I'M INCOMPLETE WITHOUT YOU

The love seemed to be fantasy,
which i pretended to be deep for you,..
consequences of your pleads,
made to to accept the truth..
 
But today i'm alone,
and wondering what would i have been,
if you held my hand,
and lead my soul further...
 
Although i'm dead today,
with no tears left to shed,,
but still i've the power,
to reunite my lost soul...
 
You left me the past winter,
and least did the leaves grew,
for now i'm unnoticed tree,
 
i tried to move on,
but each in hurdle i cried for you,
for you were my power,
who knew that's not for ever....
 
I'm still missing u,
maybe only at sad times,
for i least had them,
when your love rode me over!!:(

Reviews

[Opposum]

It was an awsome poem but there were a few words missing,doubled, and some comma and period troubles that I retyped for you. Luckally none of the words needed changing :) thanks for the write dude(sorry dude is a wierd word huh?

The love seemed to be fantasy,
which I pretended to be deep for you,..
consequences of your pleads,
made to accept the truth...

But today I'm alone,
and wondering what I would have been,
if you held my hand,
and lead my soul further...

Although I'm dead today,
with no tears left to shed,
but still I've the power,
to reunite my lost soul...

You left me the past winter,
and least did the leaves grow,
for now I'm an unnoticed tree,

I tried to move on,
but each in hurdle I cried for you,
for you were my power,
who knew that's not for ever....

I'm still missing you,
maybe only at sad times,
for I least had them,
when your love rode me over!!:(


P.s. tell me when or your done with this / if you arent going to use this so I can remove the restating

[Maryam]

Aww I loved the line 'when your love rode me over!!' with that sad face at the end. It was a very good read and a heartfelt write.

[M]

The feelings of the poem are melancholic and measured with colorful imagery. It comes across as very sincere. :D

[Kuhr Gred]

oh.. how sweet.. :) i feel the flow :) great write ;)

[Dayran]

Its possible that in each new life, the heart assesses the individual's capacity for love, no doubt in anticipation of how much you are capable of giving. The rest of your Jiva plan must flow from there. You seem to be doing allright. Nice write!

[Pax]

getting over is the hardest part in life
today its heavy
yet like in the sayings time heals wounds
in time it gets lighter and lighter..

[luna11]

Beautifully written.
A few grammar mistakes, for example you didn't capitilise the 'I's.
But other than that I really like it :)
xx

[Cathy Wattam]

Beautiful emotion here. Some great lines but unfortunately, some errors too.

You have written "made to to accept the truth" - one 'to' too many.

"You left me the past winter, and least did the leaves grew, for now i'm unnoticed tree" - might be better as "You left me the past winter, and at least the leaves grew, for now I'm an unnoticed tree". Just a thought. Feel free to disagree.

Keep on writing, you have some great thoughts and emotions flowing :-)

[Manpreet]

Beautifully expressed and delicately expressed work!