Velvet Massacre

9/2/13 Brought into a world of greed what more is there to do than love. When all around is burning down I want him to hold me

The narcissist drops his seed
And begins this vicious cycle
Of putrid greed,
A snakes horizon.
Like a thousand rotting suns,
We burn.

Caving and cracks of self-destruction impel,
A velvet massacre we volunteered for so well
Now defines our golden cradles.

Our foundations decay,
And wise men collect their anonymous ash;
A consumers confetti,
That lasts not beyond the confines of a gated mind.

This reckoning is clear,
As my conscience
At your faintest touch of flaring skin.
Empathy traces my spine,
An apocalyptic prime
That never lets go, as all else falls in crimson.

The sky lays snowflakes
And we set them ablaze.
These days are few
And futile without amities breath.

Author's Note

Could do with a lot of improvements, if anyone has any constructive criticism it would be appreciated!

Reviews

[Salar Majak]

it's beautiful, sorry if i have not any improving critisizm about it, but i have to say, i read this with my fingers in my ears because of the noise of my family, and that gave such a creepy voice to me, it added to the poem's beauty, the end, the ending of all, the burn.
i love this!

[Ohhhwillow]

It's strange actually imagining our writing being read by others, first time it has really hit me haha picturing the sound of a loud family blocked out by fingertips of my reviewer! Thank you very much. :)

[Salar Majak]

hahaha yeah i'm just that odd, i kept telling them to shut up but the conversation was at it's hight so i had to block them :P, you are very welcome!!

[quinfinn]

no friendship in the breath of life....pretty amazing thoughts. you seem to have a cataclysmic view of man's place in the universe. perhaps you are right. we don't seem to fit anywhere or to love or respect anything, especially not each other. not honestly. i didn't stumble upon your writing, you friend requested me. so i begin as i begin any friendship...i check you out first. i like what is see. you have a gift, certainly. let's do this.thank you for extending your hand.....

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you so much for your detailed review, I look forward to hearing from you again soon, friend! I really appreciate your enthusiasm. :)

[Rob Santana]

No constructive criticism needed. A strong piece, straight forward in your face. Well done Willow.

[Ohhhwillow]

Haha thank you Creeper for your kind review. :)

[mikl paul]

you did so well on this. i love the strength you write from.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you, I'm really glad you enjoyed this! :)

[MandaBear]

wonderful. There are no bad comments I could say if I wanted to.

[Ohhhwillow]

Well that's definitely a good thing! Thank you Amanda!

[Winchester Saltgunner]

well i really have no bad comments lol

[Ohhhwillow]

Haha I'll take that as a compliment, thank you for reviewing :)

[Winchester Saltgunner]

welcome an dit wuz lol* hugz* *kissess*

[Ohhhwillow]

Good, I'm thankful for it! Haha right back at ya

[Winchester Saltgunner]

awwweee thx lol

[Baby Ricochet]

it's okay

[RachelReaper]

the vividness of this is what stands out so much to me, because all of it is coming to together quite epically for the end, literally, the end of everything as I interpreted it.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks for reviewing Rachel, means a lot!q