Evolving

Contest write #3

Neanderthal heard thunder

and didn’t understand;

that whole affair with fire,

a discovery unplanned

 

A balloon-like sun came up each day

giving precious light;

the silver moon a mystery

dominating night

 

His survival was a puzzle

that defied a clear solution

each step forward brought him closer

to a war with evolution 

Author's Note

Third piece using at least five of these words: affair, crime, war, fire, precious, silver, thunder, scarlet, balloons.

Reviews

[annie lee]

I like this, including the rhyme. I am clumsy at rhyming, but I really enjoyed this. The poor Neanderthal, pushed towards a cycle that was his doom. Great poem.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you - I have fun with rhyme quite a lot. :)

[Marie]

Very good use of all these words. Though Neandrathal man was not coming closer to evolution; he was already evolving. Y=But poetic license is granted.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Marie. Neanderthal and cro magnon co-existed; cro magnon beat Neanderthal in the evolution game.

[rhythm&blues]

You did a phenomenal job working within the construct, good work.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks! These challenges keep my brain moving... :)

[Baby Ricochet]

There are times when I definitely resemble a Neanderthal so I relate to the "who make fire" aspect of this piece. Great work Rita

[Rita L. Sev]

Ha! :) Thanks, Mark.
You comment made me think of Tom Hanks in Cast Away: "I...have made fire!"

[Angel]

I like it. It reminds me of high school daze...
Well done!

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Angel!

[Aethereal]

It seems that you used seven of these words, and did it in rhyme. Everyone knows that Prometheus gave cavemen fire, As far a evolution goes, dinosaurs were on Earth much longer than we were. But for some bad luck in connection with dinosaurs we'd all be cold blooded lizard people with forked tongues instead of highly evolved mice.

[Renée]

It is amazing it seems the tighter the restrictions on a contest piece..the sweet the product..
you not only met the requirements..you wrote a interest piece that flowed perfectly !
Love the subject !

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Renee - this was another fun challenge. As soon as I saw "fire" and "thunder" my mind conjured the poor Neanderthal, trying to figure these things out... :)

[Renée]

( :
.....

[PP]

From monkey to man we have evolved, eh? Nice one Rita:)

[Rita L. Sev]

Well, something like that... ;) Thanks, Prathama!

[Will]

I really like this one, Rita. The survival of man defies much logic, and it is a beautiful thing. Great rhyme, wonderful concept, and great poem. Way to go,

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Will! :)

[Angi]

This takes me back to my love for, 'Clan of the cavebear.' Do you remember that series by Jean Auel? Nicely done piece using the words given. There are so many fun contests going! Angi~

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Angi! LOVE "Clan of the Cave bear"! Actually just watched the movie recently (pales in comparison to the book, which I have read more than once). I really was bored today, and looking for something to write - this was a fun challenge. Giving it a try? ;)