Breakdown

Breakdown

photography by / Stefan Beutler

 

 

Every morning

cold cereal and orange juice

        for breakfast…

don’t forget  to water the African violet on the sill

in the kitchen window .

 

Feed the cats, walk the dog.

Separate the colors before washing clothes.

Take something from the freezer

           that’ll thaw  in time for dinner.

…such ordinary things to remember.

 

  Dance recital dates are on the calendar.

The girls wear a pink ribbon in their hair.

 The bake sales at church will start in the spring.

Let Father Walsh know he can count on you…

 cake or cookies is fine

…dress the boys in their Sunday best.

 

Be patient, be strong.

Remember that God helps those who help themselves.

Take one day at a time,

one foot in front of the other.

…just like yesterday and the day before.

 

Fall to your knees

when you’re all out of prayer…

…when you’re all out of prayer

    breakdown.

 

                            

Author's Note

This was written to capture the aftermath of a man dealing with the struggles of everyday life after losing his wife. What you are reading is what he hears in his head, it’s his wife’s voice reminding him of what to do and what’s to come. The lines in italics speak his response.

Reviews

[light and ashes]

God, I feel this. I've been at my lowest before. I know how it feels..
This is great. It is subtle. It doesnt go out of the way to say, "Hey, you, i'm sad"...but it is well felt, nonetheless for it. very well done.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Thank you most kindly!

[light and ashes]

You are most welcome, lovely lady!

[Crowley]

I believe its a fair assessment of the situation. Those little things that keep you moving forward one step at a time, the only things that help keep you glued together. But the breakdown, that is always imminent and necessary to remind us. this is extremely good and offers a heartbreaking picture. You seem to have a knack for feeling people, that's a gift.

[Kelly Scheppers]

You just made my day. Thank you, Corey! I think it is a gift, and I believe I got it from my Dad. I'm so blessed and so thankful for it every day of my life.

[Pete]

powerfully touching. the seemingly mundane come to life in deep remembrance. sad but there is a joy in knowing that she is still a part of him seemingly forever. these are the things we remember and that touch us - the minutia that only those closest know, bravo ... :)

[Kelly Scheppers]

I was thrilled to get that photo, too. The visual effect of it was just perfect. You can see his pain as he stands in the shower. Thank you, Pete!

[Betty Hermelee]

This is so appropriate, and yet could actually drive one to drink or die; in this case death. And... it is so common for someone to leave notes for another to do things in their absence... I love the list; it reminds me of many people I know.... You didn't miss a thing! and at last the prayer....you can only pray so much, but if you're not listened to, then it can be a disaster.... heartfelt.
Excellent!
Best, B

[Kelly Scheppers]

Thanks so much, Betty! I still think it's pretty cool that we both posted a fictional piece about death on the same day! ; )

[Betty Hermelee]

me too, and you're very welcome Kelly!
Best, B

[Vol]

Kelly!
Great poem!
The importance of everyday things is what makes us... When we were hunter gathers, it was avoid danger, find roots, look for berries, wear protection, kill meat, remember the way home... will there be enough through the winter? Some things never change.
And without prayer and a God to hear them, it is all as meaningless as worms crawling around in the slime...
Now... Sometimes a poem might need a critique, but the best ones just crawl inside that thing in us, our core, always hungry for an opportunity to do what Socrates said... EXAMINE WHO WE ARE...
Thanks for this one!
Vol

[Kelly Scheppers]

My Grandmother, mother and older sister all lost their husbands at a young age. I was old enough to understand death when my sister lost her husband to an accidental hunting accident, and I saw the debilitating effect it had on her. I know we each go through loss differently, which brings the power of prayer into perspective. Thank you for your presence here today, Vol. Please know it was deeply appreciated.

[Vol]

Oh, my! That is a lot of tragedy for a young person to eal with... And earned perspective of death is of extreme value is that, if for no other reason, Romans 5: 3-5. Suffering-> perseverance-> character-> hope... and hope helps us carry on.

[FGFRANKLIN]

The main message I took away from this is, never ever, ever, run out of prayer. But I understand the perspective this comes from. Often a sufferer of depression finds solace in activity; in the chores of normality, in work that occupies the empty space they feel inside. They don't allow themselves time for grief. I never have. When my father passed I had a new baby to care for. I poured myself into that. When my mother died I became homeless and unemployed at the same time. I was her primary caregiver the last five years of her life and I worked 24/7/ 365 at that job. It consumed me. No time for grief. I had to rebuild my own life from scratch. When my brother died I once again had a new baby but I left her at home and made the trip to his service 200 miles away. Came back and got on with living. I'm just no good at grief. Life needs living. Things need doing no matter how we feel. I guess I'll just keep going until I can't and then... when I die, others can grieve for me.

[Kelly Scheppers]

I believe most men are as you described yourself here, in dealing with grief. It consumes them, and there's nothing more to do than to pour themselves into their work. That's their healing process, though it doesn't allow them time to grieve. The body needs that after a devastating loss. Stay well, my friend, and thank you for a most touching review. I pray someone out there heals from your words!

[FGFRANKLIN]

I think "some people" need it but it may be highly detrimental to others. There's no "one size fits all" philosophy to cover the human psyche. I don't need or desire grief. I've got to keep going and if I were to stop. I'd stop for good. I need my forward momentum to carry me through each day. For those who need grief I hold no animosity or sympathy. It is what it is. They must do as their conscience dictates. It's just not for me.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I like this conversation...and the part of the "breakdown" at the end makes me feel sad.
And how the priest was brought up.
when we lived in NY and I was too young to remember, my dad had a nervous breakdown...
Made it really tough on my mom, helping him through it.
She didn't go to confession for awhile...probably not church either....then finally got to go to confession and the priest scolded her for having been away so long....didn't understand about the breakdown my dad had...and basically made my mom stay away from church for a year because of it.
Where is the compassion? the understanding? I am sure God did...but his so-called replacement did not.
A heavy write here...done briliantly.

[Kelly Scheppers]

I can't believe a priest would actually scold someone in that situation and not show empathy. Your poor mother. It's a wonder she got through it. Thank you for a very poignant review, Jacob!

[Vol]

Hey man! The Church in general has gotten it wrong from day one. Jesus said "I came to give you life, and that more abundantly." The Church, in all its various clothing has managed to change abundance to guilt and shame. He also said if you want to enter the kingdom, all you have to do is love God and love your neighbor. EVERYTHING else is church heresy.

[John the Baptist]

We tend to think of only high stress situations as causing breakdowns, but the daily grind, adhered to month after month, year after year, can build up the stress of understimulation, which can also precipitate breakdowns. Stress has many faces.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Indeed it does. Anxiety, or what is better known as "panic attacks", happen everyday. Thank you John, for your perspective!

[Ken e Bujold]

this is a very moving poem Kelly. even before reading your note, the weight of day to day struggle to get on with the existence of living was an achingly poignant read. Thanks for the splendid slice of life friend

ken

[Kelly Scheppers]

I wanted to write something evocative showing the day to day struggle of such a slice of life. I am thrilled beyond measure you enjoyed it. Thank you, Ken!

[willweb]

I love the poem and the structure of the poem. It is beautifully written and beautiful to look at and after reading this my first thought was, God I miss her. Though I haven't experienced this it could happen and how I would react is anyone's guess though knowing me, the breakdowns would probably come every day for quite a while The thought has brought tears to my eyes, your poem has brought tears to my eyes. My heart hurts right now.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Thank you so much, Will. I couldn't have received a more touching review than this! Bless you!