OUR BEGINNING

"A distinctive rhyming pattern"

It feels so grand, to hold your hand,

And walk wherever you will lead,

The stars above, shining with love,

And you by me is all I need.

 

Just one last while, these lips will smile,

As we will cross this endless shore,

Your hand in mine, will make things fine,

I’m sure a man cannot want more.

 

We will move on, all worries gone,

For we have cut ties with this Earth.

The splashing waves, will form our graves,

As we enter the Land of Mirth.

 

The moon and stars, shall bear the scars,

That we had once borne on our hearts.

The sun will rise, up in the skies,

And find us where the New Life starts.

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Gosh, Shabeeh!
This is simply stunning work, My Friend, with a flow like silk ribbons in a gentle breeze.
Your presentation in color and italics softens the feel and appeals to the mind's-eye, your lines, each composed of skillfully laid and chosen words in perfect iambic tetrameter, virtually dance upon the page; then, there is the spot-on rhyme scheme that any rhyming poet would envy … naturally, as do I.
Technically, though your count is precisely in-tune with my Fours 'n Eights form, the rhyme-scheme is not exactly the same, as mine is a-a,b,a-a,b, while yours is a-a,b,c-c,b … sooo close! : )
Whatever, I sincerely love, not only the form of this piece, but the promising, romantic message that danced out from your mind and heart onto the page, for us to marvel at and enjoy.

Thank you ever-so gratefuly, Shabeeh, for sharing your fine penmanship … smiles to you! ⁓ Richard

[Shabeeh Haider]

Richard, thank you for this amazing review. It has been a pleasure to meet a poet like you who has such a varied style of writing. And writing in rhymes has won you a permanent fan

[Richard🖌]

I, too, admire your style, Shabeeh, and am sincerely proud to be your fan! : )

[AliciaB]

This poem is so, so beautiful. You definitely do utilize a distinctive rhyme scheme, one that compliments the calm, soothing, flowing nature of the poem excellently. I love the internal rhymes (I am a big fan of that kind of thing), and the rhythm that you maintain, especially in the final line of each stanza, is lovely and absolutely amazing. Besides these things, the ocean imagery, stars, moon, sun, scars, smiles, hands, hearts - all of it is breathtakingly beautiful. This poem made me smile in the way that it is simple yet expresses an incredibly profound depth of love. The theme of eternally lasting love is very touching. I honestly cannot choose a favorite line from this poem because I love them all. Each one compliments the others, and they are all necessary and wonderfully constructed. This poem was a true joy to read. Excellent, excellent work!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Alicia, I am honoured and humbled by your very wonderful words. I am so glad you enjoyed reading this poem and were attracted to the depth of its message.
Thank you for such a wonderful review

[AliciaB]

You are most welcome!

[Bear]

Bravo! Your rhyme scheme is spectacular with true rhymes all,the meter is so smooth you poem almost reads its self. Romantic beginnings are always a great topic to write about but with your rhyme and phrasing, you take it to a new level. I want to thank Emily for the read request for this poem it was a pleasure to read, I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[Shabeeh Haider]

thank you Bear for reviewing and liking my poem

[James]

Wonderful, I like a rhyming poem, especially when it has excellent cadence and this does. A few bumpy spots, but that doesn't take away at all. I love the visuals. Very romantic.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you James for your kind words

[Wolf_Lord]

Wow... (The moon and stars, shall bear the scars, That we had once borne on our hearts.) You have a way with words. The imagery is very crisp. the associations very clear. Good job and keep it up. Wolf_Lord but my frns call me Wolf and I hope you will be one. ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you wolf, for your very kind words. :)

[Ria Carol]

Shabeeh i must tell you its such a wonderful rhyming scheme that you created here!..i love the third stanza the land of mirth just took my breath away!...stunning poetry

[Shabeeh Haider]

I am so glad you liked this rhyming scheme, Ria. Every one relates differently to a poem and I am glad the third stanza affected you in such a way

[Happy hours]

loved it man...very well written. :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Happy hours for stopping by

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love starts, and with it, Life.

not a big rhyme fan, but you do it well here...the rhythm is succinct...

j.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Thank you Jacob, for your kind words

[barleygirl]

Your rhyme & rhythm are very tight & flowing. Your message is interesting & symbolic of the way a new life can begin when two people come together in love. I especially like the way you use many visuals from nature to get your point across.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Barleygirl, I am glad that you liked this poem and enjoyed the rhythm of these verses

[Woody]

Gosh, Haider! I was getting ready to write a glowing praise for this stunningly beautiful gem when I happened to glance at Richard's review and I'll never be able to top that up. so I'll echo that poet who is an authority on this site.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Woody, it is my honour to read your wonderful words of praise

[Riti Rajput]

What an amazing rhyming pattern dear..... I always love to read your poems...
This is simple and sweet like a rhyming song... I wish I could write like you... But I learn a lot from you...
The flow of the poem is so smooth... Thanks for sharing... :) :) :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Rita, I am glad you enjoyed it. You have your own unique style of writing and it will improve with time.