The Hourglass

I tried a new way of writing poetry. I'd love to hear what you think.

As humans we of time do cease

existence when we do not please.

The hour in life we lose our bearing,

leaving those we bound by caring.

When our sands do run amiss

and our names add to the never-ending list,

do not run amuck with fear,

but stay in mind with presence clear.

For up above inside the clouds

where those who go are never proud,

is a world of Heaven unlike our own

where only those of kind heart are known.

So live your life so well indeed,

and walk the streets without a need.

And when your loved ones gather in mass

you will not fear the Hourglass.

Author's Note

1) I know that in the last stanza, you can't start a sentence with and, but I didn't like it with double commas or taking out the and. 2) This is the first time I've tried writing like that, so I go easy on me. 3) I hope you liked it and please review!

Reviews

[loowzerX]

well actually it's your writing so you can start the sentence any way you please. :) lovely!

[Taylor H.]

I'm making up for reviews I haven't returned. So you may get a few from me depending :). OK, its ok to start a sentence with and, it just depends how you use it. With poems its doesnt matter. Grammar kind of goes otu the window with poems. I do like it and i think you should write another.

[Tate Morgan]

Wow this is awesome You write as if yopu were well beyond your years!

[Bella-Marie]

1) I loved all of it, I don't care about starting it with and 2) you did an amazing job with this new type of writing 3) Of course I liked it and I loved reviewing it, good, great job!

[Aislinn Gryffin ((Ashes..]

Terrific job =D
i like the slant rhymes =]