Naked B***h

Naked B***h

A Poem by JayG
"

A "this is not a love poem," poem.

"

NAKED B***H

 

 

Oh naked b***h with whip and chain

You flay my soul, you burn my brain

You give me hate, and only pain

(Yet here I am with you again)

 

Oh naked b***h with eyes of flame

It’s not for me your heart to tame

To you it’s all a boring game

(I cannot seize your secret name)

 

Oh naked b***h when will it end?

My dreams you break, my soul you rend

In hell with you, my time I spend

(It’s me who’ll break, you’ll never bend)

 

Oh naked b***h with hip and thigh

Oh hear my prayer, and heed my cry

You bind my soul, my life you tie

(Please stop the hurt, and let me die)

 

Oh naked b***h, my life you crush

My dreams all torn, their contents gush

And yet to you again I rush

(And when I cry, you tell me hush)

 

Oh naked b***h, I made you so

With deed and word, and even blow

The things I did you’ll never know

(Oh naked b***h I love you so)

 

Oh naked b***h who I adore

Though thousands lay upon the floor

We run to you and ask for more

Oh naked b***h

Your name is War!

© 2018 JayG


Author's Note

JayG
This began as something angry, though I can't remember what brought that mood. And truly, I didn't know what I was writing about till I reached the last stanza. And that wrote itself. I chose iambic tetrameter because the drumbeat cadence, and the repeated rhyme seemed to add momentum.

The change-up from declaration to editorial comment in L4 of each stanza but the last was meant to lower the intensity of the drumbeat, as a contrast and virtual pause, though I have no idea of what prompted me to to make the line parenthetical, other than it seemed, to me, to imply a whisper. It seemed to work for me, but...well, everything works for the one who writes it.

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k
this is interesting, i really like your imagery. One tweak that may make it hit even harder is to maybe not start right out of the gate referring to the woman as a b***h until the end where your feelings towards her get stronger and you grow more frustrated and angry. its a really cool thing you do and the blunt language may help bring that out more if placed more carefully. Unless im misinterpreting the aim of your poem and that contrast between attitude and language is purposeful, in which case, sorry!

Posted 1 Month Ago


i love this. the symbol of a "naked btich" is perfect. hey, i wouldn't mind one in my life, even if hurtful. :)

you're a rockstar of this community, the cafe. thanks brother. a lot of us wouldn't survive without people like you, and i'm sure that true outside the cafe too. you're a good bunch.

Posted 1 Month Ago


She sounds like a nice lady. One to bring home to mom. Nomsayin

Posted 2 Months Ago


Sounded like a great night in until you threw the war thing in, then had to read it again, enjoyed on both levels

Posted 3 Months Ago


Well, the title and the first line certainly grab readers' attention, presuming that sex is the message. But then the very last stanza puts it all into unexpected perspective; only then can one reread it and fully grasp the association between a naked b***h and war 😂

Well done!!!

Posted 3 Months Ago


Nice. I really liked your style on this one. Way to take a topic that's hard to do and make it work!

Posted 3 Months Ago


I like it, it is raw and real and i can relate

Posted 4 Months Ago


Yes, everything does work for the one who writes it...great line in Finding Forrester when William says "the best time is just after we write something and read for ourselves before those who couldn't write anything like it, get hold of it and tear it down in a day"
The anger comes through here...and the surprise end makes so much sense...War is what lays men's bodies and souls naked...and often dead...and there are never really good reasons for it. It is like a Black Widow...sucks the bodies in...and spits them out rearranged or with no breath.
pretty powerful stuff here, Jay...
j.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Awesome twist. I enjoyed your poem

Posted 4 Months Ago


I must say that I was drawn to the title. As I read each line I found myself desperately search for the person who made you feel this way. I like the parenthetical lines because I read them in a whispered tone so I am glad you wanted to come across as such. The person ended up being war...lol..man what a twist.

Posted 4 Months Ago



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Added on November 29, 2018
Last Updated on November 29, 2018

Author

JayG
JayG

Philadelphia, PA



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