Watched

It came with a slap in the face

A laceration to the cheek tissue

As his nose vacuumed pixie sticks

Trying to emulate his father, silly kid

Sitting on a couch of tweed

Oddly checkered and lined

In browns and tans

His nose sniffing

A cheap mahogany-finished, wallpaper-covered coffee table

That`s only worthy of the instant stuff

A six-year-old powder keg started filling

With a couple pixels of snow

He watched his father

So he knew the best way to grow

A seed watered unknowingly

Like clouds fall to rain randomly

Reviews

[linda m. crate]

This one tugs at the heart strings. I liked it, though, because it's very true. Children often emulate their parents. I had a four year old curse me out once, and his parents were appalled and asked him where he learned that language. Obviously from you or the television programs you watch. Children and writers are much the same - we watch people, we learn from people, and sometimes we emulate said people. Every child, I think, for the most part has a desire to make their parents proud. That's what I get from this. He was trying to be like the 'daddy' he loved even if father dearest wasn't the best source of morality.

[kublakhan27]

Incredibly poignant with an air of unease permeating it from start to finish...fine work Luke.

[Johanna]

Really interesting and sad.. eye-opener kind of poem with a lot of depth. Good work!

[Melobldnfr]

This made me think of my stepsister sitting on the sofa watching tv upside down.

[Baby Ricochet]

Interesting poem. I really liked this one.

[zephyr]

An excellent write with superb word-choice and metaphor use. I find myself really worrying about that poor child.

[Elle Thompson]

I really enjoyed this
it is dizzying, in the best way possible
just a really good treatment of the subject matter.
Plus the lines breaks are spot on and the imagery is good, well done.

[Luke L]

thank you very much

[Pryde Foltz]

So he knew the best way to grow
His seed watered unknowingly
Like clouds fall to rain randomly

Painful and poignant write, Luke.