Dark Rogue: Blood Sister

Point one from reading is that you use the pronoun she far to much mabye alternating between differnt pronouns and her name a little more as teh use is repetative espically in teh first paragraph.
Watch your actual word meaning some of the words dont make sense in context but the story is well written the storyline is intreging , the story in parts is hard to following because the description somewhat over powers the action in places simply due to the acton being less well descrped that the area. Altho sayng that i do love your description of the are it paints a clear image in your mind of where the action is takign place and how it goes about but you seem to scrape a bit on the action itself.
My first judging being on chapter 1, A wonerful tale but in parts hard to follow perhaps seperating it more into chapters when the scene changes would help or making it clearer that the scene has i found mysel fin parts wondering if indeed we were stilll in the same loaction. The story jumps from place to place and past to future its a wonderful tale tho. You descibes sid's emotion wonderfully her fear and general personality is clear thru the tale.
I am intreged to keep reading, adn wonder what this illness that is mentioned is spoken of or what sid is actually capable of.
So far so good my dear do keep writing as i would love to read more and hear of sid's adventures, make sure tho with a story with these many main characters and twists that you dont leave any loose ends in the tale and cover all possible questions that readers will have. Keep writing xxxx cappi

Posted 14 Years Ago

Point one from reading is that you use the pronoun she far to much mabye alternating between differnt pronouns and her name a little more as teh use is repetative espically in teh first paragraph.
Watch your actual word meaning some of the words dont make sense in context but the story is well written the storyline is intreging , the story in parts is hard to following because the description somewhat over powers the action in places simply due to the acton being less well descrped that the area. Altho sayng that i do love your description of the are it paints a clear image in your mind of where the action is takign place and how it goes about but you seem to scrape a bit on the action itself.
My first judging being on chapter 1, A wonerful tale but in parts hard to follow perhaps seperating it more into chapters when the scene changes would help or making it clearer that the scene has i found mysel fin parts wondering if indeed we were stilll in the same loaction. The story jumps from place to place and past to future its a wonderful tale tho. You descibes sid's emotion wonderfully her fear and general personality is clear thru the tale.
I am intreged to keep reading, adn wonder what this illness that is mentioned is spoken of or what sid is actually capable of.
So far so good my dear do keep writing as i would love to read more and hear of sid's adventures, make sure tho with a story with these many main characters and twists that you dont leave any loose ends in the tale and cover all possible questions that readers will have. Keep writing xxxx cappi

Posted 14 Years Ago