Where's the Cream

Warning there is one wee curse word at the end.

Where's the Cream

What do you mean?
You don't have any cream?
the Starbucks-spoiled princess did yelp;
she lamented; and let out a scream.

Holy Green Mermaid! she carried on.
I see skim, 2-percent, and whole milk, 
there's even a fermented bean juice, 
rotting away on the shelf!

Half and half is not the same,
my petulant apron-clad friend.
Put that water-downed atrocity away;
you put it away in the bin!

It's cream in my coffee, 
the fattier the better.
This cup is my nirvana;
calories don't count in heaven. 

Now, I know what your thinking;
Our little princess should switch to decaf tea
The problem, our little princess ...
                                  our little princess is me.

So take my advice for another day, 
another day you want to live, that is.
For without my morning cup of joe,
this princess is a fire-spitting dragon. 

From my dead gripping talons, 
will you get my cup of caffeine;
so wipe that silly smirk from your face;
soothe the beast ... a
nd get me some f*****g cream!!!

Author's Note

Reviews

[Mittens]

I am never getting between you and your caffeine... that is a dangerous situation. In fact, it might be safer for us all to just invent a way of introducing it to your system intravenously. But on the plus side, apparently that wonderful chemical leads to some fantastic writing out of you, so we might actually up your dosage.

By the way, I love that your "I don't care what you think of my Starbuck's Princess" side and how you're unapologetic about it. You do such a good job of the perspective that I'm willing to bet you could write a story about two year old throwing a tantrum and actually have the reader sympathizing with what we would normally perceive as a annoying incident.

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Matt. It's all about perspective really. I mean how ridiculous to get so upset over such a small thing. (PS. I am not really this bad.) We are so blessed, but yeah cream is better. Part of my philosophy in this life is to laugh off as much as you can, and laugh at yourself as much as you can, leaving the fretting for the big stuff. So glad you enjoyed and another fantastic review, sir.

[Keith]

Yep, nothing like the real deal.

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Keith.

[Luke L]

hahaha easy it's just cream, it's not like it's something important like... apples. Gall!

[Pryde Foltz]

Hahaha. You put apples in your coffee??? Thank you, Luke.

[Luke L]

no just apples in general.

[Pryde Foltz]

Tee hee..........

[redflutterby]

Oh this gave me a much needed smile!! Too funny!! ;-)

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Red.

[rutherford]

Ah back to a favorite theme. How I love it. You've captured those tense moments of needing that just right cup of coffee. Also, I think you've captured the attitude of Starbucks Barristas with their "smirking". And again, expert alternation between voices. Wonderful send up.

[rutherford]

PS, favorite phrase, "fermented bean juice."

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Rutherford. Yes, can you believe it; some people actually put soy in their coffee. lol.

[rutherford]

What kind of world is that? From personal experience if my spouse does not have half and half in the house for the first cup, there is no question that I go out and bring it back. I feel your pain.

[Pryde Foltz]

lol. You are a good husband, John.

[KeeD]

Haha the princess demands her Coffee with cream! such a smooth refreshing write, with a whole lot of attitude that I freaking adore. Good stuff Pryde Foltz, very cool!

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Mr. Method.

[Anand Sehgal]

you are very efficient in creating Commercialized product imagery :) Liked the story telling in it.

[Pryde Foltz]

"commercialized product imagery' -- just the world we live in. Although, I do in face like my Starbucks. Thank you, Anand.

[Jackie Porter]

enjoyed this made me laugh

[Marie]

I'd rather drink decaf that real coffee without real cream.

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Marie

[WithLoveandLoss.]

This is richly clever. Loved it!

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Loveandloss