Attempted Suicide

I had just moved to Salt Spring Island

At the age of eleven

I had no real friends

I was so lonely

As I looked on the window

On the school bus

As I rode home

I was a fat little kid

I had breasts that would jiggle

As the school bus rolled along

It made me feel so insecure

I wanted to die

I felt like the other children could see

How gross it was

So when I went home

I told my mother in tears

That I was going to kill myself

Because I was a loser

I was so hurt

I laid on my bed

Grabbed my neck with both hands

And choked myself

I didn't realize it was physically impossible

To kill yourself that way

God I felt like some a piece of garbage

Eventually I gave it up

And hugged it out and cried as I talked to my mom

Who my family talks s**t about

But she's always done right by me

She's always been there when I needed her

Reviews

[SheWolfNLust]

its good you have someone like your mom there for you, its sad how other kids bully and make you feel like you are less than nothing, I grew up being bullied and treated that way, I will say suicide is not the answer, that line hit me hard cause I just lost my brother, and only wish he saw that that wasn't the answer, powerful penning and thanks for sharing xoxo

[Bri]

Wow, you have no shame now as you share your past. This is amazing. It shows the emotions of someone who just wants to be accepted. I know how that feels, and you've captured this very well.

[Veronica Ostling-Hirsch..]

This is very beautiful. You embraced your past pain and I enjoyed reading this more than I had anticipated. The ending was very sweet, and showed how close you were to your mother and how affectionate she was. My mother is very much the same. Thank you for writing this and sharing something that caused you to be sad. Life is funny, isn't it?

[Prritiy]

blessed are those who have family around them and so you too are. Mothers are God :)

its bad you went through all this, but good you have triumphed over it.

best wishes

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

I'm glad you didn't, yes it's a mean world thanks to Mama we're able to read your talent today. Nicely penned

[Dye]

What a brave thing to write about, it can be hard to lay feelings and thoughts out---never knowing how it will be received. I believe that quite a few kids could probably relate to this, especially when the views of your peers feel like the most important thing at the time. I love that you talk about your mother in such a sweet way, regardless of what anyone thinks of her--- she was your comfort, and saved you in a sense.....even if was just from your own thoughts. Thank you for sharing a personal topic.

[Molly Brightly]

You express yourself so clearly here, this is really great

I'm so sorry you went through this - someone said this to me once, and it's what I live by every day,

"You cannot be replaced"

[Foxemerald]

A nice expression on the varieties in our human qualities, that make us complex, intelligent beings. A vast expression and great description of our state of mind, and the pain that some of us have to go through in our lives- something that many people need to hear. I have to say, though I'm not quite sure what to say about A Wild Ride, lol.

[FlatLineBeauty]

I've been there in a different way, and the pain of being insecure with one's self is one of the hardest battles to over come, but sometimes we sink so low that we do one of two things when we hit rock bottom. You see if we are flat down on our back at the very bottom we have no place to go but up, or you can lay there and stay there. The choice is ours. Lovely write and well expressed. Your mother is an amazing woman. xo Winter