Chapter 4

Over the next few weeks he masters the song and dance of keeping everyone in the dark. His immune system isn't the best, that’s his excuse for the repeated absences from school. But it is true chemo therapy destroyed his immune system. None of the pack pays much attention to the sad looks Ryan gets from the teacher. They don’t notice when he is pulled into the guidance counselors room 2 twice a week. Ryan claims that they messed up his schedule and that it needed sorting out and they believe him for a while.

By early October he has to shave his head but is hair was always short and no one commented. Until he complains that his head is getting cold. The others laugh at him, saying that there isn't much difference in the amount of hair he had before, and he's actually able to find the humor in that, because it does seem ridiculous, that he has cancer, but luckily they only sees the façade and not the disease.

Bri shows up at dinner with a navy blue, beanie that looked handmade. "I got bored with training" she offers as an explanation before tugging the hat onto Ryan's head. "Now you can’t complain"

They all laugh and Ryan is just grateful. He'd been slowly working up to wearing a hat all the time, but this is perfect. This is a handmade by Bri Charmant; of course he's going to wear it all the time. Besides, his head really has been getting cold, but that might be because he's almost always cold now. His hands were always in the jacket pockets partly from the cold but also from the extensive chemo regiment, his bones protruded sharply and they shook too much to be normal.

He's lost some weight, not enough for people at school or even his friends to notice while he wore his baggy t-shirts and jeans. His mom's noticed, and that's what hurts Ryan the most. His mom is slipping away, not so much with drinking but with work, she is always taking extra shifts partially because the medical bills pile up fast, but also that she seemed to need space, she couldn’t watch her son fall just like her husband, while she stands helpless. She needed a distraction.

The rest of September passes in a blur. He doesn't get to see Julia as often as he wants to, but Julia always seems pretty understanding. Ryan misses the summer, when it was warm and he wasn’t sick.