A Love Proverb

The story of an old man and his unforgiving past.

And as he stood, a stage appeal;

He only writes, for what is real.

A quill and ink set by his side,

The masterpiece swelled up in pride.

 

A teardrop falls on to the page,

Mixing with ink he writes a phrase;

“Oh to my young and dear and sweet,

I love you so, just hear me, please.”

 

The last words fell into the rhyme,

He took a bow and fell to time.

And as he fell he threw his work,

Into the dark without a smirk.

 

He sits alone, so old and cold,

His love for her, she’ll never know.

And to this day, to his dismay,

No words, no ink; a life so gray.

Author's Note

So, I wrote this out of inspiration of a picture I saw of an old man sitting alone on a bench outside. It said "I've been in love with the same woman for almost 50 years now. I wish she knew." Plus, I wanted to see how well I could write a rhythmic poem with a nice and easy beat to it. tell me how you like it, critisize and so on. Thanks for reading!

Reviews

[Wuji]

This poem has serious merits and a first class title. It feels crafted and polished and the only thing it lacked was a tiny bit of the next level of authenticity-originality. However, it is of a very high order and shows a great deal of poetic potential.

[Michael Thrower]

Why thank you very much! It is one of my best poems.

[Tasha]

This was amazing. I could see the image and feel the emotions. You have amazing talent. :)

[just is]

This is really good, I totally loved the feelings as they tugged.
Very nicely written, you have talent.

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

I really like it and can imagine the scene :) You did a very good job on this.

[CatOfOrion]

The rhythmic fluency was well constructed and the word choice wasn't forced- the whole thing, actually, didn't sound even a little forced. Lovely piece, you have an amazing talent!

[Raven Starhawk]

Insight on even the smallest things proves to make a brilliant poet. ^^*

[BrokenDreamer]

This is absolutely beautiful. Great flow and rhymes. Really cute too:)

Such an beautiful poem, wow. I'm in awe of your talent. Keep on sharing words like this. It's elusive bliss.