Where's the Cream

Warning there is one wee curse word at the end.

Where's the Cream

What do you mean?
You don't have any cream?
the Starbucks-spoiled princess did yelp;
she lamented; and let out a scream.

Holy Green Mermaid! she carried on.
I see skim, 2-percent, and whole milk, 
there's even a fermented bean juice, 
rotting away on the shelf!

Half and half is not the same,
my petulant apron-clad friend.
Put that water-downed atrocity away;
you put it away in the bin!

It's cream in my coffee, 
the fattier the better.
This cup is my nirvana;
calories don't count in heaven. 

Now, I know what your thinking;
Our little princess should switch to decaf tea
The problem, our little princess ...
                                  our little princess is me.

So take my advice for another day, 
another day you want to live, that is.
For without my morning cup of joe,
this princess is a fire-spitting dragon. 

From my dead gripping talons, 
will you get my cup of caffeine;
so wipe that silly smirk from your face;
soothe the beast ... a
nd get me some f*****g cream!!!

Author's Note

Reviews

[Mittens]

I am never getting between you and your caffeine... that is a dangerous situation. In fact, it might be safer for us all to just invent a way of introducing it to your system intravenously. But on the plus side, apparently that wonderful chemical leads to some fantastic writing out of you, so we might actually up your dosage.

By the way, I love that your "I don't care what you think of my Starbuck's Princess" side and how you're unapologetic about it. You do such a good job of the perspective that I'm willing to bet you could write a story about two year old throwing a tantrum and actually have the reader sympathizing with what we would normally perceive as a annoying incident.

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Matt. It's all about perspective really. I mean how ridiculous to get so upset over such a small thing. (PS. I am not really this bad.) We are so blessed, but yeah cream is better. Part of my philosophy in this life is to laugh off as much as you can, and laugh at yourself as much as you can, leaving the fretting for the big stuff. So glad you enjoyed and another fantastic review, sir.

[Akshay Rawal]

coffee tastes hell without cream...I loved the phrase"calories don't count in heaven"...Its tacky.....The morning cup of coffee is a bliss for many ....i wish your apron-clad friend doesn't forget to pour cream in the coffee next time

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Akshay.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really enjoyed this...it's real...that first cup for many is what keeps them from becoming beasts of the morning...

it really "f*****g" does...and please....watch the curse words would ya...????? my virgin eyes.

[Pryde Foltz]

Hahaha. Just like your cup of joe, this poem came with a warning. Yeah, it was 'bloody' to begin with but it didn't have the same punch as the f'bomb. Thank you, Jacob.

[L.Edward]

Yes, yes, yes. One of life's great indulgences. Should not be screwed with. To do so is sacrelige of the highest order. One of my fellow employees recently made the mistake of coming between me and my first coffee of the morning with a spleen full of bullshit, right when I was making it. It was like the way a pissed off dog gets when its guarding its food bowl. She won't be doing that again. Not even in the next life.

[Pryde Foltz]

Hahahaha. You can relate.

[L.Edward]

Without cream for my coffee the universe becomes fractally inverted and torments me with swarms of rabid fluffy pink writing loafers. And thats only for the first five minutes, it gets worse from there. After that they start to sing Green Day songs that have been mutilated into broadway show tunes till Ive had my fix.

[Pryde Foltz]

It worse for me. My coffee tastes thin.

[L.Edward]

They serve thin coffee on the express elevator to hell methinks.

[Pryde Foltz]

probably hot carob

[L.Edward]

Shivers. Ewwwwh. The horror, the horror!

[Pryde Foltz]

Hot carob with warm soy milk.

[Tam Warink]

Oh, I could have SUCH fun with those last two words... context and innuendo be damn. But then someone would scream... I am reminded of the saying, "You shall know a word by the company it keeps." Coffee? Oh, this was about coffee... r-i-g-h-t. :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Yes, it was about coffee and the screaming banshee that is me. Thank you, Tam.

[Tam Warink]

I don't doubt that you could impersonate a screaming banshee but really, you seem much to thoughtful and kind to really pull it off; or am I just being a bit too naive? ^_^

[Pryde Foltz]

I am hard on myself, perhaps. Saves others the bother.

[p.kuhl]

Ha! Nice prescribed write, witty and salty, but thoughtful. Sometimes you just can't settle with anything but the best........right?

[Pryde Foltz]

Sure and sometimes, I need to take a chill pill. lol. Thank you, Pkul.

[Baby Ricochet]

Cute poem. Starbucks ceo talked s**t about the marine Corps and refused to supply us with coffee during the iraqi occupation so f**k them.

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Baby.

[B-poet]

A candid & entertaining write. Great work. An enjoyable read. :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Bpoet.

[MsJewel]

LOL... Without a good cup of coffee in the morning the whole day can be shot to hell. I can relate to this one!

:) Julie

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Julie.

[Dye]

This made me laugh. Of course I started reading it thinking "what a spoiled b*tch!" But I love that you poked fun at yourself. I can't live without my coffee, and when I have it-- it needs to be perfect. Very witty, funny poem Pryde

[Pryde Foltz]

Lol. I am sure that is what the guy at Whole Foods thought too. Although, I do hope I exaggerated some. But yes, coffee without cream is not a good start to the day. Thank you, Dye.

[Douglas White]

Coffee... daily saving the lives of everyone around me after I wake up for over 20 years. Drink it all day, all night. On the really rough mornings, I mainline IV it right to the carotid artery. (I have the Black & Decker Caffeine Express IV accessory; it attaches right to the coffee machine with a quick connect dispenser to the Speed Brew when I'm... wait... no, I'm having fantasies about my coffeemaker again, damn it.)

On an aside: I don't shower, so much as percolate.

Had to give up the cream, though.

[Pryde Foltz]

For me, cream makes the coffee, without it might as well be tea, and then I'll take an Earl Grey.