Prologue

Caylee moves into her new home

   I was the ordinary girl with no social life. I stood a few inches taller than my mother, and I had inherited my father's black hair and hazel eyes. This morning I found the plainest thing to wear and threw it on, baggy-black sweatpants and a light blue V-neck with a white tank top underneath.
   I stood off to the side, watching as my mother and step-father unloaded the moving van. They scurried like frenzied ants under a burning magnifying glass. My laugh echoed back to me, making me shiver.
   A new house, a new state, a new life   That's what my father always said. We had moved to Georgia this time. I looked at the 18th century house with distaste before walking in, claiming the attic as my bedroom.
   Setting up my bed, my mother walked in, worry lines sketched into her forehead. My mother was a five-foot nothing, blond and she acted like it too. She was the size of a stick, and she always wore make-up too dark for her skin.
   "Are you sure you want to sleep in the attic? It might get cold at night." My mother said annoyingly, ignoring my glare. "And it's so dark up here, you might get scared."
   "Mother, I'm 16, I love the dark. And heat rises, I'll be warmer up here than down there." I growled before pushing her out of the room and slamming the door. "Stay out of my room and stay away from me."
   "Caylee." My step-father yelled in warning. "Don't talk to your mother that way."
   "Go to hell." I screamed back at him before blaring my music and jumping on my bed. The attic was a fairly roomy room. It was dark, and dusty, but the window gave off enough light to see by. "I hate them."
   I shivered despite the warmth. Pulling my jacket closer, I opened the window to allow the warm night air to invade my nose and my room. I moved to sit on the roof, closing my bedroom window.
   We'd been moving around since I could remember, which wasn't very much. My father and step-father both loved traveling, so when I thought we were going to stay one place long enough for me to make friends, we were off again. Music and my cat seemed to be the only allies I had left in this world.
   My life was a disaster. I knew it, my parents knew it - hell even my cat probably knew it. I glanced at the pine carpeted ground, then around the exterior of the stale house. Our new home rested in the center of a very dark and silent forest. Eventually the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. I gave another look about my surroundings. We were miles away from everyone and everything. No one was there, so why did it feel like I was being watched?

Author's Note

Sorry if the hatred towards the mother sounds weird, I get along great with my mother, so I would have no idea how to even start.

Reviews

[Lady]

"I was the ordinary girl with no social life. I stood a few inches taller than my mother, and I had inherited my father's black hair and hazel eyes. This morning I found the plainest thing to wear and threw it on, baggy-black sweatpants and a light blue V-neck with a white tank top underneath."
- I loved this bit. That's a great way to introduce your character. Right away I got the feel of Caylee's interesting personality. I also admire the way you made her so dramatic. This makes the read all the more interesting. Not once did I find my eyes luring away from the page. Great work.

I found a few things I would suggest you fix...

"I stood off to the side, watching as my mother and step-father unloaded the moving van, [scurrying like they were ants and I held the magnifying glass.] My laugh echoed back to me, making me shiver."

Change that bit to: "I stood off to the side, watching as my mother and step-father unloaded the moving van. They scurried like frenzied ants under a burning magnifying glass."

The next part, "My laugh echoed back to me, making me shiver." was great! It gave a hint of suspense for your horror novel.

"Music and my cat, my only friends and allies in the world." - Change that to, "Music and my cat seemed to be the only allies I had left in this world."

The bottom part felt a bit rushed, so here's my go at it.

"My life was a disaster. I knew it, my parents knew it - hell even my cat probably knew it. I glanced at the pine carpeted ground, then around the exterior of the stale house. Our new home rested in the center of a very dark and silent forest. Eventually the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. I gave another look about my surroundings. We were miles away from everyone and everything. No one was there, so why did it feel like I was being watched?"

You're off to a great start, so keep goin'! : ]

Lady

[Sarah Hawkinson]

Wow evil little child eh? I like the simplicity of your writing. It's easy to follow and understand, in fact this story reminds me so much of one I did so long ago. But you won't find it on this site. Anyway, this sounds like this could be a typical new girl scenario, so I'm looking forward to seeing what you will do with it!
Now off to read chapter one!