Glory

Deep in the corner of the night

We were lying in the middle of the road

You make me laugh until I die

Can you think of any better way to choke?

Stories told to me

And stories told to you

And did you ever feel like they were ringing true?

And then you put your hand in mine

and pulled me back from things divine

Stop looking up for heaven

Waiting to be buried.

As a child I raised some eye brows.

I continuously told my parents that I had been to heaven.

I was obsessed with the angels.

And there were times I would get so intensely excited looking up to the sky; at the rays of the sun coming from the clouds.

I apparently called it "God's Shadow." - And I was adamant about it.

There were no ifs ands or buts.

I was serious.

Coming into this world, I was 1 pound 6 ounces.

I was very sick and fought for my life.

My journey got quite dark.

One day dad was holding me during  a visit - and suddenly my body grew limp.

My eyes rolled in the back of my head and my skin began to turn a yellowish color.

My heart stopped beating. I stopped breathing.

And then..it happened.

I died.

I actually died. Thankfully this did not last long, because 3 doctors brought me back to life.

Fast forwarding to my kindergarten years and childhood - I was a very religious kid.

And some say it was because of this so called death.

Perhaps I did know God...or Jesus..or whoever may be up there.

Raised catholic, church was home to me.

It still is today, but I feel I have lost it.

I do not agree with some of the things the church says - and I am incredibly disappointed that women do not have many rights in the church.

We aren't even allowed to become bishops or priests...not even deacons.

I have friends who are gay, bi, or transgender.

And I love them so much.

I also think priests should be allowed to marry.

If they were allowed to marry I firmly believe there would be less sex scandals.

It is disgusting what has happened.

Especially to so many innocent children.

My church just isn't what it used to be for me.

We got a new priest and so many traditions were taken away.

I enjoyed decorating for Christmas - but I am not allowed to do that anymore.

It had the pleasure of setting up the Nativity..and placing the infant Jesus in the manger.

And now without doing that - Christmas has felt strange these past 2 years.

I have now been floating around from church to church..

Feeling literally homeless and out of place.

I usually go alone.

And I feel so empty.

Yet I will never give up my faith.

It is too precious.

And I am alive.

I am so blessed.

As of today, my faith is looked on upon as evil.

Due to scandals and money.

Due to society.

Due to our beliefs on abortion.

The doctors and even some family members strongly advised my parents to

abort me.

Thankfully they did not - I will forever be thankful.

I wish I could bring change - because that is what we as a church desperately need.

We need more acceptance.

More love.

Less hatred.

Our world seems to be burning down now - and there are moments at night I am in bed thinking.

"I'm still alive...and one day I am going to die. again."

This time around, no one will bring me back to life.

Sometimes I feel like I am living life just waiting to be buried and letting precious time waste away.

I feel as though instead of waiting for death - we need to truly live.

We need to live like we're going to die everyday.

Not just sit around and drown others in our opinions.

Not take people down.  

We just need to live as lights.

Lights with acceptance and more love.

Because with out it -

We will all truly perish.

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Tony Jordan]

The dark poem surprised me somewhat, knowing your sunny disposition but that's why we write I guess to give expression to those feels that we don't allow the sun to shine upon. So with that and your story in mind, the dark poem didn't surprise me any longer.
A time of political transition, cultural upheaval and (for you) spiritual chaos - I wonder your poems aren't even darker !!
(hugs)
Keep Writing my friend!