The Reverend Johnny B

Take it as you will.

No need to dress me in Sunday best
with shiny patent shoes,
no need to play a doleful dirge
or maudlin' sounding blues.
No need for a casket, flower strewn
or brass plate etched with love,
no need for church, religious words
cos I ain't goin' up above.
Instead dress me in Hawaiian shorts
with flip flops on my feet,
pour factor fifty all over me
to protect me from the heat,
as where I'm off it's hellish hot
with folk debauched and gaggin',
for sex and drugs and rock'n'roll
yep music, coke and shaggin'.
Politicians, clergymen,
noble folk and w****s,
will be littering the furniture
writhin' 'cross the floors.
So I'll grab myself a piece of a*s
might try myself a man,
"Why" you ask incredulously
well I'll tell ya, cos I can.
As here amongst those judged and tried
where morals don't exist,
it matters not what orifice
you enter when you're pissed.
Not one will bat a coin closed eye
or raised a hell singed brow,
here you can do what the f**k you like
any furrow you can plough.
So if you think when you are dead
you'd like to come and see,
drop me a note in the Hades post
addressed to the Reverend Johnny B.

See ya soon !!

Author's Note

If you know me you'll know the tongue is firmly in cheek, if you dont, hmmmm.

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Back to your absolute best with this full fat humour filled piece. Not sure I'll be joining you in the man orifice department hell or not!

[Gee]

Hi John, cheers. Best to be giving rather than receiving if you are gonna dabble methinks :))

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Nah neither floats ma boat!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh, my i am so offended....ha ha...

this is great...once i am dead i can do whatever the hell i want without repercussion....and opinions don't matter once you're dead.
i love the Sunday suit part...i am such a casual person...sweats or shorts and t-shirts...it is not the dress, it is what is inside that counts...i would be so out of place in a suit...why dress me in that? when in life i despised suits...or any other kind of formality...
appearance and perception are such limited ideas...the soul and heart of a person are what matter.
j.

[Gee]

Those that love you will know exactly what you would wish and hopefully will respect that, if not I'm afraid you'll be done up like a cheap suited waiter in a back street restaurant.
Thanks for dropping in Jacob.
Hope you are well.

[barleygirl]

JEALOUS! JEALOUS! JEALOUS! Your bawdiness is perfectly delightful here & I'm a-wishin' this had rolled off my pen. I must give you a run for your money some day. There's nothing I love more than satire on the established religious traditions, which you've done with such playfulness, it almost feels like your words are dancing upon your light-hearted rhyme & rhythm (another aspect I'm jealous of!) This is a great poem that appeals to my favorite mode of expression (flippant satire) Fondly, Margie

[Gee]

Hi Msrgie, thanks. Since mum tootled off this mortal coil I've struggled to pen anything but sad, morose, I suppose self pitying, so it's nice to get back in the "stupid" saddle and even nicer that it floated your extremely talented boat :))
Hope you are well

[Gee]

Jeez, Margie....duhhhh

[barleygirl]

I was noticing the lightening of your mood. In my family, my nephews lost their dad & 2 grandmas over the summer! A few friends have also kicked. It's been a tough summer for everyone!

[Gee]

Hmmmm, makes you appreciate just waking up...only the good die young, I'll still be here in 50 years time :))

[Robert Trakofler]

LOL I have often thought heaven must be an awful boring place:) according to the standards of human interpretation we must all wear pure white garb, be absolutely clean, never have an impure thought, a completely sterile environment and chaste lets not forget that:) no arguments or disagreements and all doctrines are resolute so thus far I have taken away conversation, sex, activity and variety:) hmm perhaps hell isn't so bad after all!

[Gee]

Well Robert I'll see ya down there.
Thanks

[Robert Trakofler]

You inspired my poem this morning Gee (thanks)

[Chris Shaw]

This may be fictional but it certainly has a ring of truth about it. Sort of story that would appear in The news of the screws. Remember that Sunday rag Gee? I reckon there's a few out there who will be sorely tempted to visit this place :) Hope all is good with you and your lovely lady. Have a great day.

Chris

[Gee]

Great paper !!
Morning Chris, hope you are well.
Wife and daughter on the way home from Vienna after a 3 day visit. I'm dog and ma in law sitting.
Thank you

[Chris Shaw]

What a good man you are. No doubt you have been tidying up as well for your wife and daughter's return. Have a lovely day Gee.

[Gee]

You too :))