drinking yes, but not being an alcoholic. I think that's different. Kind of like with cutting. Just because you've had alcohol or have even been drunk before, you still don't know ehat it's like to be an alcoholic.

Only one. I'm not one to fight, but the dude deserved it. He kicked my dog, and nobody lays a hand on my dog or anyone else I care about.

[Brian]

Why the hell did he kick your dog?! And tag me in, I'll go to town on his a*s when you need a breather!

Being me is always a good thing. :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Long stupid story lol. And the only way you're gonna be able to beat him now is if you go visit him in jail lol.

[Brian]

I don't wanna do jail, cause I'm too pretty. Jail will do me.

Fine. Tell me a different story! :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Haha.

Ummm I don't know what to tell ya! Lol.

[Brian]

How about a story!?

[GreenEyedPoet]

Yea, I don't know what story to tell you lol.

[Brian]

If you had one to tell that best revealed the essence of you..

[GreenEyedPoet]

The essence of me huh? Hmm that would be quite a story lol. And I'm not sure I even know it lol.

[Brian]

Then I shall await the day when such story not only is made, but you are able to share it. :)

Hope you're having a splendid Thursday! It's rainy here.

[GreenEyedPoet]

And what happens if that day never comes? Lol.

Today is going well. Hope you're having a good day too! :)

[Brian]

My day is going great. Just cleaning and doing some cooking before I have to run out and do some errands. Then it's the big Pelicans playoff game tonight. :)

If that day never comes, I guess I'll miss out on hearing your story.

And I don't see you letting that happen. lol.

[GreenEyedPoet]

That's good, glad you're having a good day. Are you going to the game?

Hmmm I could tell you my life story lol. If that's all you wanted, you should've said so! Lol.
Though I don't think it'll give you my 'essence' lol.

[Brian]

Naw. Not going to the game. It's sold out and my leg would be killing me anyways. I'll be couch potato proud tonight!:)

haha, wll, gosh I thought essence just sounded cooler than tell me your life story. Sorry for jazzing it up. ;)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Well enjoy the game! :)

Haha well if that's what you want, I'll gladly tell you lol. I'll have to message that to you though, to much to put in a comment lol.

[Brian]

I would hope it's more than comment-worthy! I'm easy to find. Thanks, darling!

[GreenEyedPoet]

Going to send you the message right now. Fair warning though, it's long lol.

[Brian]

Okie! Will read it after the Pelicans game!

[GreenEyedPoet]

Kay.... :)

[Zoomout]

WOW , it was honest and I love it

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

[andrew mitchell]

a most impressive write straight from the heart down your pen and stamping your great work on paper so to speak to be viewed by everyone. good job from me, nice.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thanks Andrew!

[Chris]

You survived to the morning... some of us do that, but never all... never all.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Almost didnt though haha.

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem told a true story. When we age. We lose our innocent. Which is very sad. I agree about the brightness. Kids glow and true love make us glow also. It is sad when the shine is gone. Hard to find again. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Ana B.]

A very emotional, honest piece, i enjoyed every line, especially the closure. Great work :)
P.S. It hit home, cause my eyes are mostly green as well :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thank you!
Woot for green eyes. :) haha.

[AaronFreitas]

This is an awesome piece my friend!!! I love the honesty... the passion behind the words in this write. My favorite from you so far Ashley :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thanks!
Really? It's one of my least faves of mine haha.

[AaronFreitas]

haha I like it :)

[sereenaoutloud]

WOW, i am actually speechless (and trust me that does not happen a lot) not only is this a fantastic write. It is so raw and vulnerable. As for what those greeneyes and to bare witness too, i am truly sorry and all i can do is hope that those eyes now see nothing but happiness. Sending you a Hug dear friend!