Chapter Five

Chapter Five

If I had known that Ben was going to accompany us, I wouldn’t have agreed to come. Maurice, Chris and I march in silence through the pine forest while Ben leads the way, taking us miles out into the woods where the hunters usually look for small prey when they’re not after elk. Since we’re still inside of the walls that surround us we don’t need to worry about being attacked by anything, but I notice that the experienced hunters who have seen what’s out there, Ben and Maurice particularly, don’t drop their guard for even a second.

Maurice took me out here to help me clear my head. What he doesn’t know is that Ben is part of my problem. I stare at the back of the lead hunter’s head and can’t fight the sense of anxiety that I feel when I think about my last encounter with him. I don’t think he’s forgotten either, judging by his silence, and his stiff gait that indicates how uncomfortable he is. If the other hunters pick up on our strange behavior around each other, they don’t seem to notice. That is, until Maurice gives me a funny glance when he catches me rubbing my wrists absent-mindedly.

They still hurt from Ben’s bruising grip, and now being in his presence makes it feel fresher. I can’t help myself, but not wanting to be asked any questions, I force myself to stop and flash Maurice a smile of reassurance. I think I succeed only in making it worse, because he doesn’t smile in return and his eyes are laden with suspicion. I should know better than to try and deceive a hunter who has been trained to notice details. He knows that I never smile. It’s not normal for me.

I feel like we’re going to just walk forever until Ben stops abruptly and turns on his heel to face us. I can’t stop fast enough and nearly crash into him, but Maurice reaches out to steady me, and thank goodness he does. Ben’s nostrils flare, his expression still just as dark as when I last saw him. I try to be nonchalant, but inside I’m trembling. It’s not fair for him to be so angry with me when all I have are good intentions. But then again, I was plotting his death earlier. Not that he would know that.

“Why are we taking four people to hunt rabbits and birds?” His irritated voice breaks the silence when he addresses Maurice. It’s the first thing he’s said since he met up with us, and I know what he’s dying to ask- he wants to know why I’m here. I’m not a hunter.

Maurice puts his hands up in surrender and keeps calm. He’s a larger man than Ben, and probably stronger, but the gentle giant makes no move against the man in charge of him, “I thought it would be a good idea for us to split into two groups. That way, we can each get one half of the forest and get more covered in less time.”

I try not to feel so self-conscious when Ben’s blue-gray eyes turn to me now. The words are on the tip of his tongue, I know it. I know he wants to kick me out of the group and turn me away, but something stops him. Perhaps he agrees with Maurice. Time is running out after all, and he’d be foolish to turn down whatever help he can get.

“She’s going to help us?” Ben hardly holds back a sneer, “I’ve never heard of a huntress before.”

“She needed some fresh air.” Maurice stops me before I can say something stupid, and the insult I’m about to spit at Ben dies in my throat. I still stand stiffly, my hands closing tightly around my bow, and focus on not losing my temper. It’s not working very well.

“Fine.” Ben walks past me as if I’m suddenly insignificant and waves to Chris, who, up until now has been silent. “Chris, you come with me then.”

The man in his forties with ginger hair who sports a curly beard shakes his head and looks at us sheepishly, disagreeing. “Actually, Maurice was going to show me how to set a rabbit snare.”

I can’t believe that the oldest hunter out of the four of us- someone who has been raised in this village- doesn’t know how to set a simple rabbit snare. Maurice seems confused but says nothing, and I get the sense that I’m not the only one trying to avoid Ben’s wrath right now. Not known for being the brightest crayon in the box, I suspect Chris has done something to get on the head hunter’s bad side as well. It’s too bad for him that now he’s on my bad side.

Ben’s eye twitches ever so slightly when he considers this, and he looks at me again, then back to Maurice. “Fine…” His voice sounds strained. He tries desperately to keep it together. “I guess that means I have to go with Lilith.”

I’m not thinking when my fingers suddenly reach for Maurice’s arm and dig into his fur coat, clinging onto him as if my life depends on it. Right now, I’m actually convinced that it does. He tries to act casual but I can tell that he’s gently trying to pull away from me, probably scared by the intensity of my reaction to this news.

“Are you sure you want to go with Maurice?” I ask Chris, fighting the panic in my voice, “Because I hear Ben’s just the nicest guy…you’d be missing out on a lovely hunt.”

If they weren’t all looking at me strangely before, they truly are now. Chris’s fuzzy eyebrows come together when he frowns at me, his eyes almost disappearing underneath them. Maurice stiffens beneath my fingertips. Ben is still wearing a sour expression, but I swear I see a hint of amusement. He probably thinks it’s funny that I’m so clearly afraid of him.

“Um…no thanks. You can have him.” Chris is too quick to respond. It’s clear that there’s no convincing him of going with anyone else other than the safe, sane Maurice who is the only one here that’s not liable to stab someone.

“But-but-but…” I stutter, and while I’m thinking of something else to say that might help me, Maurice finally escapes my death hold.

“It will be fine Lilith. Ben will protect you from any danger.” He chuckles and waves to Chris. It’s apparent that he wants to leave as soon as possible now to escape this situation that might seem embarrassing to him. It occurs to me that he probably thinks that, as a “defenseless” girl, I’m afraid of the woods. What he doesn’t know is that he probably just sealed my fate. Ben can protect me from outside dangers, but who’s going to protect me from Ben?

“But wait! You don’t understand, he’s going to-“

But Chris and Maurice have already disappeared, and I can’t chase after them now. An awkward silence takes over now that Ben and I are left alone. I flip my thick, black hair to one side of my face to hide it, using it as a shield and blocking my view of him from my peripheral vision. I dare not look at him. Another human being has never made me so nervous before. I’m usually on the flip side of the situation.

“I’m going to do…what, exactly?” There’s more amusement than malice in Ben’s voice now, but I’m not foolish enough to think he’s forgiven me so quickly.

He’s going to kill me. That’s what I was going to say. But now that he asks I’m not going to say it out loud. No need to give him ideas.

“Um…you’re going to teach me how to use this?” It comes out like a question as I hold up my bow and arrows. That has to be the stupidest lie I’ve ever told, but I guess Ben buys it, because he’s never seen me use my weapon before in person, so it isn’t hard for him to assume I’m clueless.

“Right…” He trails off and adjusts his bow, redistributing its weight on his shoulder, “Listen, I don’t have time for your neuroticism right now. We’re wasting time. Let’s go.”

My neuroticism? I bite back a comment as I follow close behind him, my hands tight on my weapon. The farther away we get from Maurice and Chris the more my nervousness grows. This forest is traveled so frequently by our hunters that it doesn’t make sense for Ben to kill me and leave me here because someone would find me for sure. Still, I can’t fight the feeling that something very bad could happen out here.

I observe Ben from the back, noticing that his short, thick hair sticks out in places as if he hasn’t had time to tend to it lately. He’s about twenty-five years old, but the dark circles under his eyes age him. I feel a minor pang of sympathy for the man in charge of putting together the hunt. It’s a lot of weight to carry on one’s shoulders. I still wish he could be nicer, which is ironic coming from someone like me.

“How did you end up coming with us?” He calls over his shoulder and tries to act casual, but I know that it still upsets him that I’m here.

“I threw a rock at Timmy and Maurice said I needed therapy.” I shrug.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” He sighs and puts an arrow onto his bow, raising it to eye level and pointing it at the trees. I see the gleam of the sunlight as it catches the tip of the arrow and suppress a shudder. I imagine that arrow going into me. He wouldn’t shoot me…he couldn’t, “You make it a habit of attacking people that you disagree with.” He observes. It’s a statement, not a question.

I frown, “Only when it’s for something that counts.”

“Don’t be such a drama queen.” He growls, “I’m sure half the people you hurt don’t deserve it. You need to learn to control that temper of yours.”

His eyes scan the treetops, searching for something to shoot, while I linger behind and finger the knife in my pocket. Maurice had given it to me for this particular hunt. It’s useful for tying up any loose ends when you shoot an animal, just in case.

My gloved fingers feel the wickedly sharp blade. I love the coolness of the metal. To me it represents justice- cold, and swift. As I stand there in the shadows cast by the trees, the idea of sinking a blade into Ben pops into mind again. No one has ever treated me like he has. I should teach him a lesson. I could deliver justice right now…

No. Now is not the time. Instead, I occupy myself with searching for a reply to his stinging comment.

“Oh that’s funny coming from the guy who threatened to throw me off of a tower because I said I want to find my mother!” I snap. The knife slides out of my pocket and I’m trembling. No. I have to stop myself.

“You know why I did that!” A bird that Ben had his eye on hears his startling voice and takes off in a panic. Ben’s hands shake, and I swear he’ll snap his bow in half if he holds that thing any tighter, “You attacked me first!”

“Because you told me I was crazy!” The knife begs for blood. The angrier I get the more it speaks to me, shouting at me to spill it. Shouting at me for vengeance. I don’t want to fear Ben. He will learn to fear me.

Stop Lilith. No. The other voice speaks to me, desperately trying to override the first.

My blade cuts through the air, faster than lightning, and I hear a sickening thud.

The knife sinks into the bark of the tree beside me. I carve into it furiously, imagining that it’s flesh. The satisfying feeling of having it damage something, anything, helps me regain what’s left of my sanity if only for the moment. Meanwhile, Ben is speaking.

“Because you are.” He still hasn’t turned to face me, but I’m not paying attention to him either, my eyes glued to the tree. Glued to the knife that I attacked it with. “Everyone’s sick of your little rebel act, Lilith. You’re nothing but a drag to these people and if you don’t start cooperating then you might as well not be here at all!”

My lips part but no words come out. My hands start to shake and suddenly I have no energy left in them. Pulling the knife free, I slowly fall to my knees, tears stinging my eyes. I refuse to let them spill, but they are there, burning me. Taunting me.

“Maybe you’re right…” I whisper, and slide off one of my gloves. The freezing air bites at my skin but I ignore it as I press the blade lightly to my palm. “Maybe I shouldn’t be here…”

I have the sudden urge to see my own blood and I can’t explain it. Ben’s words have such a profound effect on me that I realize he just said out loud what I’ve been thinking all along. I am a drag. I’m useless. I’m lost.

I start to press into my palm without really thinking about it, but something buzzes by my head, stirring my hair, and I scream, startled. I fall backwards and the arrow just barely misses me.

“What the hell Ben!”

Ben points to the fallen bird behind me and shrugs, “Just hunting.”

I scramble to my feet and try to still the erratic beating of my heart, a rush of adrenaline making me dizzy, “You did that on purpose!”

But Ben doesn’t say anything, and when he walks away to continue our hunt, I follow him in silence.

It isn’t long before we reach the clearing that I had visited not long ago on the night that my mother’s official death was announced. All of the mixed emotions I felt that day resurface, hitting me like a brick wall as soon as I step foot out of the tree-line. Don’t break down here. You can’t break down here. I’m so absorbed with my inner turmoil that I scream with surprise when I hear the voice in my ear.

“So the first thing you have to do is stand with your feet shoulder length apart.”

I whip around to find that Ben snuck behind me. His expression doesn’t change when he takes in my unreasonable reaction. He is eerily calm. Almost bored. It’s the first time he’s spoken to me in at least a half hour.

“W-what are you talking about?” I hate the stutter in my voice as I puzzle over his strange piece of advice.

“You wanted me to teach you how to use a bow and arrow. I thought this clearing was a good place. Lots of open room.” He shrugs and looks a little bit impatient, as if I am somehow forcing him to do this.

I laugh a little bit and toss my hair back, suddenly regaining my confidence. He doesn’t realize that I already know how to use this weapon better than most people in the village. Mother had taught me. I can tell by Ben’s face that he doesn’t really think I’m worth teaching. I want to show him just how wrong he is.

“So you mean like this?” I lift my chin and load an arrow into my bow in seconds, my eyes focusing in on a target. I know what I want to shoot. And I’m not going to miss.

Ben barely has time to duck as the arrow soars over his head and pins a squirrel to the tree behind him. The animal lets out a short-lived shriek of terror before going stiff. I give Ben a smug smile, but he looks flustered and taken aback, his steel colored eyes wide and regarding me with something I’d never seen before- begrudging respect.

“Um…right. Like that…Keep up the good work…”

I smirk with satisfaction while he goes to collect the squirrel. He doesn’t try to talk to me again, and at nightfall we return to camp.

 

I sit by the campfire later that night with one leg tucked under me, sitting on a log and sipping some pine needle tea. I look up at the numerous stars in the sky and feel, for the first time in a long time, some actual tranquility. Maurice had been right when he said hunting would help me feel better. Of course, hunting with Ben had only made things worse at first, but after he discovered that I know how to use a bow and arrow better than even he does, he didn’t seem to be so angry with me anymore.

Or maybe he just realized that I could kill him if he pissed me off and was smart enough to not step on my toes.

We had collected a decent amount of prey and I could see Chris in the distance preparing it, cutting it into strips to dry it out. I feel proud of myself that I did something to help the hunters. Not only is this the first time I can feel a small sense of peace, but also a healthy kind of pride.

I feel the log beneath me shift slightly and turn to see that someone sits beside me. It’s Ben. But this time I don’t stiffen or make a face or feel uncomfortable as usual. All I do is turn to look at him, my dark brown eyes meeting his curiously.

“How did you learn to use a bow and arrow like that?” He asks me. His light colored eyes reflect the glow of the flames, making them appear red and orange. I like how his eyes can do that. I don’t know why that thought pops into my head though.

“I wasn’t raised in the conventional way.” I shrug, sipping some more of my tea without breaking eye contact. I’m trying to study his face, to see if I can find any traces of the monster within that I had seen before, but it’s all gone now, for whatever reason. I actually feel…safe. “While the other girls were braiding hair and singing songs my mother taught me how to do a lot of things.”

“Your mother huh?” For some reason he seems to find this amusing, “She was a crazy woman. I didn’t know her for long, but I can see where you get your insanity from.” Unlike before, he’s clearly joking. The tone of his voice is not implying anymore that I’ve actually gone mad.

“She is pretty special.” I refuse to speak of my mother in the past-tense. It takes me a second to notice that this is actually the first time I’ve actually talked about her since her disappearance.

Ben clears his throat and nods. He laces his fingers together and stares at his hands, “Listen…I’m sorry I got so mad at you before. I thought you were just being stupid. I mean, you are stupid. But I should have known that they made you a guard for a reason, and now…you’re a hunter too. Or should I say, huntress.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I’m actually tempted to pinch myself to see if this is a dream, but I don’t have to, because I sip my tea too fast and it burns my tongue. Ouch…yes I’m awake. I choke on it and cough into my arm. Ben chuckles and reaches around to pat me on the back. I’m not sure how I feel about him touching me without permission, but the news I just heard is too exciting for me to care.

“You’re making me a hunter?!”

“Huntress.”

"Right…I can’t believe I’m going to be a huntress!!!”

“Shhh…keep your voice down, the other guys won’t like it…” Ben cautions me, his eyes searching the camp to see if anyone had heard us, “Yeah, you’re coming with us. I don’t know how we’re going to sneak you out of here without the other guys rioting, but you’ll do more good out there than in here. You’ve proved to me that you are capable of a lot, Lilith. You’ve earned it.”

I’m still in shock. My brain can’t even process this. So Ben not only makes me a huntress, but he’scomplimenting me?

I stare at him, dumbfounded, for a few seconds. I’m not sure what to do. I’m pretty sure there’s an appropriate response to this but I’ve forgotten how to express joy. And then I remember- there issomething I can do.

I suddenly throw my arms around him and pull him in for a tight hug. The gesture is surprising, even to myself, as are my next words.

“Oh Ben! Thank you! Thank you so much!”

For a moment, he doesn’t really seem to know how to respond either, but then I feel his arms around me too, hugging me gently. “Um…yeah. Sure. No problem.”

I’m a huntress.

I’m a huntress!!!!

And I’m going out past the wall.

Author's Note

Hey you- yeah you in the shirt- leave a comment! :)