Chapter Three

Chapter Three

There's no one standing in my tent this morning, yelling at me to wake up. But my eyes snap open far too early around dawn regardless, and I find myself covered in sweat. If I thought that the nightmares would end after the first one I was sorely mistaken. They had returned with a vengeance last night. Only this time there were more bodies, and I drowned in their blood.

I come to the realization that I'm not breathing. I open my mouth and inhale sharply, filling my lungs with the much needed oxygen. I shouldn't be able to taste blood in my mouth. It was a nightmare after all, nothing real. But I do. As I run my tongue along the inside of my cheek I notice that I had bitten it at some point.

"Damn it, get it together…" I hiss at myself and rub my temples. When I move to sit up my entire body aches. I pull my knees to my chest and stay there for a few moments, holding myself together as if I could fall apart at any second, before deciding that I'm being utterly ridiculous.

Of course I'm not going to fall apart. I'm fine.

I sorely crawl to the opening of my tent and pull the flap back to see what time it is. The sun is barely coming up over the horizon, bathing the sky in my favorite shades of pink and yellow- but I also see the smoke from our central campfire bleeding black into the vibrant colors. Normally everyone in the village is stirring by sunrise, but we don't usually get the fire going so bright and hot this early. In order to conserve wood, we only have a huge fire at dinner time.

Or during a meeting. A meeting that I apparently wasn't invited to.

I don't know why it makes me upset to find out that no one cares about me enough to let me know what's going on when I purposely make myself unlikeable, but I'm filled with a completely unreasonable amount of frustration. I rush out of my tent and head towards the gathered crowd, thinking that this must be about the hunt. After refusing to help my father last night, he must have finally stepped up and made a decision on his own. Or he let Ben do what he wanted.

I hear Ben's loud, assertive voice long before I see him and I squeeze through the crowd to get to the front, shoving aside a small child in the process to take her spot on the edge of a log. Her mother gives me a dirty look, but she takes it back when I shoot her one of my own, and taking her child by the hand she drags her far away from me to the other side of the circle. Good. More room for me. I make it a point to stretch out on the log that is all mine now before tuning into Ben's words.

"…so I propose that we take all of our strongest men with us this time. I know it's a bit of a risk, but they're not really needed here. We're protected well enough and besides, this might be the last chance we have to end this problem once and for all!"

Half of the crowd cheers in support of Ben's idea, but I notice that some look nervous about the whole situation. Most are torn between agreeing with Ben and questioning his sanity, but even if anyone opposed him no one would speak out against him. Ben is a tall, muscular young man with a sharp gaze that might even be capable of silencing me on occasion. For being the new guy, he certainly has gained everyone's respect, and when it comes to hunting especially, no one questions the recently appointed head hunter. Everything about him says that he's a leader, from the way he speaks to the way he carries himself. Of course that's why I hate him, but most people follow him like sheep after a shepherd. I don't blame them.

I see the contrast between him and my father and it almost makes me feel nauseous, embarrassed. My father is taller than Ben but the way he is slouching makes him seem much smaller. His indecisive nature makes him seem dull next to Ben's passion. He offers no input to the conversation and just stands there with his hands in his pockets, staring at the ground.

"There are six other strong men here, hunters, aside from Adam and I." Ben motions to my father, acknowledging him, before continuing, "I will take them through the trail that I learned on the last two trips. It's dangerous, but I know it better than anyone else now, and I know what to look out for. With me, you'll be safe." I see his eyes scanning the crowd after this affirmation, almost as if he is daring someone to challenge him. No one speaks up. Until I hear my father clear his throat.

"But Ben…" He feebly meets Ben's gaze and looks like he's trying very hard not to flinch, "Who is going to guard the gates? What if something does happen while you're all away? It's insanity to just leave us completely unprotected."

I didn't expect him to speak up, but when I see everyone else nodding I see that he has a point. My father had actually said something useful, and now I turn to Ben once again to take in his reaction. He's making that face- the one that he made on the tower when he was angry at me, but just like at the tower, he manages to keep his composure.

"It's simple Adam." Ben replies, voice a little bit strained, "You will be here, and I'm sure you're more than capable of keeping things under control as our courageous, wise leader…Besides, I think a few of our boys are ready to step up and take on more responsibility." He directs his gaze to some of the children, three of which are boys between the ages of thirteen and sixteen.

The oldest one is Timmy, a lanky kid with black hair that falls down over his eyes. He nods his head eagerly at Ben and Adam, clearly seeing this as an opportunity to prove his worth and be considered a man. The other two boys huddle behind him and seem more unsure of themselves, but their little eyes glitter with the prospect of adventure just the same. I'm not sure how much confidence I have in them myself, but it is about time someone made them useful.

My father is thinking now, and I can see him begin to give in to Ben, although he still doesn't look entirely convinced. Ben can sense that he hasn't completely won just yet, and so he tries another approach.

"I'm sorry Adam but we need the numbers out there." He sighs, "The last two trips consisted of only four people each, and that's not enough. We're not the only hungry predators out there. With the elk disappearing, our chances of getting attacked by other animals are higher. If we're too small of a group, we don't stand a chance."

"Is everyone else in agreement with this?" My father steps away from Ben and looks hopefully out into the crowd, eager to take in new opinions, but none spring forth, and the murmurs of dissent are few. The truth of the matter is ugly, and it's that everyone here is desperate enough to do anything in order to continue surviving. Not going on another hunting trip means sitting here and slowly starving to death. Risking lives to find food is the better option. At least, it's the one that offers some hope.

Adam waits for a long time before putting a hand on Ben's shoulder and nodding, "It's settled then. Get your men together as well as your supplies and you may leave as soon as you're ready."

Ben looks excited and shoots him a genuine smile, "I'll need about a week to prepare."

The two men go their separate ways, in the direction of their tents, and the crowd dissolves, leaving me alone by the fire. So the deal is done. I swallow the lump in my throat and try not to think about the inevitable fact that I will be writing in the records again, sooner than I ever wanted to. Will Ben and his men bring back food? Or will we be left with even less capable men than before?

I really don't want to but I can't help it- I start thinking about my mother again. Women aren't allowed outside of the camp walls. They are viewed as too precious to be put in any kind of danger. Here in our village their lives are simple- they stay behind and tend to the sick, to the old, have children, die of old age. Peace and tranquility, in this world, is hard to come by. So why did my mother leave? Perhaps it's because she didn't think there was any hope, that nothing could be done.

Maybe she just…ran away.

But that isn't consistent with the memories that I have of her. She would never leave me behind. If this was about my father I would understand- although she always did claim to love him, I never understood how someone could love such a weak person. I'd have no trouble accepting that she couldn't take him anymore. But me? I was very close to her…

A new thought occurs to me, but it almost sounds too crazy to be true.

Maybe she didn't take me with her because she knew I'd try to stop her, try to keep her here where I knew she would always be safe and free from harm. Maybe she knew that she needed to do something more drastic and just disappear, knowing that I would follow her.

I crouch by the fire and pull off my gloves, letting the heat of the flames warm them up, as I entertain this notion that I know is probably insane. But I already decide that I want to do it.

I'm going to follow her.

Author's Note

STOP- Before you go, please let me know what you thought of this chapter! I'd really appreciate it. :)

Reviews

I am still hooked... waiting for more. You have a awesome ability to plot the little suggestions and lead us from scene to scene knowing a bit more and wanting to keep going... Although you leave us hanging you do not push us off a cliff but... are able to gently lead us a bit farther each time... Great job.. and let me know when the next chapter is ready...