Fade To None

just some more crappy poetry

your chocolate eyes wept 

sweet tears upon my chest 

in the depths of our hearts

we knew this day would arrive 

this goodbye 

more suffocating 

than imagined 

in the space you left, I thought

I’d be able to breathe again 

but in your absence 

you  have vacuumed all of me 

into that space trailing behind 

three, four, five steps

and now 

an oceans distance 

away from you 

please release your unintentional 

stranglehold 

why did we ever allow ourselves 

to love so hard 

fight with such venom 

make up with divine pleasure 

different worlds

allowed the rift to widen

you know yourself 

we were only ever meant 

to remain 

side by side 

in eternity 

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

except for the last verse, this wrote me and my first divorce, perfectly...the two friends sat and talked and cried about what happened to the lovers...
i really like the momentum of this...and quit calling your poetry Crappy...not by a long shot...
"to love so hard/ fight with such venom/ make up with divine pleasure"
exactly how it was.
j.

[KWP]

Thanks J - last verse no good? I was trying to ‘keep the hope alive as such’ you know me ... too far away to work you think ?

[KWP]

I see your point , it could be reworded somehow to keep the sense of finality but have an understanding of ultimate intertwinedness ...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh no, that wasn't what i meant at all....i was referring to the side by side through eternity...and how in that relationship we were NOT meant to be eternal...it is a great ending...just the reflection of my first marriage was up until that stanza.
j.