Where The Odd Products Of Magic Become Apparent

She was on a floor, that was sure. Was this…Heaven? Her eyes stirred open. Did Heaven have wooden floors? Adainne always thought Heaven was clouds, not wooden floors. Or a dining table, for that matter. What use could you have for a dining table when you’re dead? Eating dead people food, she guessed. She heard a distant, persistent rumbling sound. Then, a voice.

  “Oh what? How the Hell did that happen? How the Hell did a War Wizard get in here?!”

 Adainne tried hard to push herself to her feet, but it wasn’t going to happen. She felt a pair of cool, dry palms settle into her bare shoulders. “Come on, you silly girl, I’ll help you up, but you shouldn’t be here!” He pulled her up quickly and yet delicately from the ground. “You’d better go sit down on the sofa, those are some nasty burns you have there. Not that it matters, we’re wizards, after all, it will be gone in a jiffy. Oh, a jiffy! I’ve never used that word before in my life!”

 The boy guided her to a dark green, boisterous looking sofa, which she almost disappeared into as she sat down. She looked at her saviour, or attempted executer, perhaps. He was definitely good-looking, in his own way. His glossy, messed brown hair was swept across his head in a flat quiff, which he was raking his hand into, revealing his face in full. 

He had a deep-set pair of brown eyes, framed by barely there eyebrows, and a similar paleness to her own. He had a blunt, yet defined nose, but what really accented his good-looks was his thin lips and broad, perfectly straight and ivory smile. 

 His dress sense was interesting to say the least. He wore a long, mandarin trench coat with intricate, oriental gold embroidery, with brown chinos and black horse riding boots. Underneath the dazzling trench, he wore a very open, crisp white shirt, showing off his impeccably toned body. 

  “Oh, hello you. Yes, my name’s Trellor.” He snapped out his wand. Automatically, Adainne reached for her’s, to realise it had been burned off, as had rather large and revealing patches of her white tank top and khaki trouser combination. “Don’t be alarmed, just finding out who you are…Ah, Adainne Silver, daughter of the President of the Cloudline Initiative. Goodness me, won’t they be mad when they find out I stole you away! No, not stole, not stole at all!” He flew into her face, his suddenly inches away. “You were the one hunting me. And I zapped you down. Although I did only mean to scare you off. But it’s all fine now, I’m getting you sorted out.” 

  He tilted his wand at her, and Navyheart felt a suffocating tightness at different points of her body. 

  “Just sealing the burns, don’t worry…” He muttered, concentrating. “And now…” He twirled his wand in the air, producing a black body con dress. “Er, sorry, probably not your style. Something else?” 

  “That will do, thanks,” said Adainne quietly, taking the dress and standing up. She felt much better now she wasn’t aching all over. 

 “Well it’s not bad, is it? Now go have a shower and I’ll- no!” He launched himself at something Adainne just noticed- a ship’s steering wheel in the middle of the room. “You have to go back right now or I’ll get in trouble! Then again, I could just disappear and take you with me…” He turned back to look at her, thinking. “Yes…” He began muttering to himself over the wheel. 

 

Adainne stood, aimlessly holding the black dress. She wasn’t sure whether this guy was going to actually let her change. Then, she noticed something shiny and yellow float down the stairs a few metres in front of her. It was a star, but not an ordinary star. It looked more like a cushion than a real star, and had two little black, stretched ovals for eyes, but no mouth. It stopped dead at the bottom of the stairs, hovering above the floor, and frowned at Adainne. At least, it looked like it was frowning. 

 Suddenly, it’s yellow silk turned abruptly crimson, and it let out a long squeal before shooting across the room to it’s master. 

  “Yes yes, calm down girl,” said Trellor distractedly, as the star beat him across the head with its right-hand point to draw his attention to Adainne. Trellor began murmuring to himself again, and as he did, the little star floated curiously across to Adainne, still crimson.

 “Hello,” she said, nervously. “I won’t hurt you, honestly. I’ve been badly hurt myself.” 

 The star seemed suspicious. It floated into her face, looking straight into her eyes, then floated round the back of her head, where she felt an sharp but soft tap as the star hit her. 

  “What was that for?” She asked the star, as it returned in front of her. The star shrugged, turned yellow again, and flew away disinterestedly, as though she’d passed some sort of test.

 “Hey,” said Trellor, as though he’d just come up with a genius plan. The star rested behind his neck, curling it’s bottommost points around his neck like a father and son. “Why don’t I drive you home tonight? I’m sure no one would notice a nimbus cloud floating across the sky.”

 Adainne looked stunned. “We’re…inside the nimbus cloud? But how come outside of the windows there’s a field?”

 Trellor sighed. “Magic, of course. And those windows give the effect there’s a field beyond, there isn’t actually one, so don’t get any stupid ideas.”

  “Huh. Well, driving me home’s a dumb idea. Only registered vehicles can get past the C.I. borders.”

  “Huh. So we’re just going to have to wait until one of your little shuttles floats into my airspace again. Gotta warn you though, it’s not often shuttles get to fly around in my airspace.”

   “Always so precious about your airspace,” sighed a deep, dry voice at the top of the stairs. Adainne looked up, and saw a cat. A talking cat. 

   “You…made your cat talk too?” She asked Trellor. 

   He shrugged. “Did it when I was seven. That was fourteen years ago. Guess that makes me twenty-one, huh?”

   

“Maths was never your strong point,” said the cat, stretching luxuriously before pattering down the stairs. He leapt onto the dining table and stuck out a white paw to Adainne. 

   “My name’s Boston. Where Trellor and I came from on Earth. And you are?”

  “Uh, Adainne Silver. Cloudline Initiative.” She put the tips of three fingers on his paw and shook it. 

  “A War Wizard? Is that why you’re covered in burn scars and your hair is on end?” 

Adainne self-consciously petted down her unruly silver hair. “That’s right. I’m off to go tidy myself up actually, at least I think I am. Do you have a room for me, Trellor?”

  “Yes yes, hang on then.” He disengaged himself from the ship’s wheel and trundled upstairs. Adainne followed quickly behind. 

  “I suppose you won’t want to bunk with me, or Boston for that matter. Although, cat’s beds are surprisingly comfortable. So, I’ll have to make you a bedroom from scratch.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t-” But before she could finish, Trellor’s wand was already starting on the new door on an unused space of wall. The star had flown off as Trellor ran upstairs, but returned moments later with a smaller, sherbet star in it’s little hands. As it bit into it, the star turned pink with delight and let out a squeak. 

  “Isn’t that…cannibalism?” asked Adainne, watching the star.

  “What is?” said Trellor distractedly, as furniture appeared in the new space. 

  “The star…eating sherbet stars,” she said. This time, the star heard her. It scorched crimson, frowned in her face, then took off with the sherbet star, turning pink again as it came across Boston, who said a small ‘hello’ to it. 

  “Well, it’s not real stars it’s eating, is it? Besides, she isn’t a real star, she’s a soft toy I animated with magic.” The new door slammed shut on his face. “Ah, there we go. A brand new girl-friendly boudoir.” 

  

Before she could ask why soft toys, alive or not, needed to eat sherbet, she was thrust into the fresh, cream room. 

  “Like it?” asked Trellor, lingering around the doorway with a smile. She steadied herself, and looked around. 

  “Yes, lovely. Thank you, Trellor. Hey, you haven’t got a spare wand, do you?”

  One appeared in his hand, and he tossed it to Adainne. “I’m guessing you can’t appear inside C.I. either?”

   “You guessed right,” said Adainne, placing the black body con on the bed. “Which way is the shower?”

  “Down this hall, second door on your right. My room’s the one opposite your’s.”

  “Right…thank you.” She straightened up a lampshade with her wand that Trellor had left. “Seems to be working alright.”

  “Right, well, I’ll leave you to it. Boston will be up here to chat later no doubt, not sure about the little one though. She doesn’t seem to like you very much.”

  “I guessed, seeing as she turns red every time she sees me,” said Adainne.

  “She’ll be fine in a while. Just feed her sherbet stars and talk to Boston a lot, then she’ll trust you. Which reminds me, I better go seal that jar of stars before she munches her way through them and makes herself sick. See ya!” Trellor swept away. 

 

 Adainne took a deep sigh, then looked around. When she looked in her new wardrobe, she saw a variety of new, figure hugging outfits. She didn’t know whether to be flattered, or creeped out. Or he might not have had any clue about what girls liked to wear and thought that might be appropriate. Either way, Navyheart didn’t want to replace them. 

  

 She headed straight for the shower, zapping in shower gels and shampoos and conditioners which Trellor seemed to lack. When she was done, she returned to her room with her damp, dark grey hair and pulled on the body con dress. Looking in a full length mirror she fashioned herself, she was satisfied with the reflection. She waved herself a pair of low black heels to match, putting them on and drying her hair with a touch of her wand. 

  

 She looked at herself closely in the mirror, and decided she actually wanted a change. With another wave, she now had short silver hair, cut shortest at the back and getting longer towards the front in a sharp bob. She couldn’t be bothered with make up, so she went to leave the room like this.

  When she opened the door, Boston was there, grinning up at her. “Oh hello, Adainne. Don’t mind me, I just get awfully bored sometimes and Trellor’s not always the best company when he’s cooking.”

  “Trellor’s cooking?” she asked, as Boston slid past her and jumped on her bed. 

  “One of his specialities by the look of it. He gets stressed cooking. The star usually has to direct him.”

  “She seems quite a resourceful little star,” said Adainne. 

  “She’s practically human. But then again, in some ways so am I. One time, me and the little one were both inanimate- well, she was inanimate, and I just couldn’t talk. Now look at us, almost as human as you or Trellor!”

  “Well, that’s magic, of course,” she replied to the cat, sitting on the bed, where Boston was now rolling on his back. “Trellor said the star was a soft toy before he animated it. Why did he do that?”

  Boston released a long, regal purr, then rolled on his front and stared up at Adainne. “Well, the star is special to him. His sister made him it.”

 “Oh,” Adainne smiled softly at the cat. “Well, that’s really sweet. Where is his sister?”

 “Er.” The cat rolled once more onto his back, looking at Adainne upside down with his sharp yellow eyes. “She died, a year ago. When Wizard Eron first started tearing up the world. Our whole family died, actually. It’s just us three now.”

 Adainne felt an understanding grow in her. “And that’s why he’s a rogue wizard, right? Because the war killed his family?”

 “Correct,” said Boston.

 Adainne’s eyes glazed over, as though some unwanted memory had come knocking and she was trying desperately not be to sucked into it. “My mum was killed by Wizard Eron’s regime too.”

  “Ah,” said Boston, with a mixture of acknowledgement and sympathy. “Then maybe you two weren’t brought together by accident.”

  Adainne laughed lightly. “So we can sit around and share our sorrows with each other?”

  “Maybe, maybe not. I’m not a huge believer in fate myself, but no one has ever fell into this cloud before. Usually they’re zapped out of the sky and fall to their death. Then Trellor disappears before he can be caught.”

  “Dinner!” shouted Trellor somewhere underneath them, accompanied by a clanging bell. 

 “This should be interesting…” murmured the cat. “Come on, we better go before he sends the star up here to get us.”

 “Alright,” Adainne agreed, standing up. What she really wanted to do was ask more about Trellor’s lifestyle, but she relented. She was very hungry after what her body had been through. 

 The cat shot out of the room and Adainne followed more slowly behind. Over the banister of the stairwell she could see Trellor serving up dinner at the dining table. A plate full of pastel sherbet delights for the star, who hovered over it in a blush shade of pink. Now he put down a plate of cat food for Boston, who immediately stuck his head into the pile of shiny, gelled meat. He then came to the table carrying two plates of something with yellow liquid. 

  “Adainne, stop hovering and get your a*s down here,” he said sharply over his shoulder. She obeyed, clicking down the stairs in her heels. As she approached the table, she began to privately dread eating her plate of food. She sat next to Trellor, opposite Boston and the star, and stared at the plate.

  “Uh, Trellor, what is this?”

  “Jelly beans, pitta bread and saffron gravy.” He tore a piece of pitta bread, crammed it full of primary coloured beans, then dipped the whole lot into the yellow, bubbling gravy covering most of his plate. 

  “Told you,” said the cat, resurfacing from his meal for air. The star was doing cartwheels of joy in mid air. 

  Adainne, out of politeness and nothing else, tilted her head forwards to smell the concoction. It smelled like honey. And sugar. With a myriad of fruity flavours from the jelly beans. Then there was a meaty tang, which probably came from the gravy.

  She felt the colour drain from her face at the thought of eating it. 

 “Er, do you eat like this every night?” asked Adainne, trying stop herself heaving. 

 “I just throw together what ever is quickest and easiest from the cupboards. These are all my favourite things, so why not have them all at the same time?”

 “Yes, why indeed,” agreed Adainne weakly. “You know, I don’t really like er…saffron gravy. Do you mind if I find something else?”

 Trellor munched and sapped loudly, then indicated vaguely over his shoulder. “Go ahead, check in the cupboards. If not, magic something up.”

 

 Glad to be released from the table, Adainne made the vomit-like meal disappear with a wave of her wand. She went to the cupboards, opening the door to a burst of a dry wood smell. Stock cubes, three bits of penne pasta, and brown sauce. It was a similar story in the other cupboards, and the pantry. 

  “You need to stock up on vegetables, you know,” said Adainne disapprovingly. “You’re a wizard and yet you eat like a…”

  Trellor turned to her, cocking an eyebrow. “Yes?”

 “A five year old,” she said, waving up a mountain of leeks, potatoes and carrots on the work surface. “Want anything else?” 

 “Might have a try of whatever you’re cooking, if you don’t mind.”

 “Chicken chow mein?”

 “What’s that?”

 Adainne laughed. “You’ll find out. It’s nice. Boston, star, anything else for you?”

 The star whizzed from the table and went immediately to a glass jar on top of the pantry, pushing a point against it and squeaking. 

 “Alright, I’ll just get you one…”

“No!” said Trellor sharply from the table.  “She’s already had enough. She’ll be sick.”

The star looked across to her master, turned pale blue, and her points drooped. Adainne looked at the little star and had an idea. She waved a sherbet star into her hand, then offered it to the star. At first, the star pretended not to notice her. 

 Then, she noticed what Adainne was offering. She squeaked, turned in the air, and took the sweet off Adainne. Then she turned pink and flew back to the table. 

 Trellor let out a long sigh. “What did I say? Make that her last.”

 “Sorry,” said Adainne, with a satisfied grin at the gleeful star. She turned back to her dinner, producing ingredients from the tip of her wand, and chopping up vegetables. 

 “You can always use magic to do that you know,” said Trellor, appearing suddenly over her shoulder. 

 Adainne squawked. “I could have cut myself there!”

 “Ah, but you wouldn’t have cut yourself had you been using magic,” Trellor pointed out with a silly grin, and whisked the plates over from the table to the sink. Adainne snorted, and concentrated on manually frying up the vegetables. Ten minutes later, she carried steaming bowls of glossy, plump pieces of chicken and rainbow strips of vegetable to the table. 

 “Looks delicious,” said Trellor, clapping her hard on the back in a congratulatory way. 

 “I hope you have room for it- I slaved over a hot stove for you,” she said, sliding into her seat. Boston had retired to his cat bed under the stairs; the star was tickling his belly, and he purred in response. 

 Trellor had his wand out, and was lighting the candle sconces around the room. Darkness was a falling, thick blanket outside, turning the fantasy fields beyond a rich, fertile dark green. Had she really been there that long already?

 “Better get it before it gets cold,” said Trellor, which was exactly what Adainne was about to say. He plonked himself in the chair and twisted the slender noodles round his fork, stabbing it into his mouth. 

 “Mm, this really is good,” he said, inadvertently spitting half a red pepper strip across the table. “You know,” he continued after wiping his mouth, “It’s been a long time since someone else cooked for me. Mom always did the cooking, and I never really learned. Mind you, I should have been living on my own by the time I was twenty anyway. But no matter, I’m living on my own now.”

 “Excuuuuuse meeeee,” purred Boston somewhere in the distance. 

 “You know what I mean, silly cat. I haven’t actually talked to another human since the Day of Clouds.” Trellor looked at Adainne, the edge of his thin lips smeared with wet sauce. “You’ll be a fun person to travel with, I can tell. Anyone who cooks me food this good is more than welcome on my ship.”

 “Thank you,” said Adainne, with a broad smile. She liked compliments, but then, who didn’t?

 “Get a room,” muttered the cat in the corner, as the now yellow star floated away from him. 

 “I’m just telling the truth. And I think you’ll find I prefer cupboards. Heh.” He stared at Adainne invasively, then fled with his empty bowl to the sink. 

 “Can’t you two get to bed at least?” groaned Boston. “I can’t sleep if you two are hovering about and being so loud.”

 “After I’ve locked the ship, we’ll go up,” said Trellor, going to the ship wheel. “Of course, you can stay here if you want Adainne.”

 “No, I’m tired too,” she agreed, yawning as she transferred her bowl to the sink. “And I hate being all dressed up with nowhere to go. The sooner I get into trackies, the better.”

 “Get into what?” asked Trellor, turning the ship wheel dramatically to the right until it gave a loud click. The ship shuddered for a moment. 

 “Jogging bottoms. You didn’t give me any but I can magic up my own.” She yawned again. “Okay, well, if you don’t mind, I think I will go up now.”

 “Night,” said Trellor, pointing his wand at the door. 

 “And stay away from cupboards,” Boston put in, giving a meow-yawn. 

 “I’ll try,” she murmured, dragging her lead legs up the wooden stairs. When in her room, she quickly transformed her clothes to something more agreeable for bed. The weight of her fatigue pulled her underneath the thick sheets, and was nearly sleeping. 

 

It was dark in the room, but Adainne parted her eyes for a moment to see something fly into the room. The star. She saw it’s dark silhouette float into her eyeline, then down onto the pillow next to her head. She squinted enough to see the star was still yellow and not red. 

 “Hey, little one,” she said, poking out her index finger from the duvet to the star. The star shifted, shook a little, then burst into gold light. It lit up the room in a way a child’s nightlight might- dim but warm. Seeing her outstretched finger, it waddled forward and, with a moment’s hesitation, placed it’s right point onto its tip, and they shook. 

 “I’m glad you’ve stopped attacking me,” she admitted to the star. Somehow, the star’s face twisted to make a ‘I don’t know what on Earth you’re talking about’ expression, and it folded its points indignantly. Adainne laughed. 

 “Well, your light is making a very nice atmosphere in here. Mind hanging around while I get to sleep?”

 The star twirled and squeaked, which she assumed was a yes. 

 “Okay, thanks. So do you have a name? Or do they just call you ‘star’?”

 The star’s gold light faded to a dark blue, and again her points dropped. The light now was a solemn mid blue. 

 “Did I say something wrong? Are you okay?”

 The star shook again, and returned to her happy yellow colour. Adainne blinked in confusion, and at the sudden change in light. 

 “Sorry, I won’t ask again. And don’t expect me to keep sneaking you sherbet stars in return for you being nice. I hope we’ve just decided to call it quits at that.” 

 The star’s topmost point wiggled a nod. 

 “Thanks. Don’t worry, you can leave when I’m asleep. But your light is really comforting just now. And I need the comfort just now. It might be months before I ever return home.”

 The star just stared at her. Then it flew over and sat on the top of the wardrobe. Adainne smiled at her, then her eyelids drooped. 

 Adainne was never made aware of this, but as she submitted completely to unconsciousness, the star floated off her perch and hovered just an inch above Adainne’s face, giving her a kiss on the tip of her nose. Then, her light faded and she spun out of the room. 

Reviews

[Daydreamer54]

Aw jI absolutey love the star and thought if it as creative! Poor Trellor, leaving by himself with no one to talk to but a cat and stuffed toy....Also for some reason the star reminds me of tinkerbell. just because it doesn't talk and it hated Adainne at first. ^^
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[Stella]

The characters are amazing and I love the names you choose for them. You're story is very original and I love the way it's heading . I can't wait to read the next chapter!

[Caradoc]

Interesting and intriguing like the previous chapter. You have a world here with enormous potential especially with magic to make so much possible. The Nimbus Ship and the personification of both Boston and the Star are nice touches. However I find myself agreeing again with TOF_Matt. More on that later.

The biggest failing of this chapter that no other reviewer has mentioned is the lack of emotion on Adainne's part. As this is in third person limited POV it would make sense that we get to know what shes feeling. Yet the reader is left in the dark on that point. The main character wakes up in a strange place and is confronted by a strange wizard, with no idea whether he is a friend or foe, and yet is strangely calm and collected. There is no hint of tension within her at being unarmed, vulnerable, and practically a captive of a rogue wizard who is most likely the one who attacked her ship in the last chapter. Adainne should be full of emotions such as fear, doubt, anxiety, worry for the others who went on the same mission. Instead she is so cool you'd think she knew it was going to happen. She gives her trust to Trellor almost immediately and completely, something only an extremely naive person would do. I'm under the impression she is fifteen; it wasn't made too clear in the last chapter, but even a fifteen year old would be none too trusting, no matter how good looking Trellor was. Please address this discrepancy. Put yourself in her place and ask yourself how you would react if you were her.

Now to how I agree with TOF.

There aren't enough limitations on the magic for these two. I understand the world they live in is full of wizards and magic is commonplace, but is everyone and their mother a Master? Can we expect every sorcerer encountered to be a spell slinging virtuoso capable of putting the greatest wizards of fiction to shame? Or is it that Adainne and Trellor are prodigies? If so please include hints at this. If not then their ability needs to be toned down. Maybe have them attempt more than once to affect a particular conjuration, such as the dress coming out as a slinky bikini the first time.

Also there needs to be some tension between the two leads, at least on Adainne's part. She seems so nonchalant about the whole situation, like she doesn't care. Again I point out the lack of emotion. If she is just that calm about it all, give us a look into her emotions and reasoning as to why she isn't quietly panicking. Trellor on the other hand is perfect. He is older, but less mature due to his upbringing or lack thereof. Scatter brained is a nice touch, as is his carefree attitude about his guest. He also seems uninterested in the half naked, fifteen year old girl, who is at his mercy, which is either a character flaw that should be removed, or a disinterest that adds to his flavor.

The introductions of Boston and the Star can also be done a bit differently to make them seem more fantastical, but overall I think they are fine the way they are. Again the presentation and clustering of paragraphs can be cleaned up as I stated in my review of the previous chapter. There are also a few SPaG mistakes and missing words in a few sentences but nothing that would make someone want to gouge out there eyes.

I have no idea where TOF got the idea that Trellor is a war wizard from. In truth I am almost positive he is an elusive Time Wizard. One think that caught my attention. At one point, just as Trellor is magicking away her burns, you identify Adainne as Navyheart. What is the significance of that, as it never comes up again in the chapter.

That's all for now. My original opinion stands. This has tremendous potential. I have read your poetry and understand you have a superb grasp of the language and a reading this I know you have a grand imagination. You see things others don't and are able to put them into words so that we CAN see. With some rearrangement and polishing you'll have a great story here. Lastly, it's your book, your story, and your word that is final on anything that goes into or comes out of it. My words are merely suggestions for you to consider.

[Shep]

Love the cat...great so far.

[Alskar]

TOF_Matt, your review was very helpful, thanks for taking the time out. I agree with the characters having too much power with the magic. But this response encapsulates a lot of your concerns with this book, and that is that it's not meant to be tense or have restrictions. What I mean is, instead of like other magic books where there's a lot of limits, I wanted a lot more freedom with it, like it's a part of their everyday lives and not something that's amazing. Perhaps there IS still too much, though.
I don't agree with the idea that there should be some up and down or tension between the characters because they've only just met, and Adainne's a bit taken aback by his boisterousness. As you go on, I hope you see the characters aren't as perfect as made out here, although I don't think I went too overboard with making them Mary-Sue characters. I still agree that I reveal too much but, unlike what you said, Trellor is never revealed to be a war wizard because he isn't one. I also agree with the 'old world' thing, perhaps a few more references are needed, but I did explain this was Earth in the introduction ^^

[TOF_Matt]

Like the chapter before, I'd cite your imagination and creativity as the best part of your work. The notion of the Nimbus ship was genuinely intriguing, and the characters of Trellor, the cat, and the star sort of remind me of the character archetype of Howl and his small posse from Howl's Moving Castle. You're certainly wide open from here, so there's a lot of places you can take this, although at this point I kind of wish we had some sense of what the goal of these characters is (you had a good one in him having to take her back to the city, but the relegated that to an impossibility).

In terms of critique, it's pretty much what I told you last time. I think you reveal a little too much too early. The plot point concerning Trellor's parents is a meaty one, and I would build the mystery of who he is throughout the book, then maybe drop the "he used to be a war wizard too" bomb much later in the book, when it means something to us. As it stands now, giving us that plot point is very flat.

Actually speaking of, I found the story progression a little flat. Everything here is a little too perfect. There's no moments where the tension dips, then rises - everything sort of happens on an even keel. Similarly, the character interaction seems a little too perfect, especially for something that is fashioned after anime, which is usually exaggeratedly whimsical. Trellor seems like a bit of a scatter-brain, so you figure that would create some friction with Adainne would it not? Right now their exchanges are too calm, too collected. There's no flaws so it feels sorta like the high-society polite talk you see amongst high-society members in movies.

Also, the magic mechanic is similarly a little too shallow for me right now. What are the limitations? Characters who can perfectly conjure anything they want whenever they want are too powerful. I think you'll be shooting yourself in the foot later because when there's a moment of genuine crisis, the reader's just going to think "well why didn't she just conjure ______?" Maybe you need to show that Adainne is not the perfect wizard/witch yet, and that she can make mistakes (maybe she conjures dish soap instead of shampoo or something). The characters, as they are now, are too good at what they do to be very interesting. They need flaws.

The final suggestion I'll make regarding the flatness, is try to change up the scenes and tone. I found that too much of this was just back-and-forth conversation. Adainne, Trellor, Adainne, Trellor, Adainne, Star, Trellor, Adainne, cat, Trellor. If you write it out like that, you can kind of see the problem. One thing I thought that might be very anime-ish, is if Adainne say, went to the bathroom to change, tried to turn on the night light but it turned out to be the Star and went ballistic. Adainne, shocked and scared out of her mind, bursts out of the bathroom only to come face-to-face with the cat who nonchalantly asks her "if she's done in there yet, because she's gotta pee." This is just a suggestion mind you, but I do think your more fantastical character deserve more fantastical introductions than just straight "here, meet x."

As a final bit of consistency housekeeping, I'm a little unsure about whether this takes place on another world, or on Earth but a thousand years in the future. If it's the former, you probably want to avoid referring to very Earth-specific concepts such as "chowmein" and expressions like "down-to-earth." If it's the latter, then maybe we need just a bit of a tease of someone referring to the "old world" so that we know where we are.

Anyway, there's a lot of potential here, I think you just need to reorganize the presentation.

[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

Trellor sounds hot and the star is cute!

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[.quan.011.]

This is well written chapter, but you might want to revise it . There are all grammar errors. I like Adainne and Trellor seems nice too. I not so sure about the talking and star. I still like the chapter though.

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[Arianna]

i really enjoyed this chapter,
the talking cat, and the talking star, they really make me laugh.
Trellor is deffenatly an interesting character, and i don't know if i like him or not i really enjoyed this chapter onto the next.
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