To Fall Back to Where You Came From

Alice wakes up in a hospital, just the place she didn't want to end up.

    There was a distinct beeping in the background, a rythme that drove Alice to the point of wanting to jump yet again from a high building.  She felt pain everywhere, stabbing at her chest every time she breathed in.  Her muscles groaned and complained while her heart beat slowly, still caged behind what she assumed were broken bones.  This is anything but free, she thought bitterly to herself as she tried, in vain, to open her eyes.  She moaned as searing needles jabbed at her brain menacingly and she squeezed her eyes shut against it.  She heard a gasp from somewhere beside her and she withheld yet another groan as she realized she had company in this hell.

    Was she dead or not?  It sure as hell didn't feel like death, just an utter conundrum of pain.  She tried to move her fingers, testing if possibly one part of her wasn't broken and pissed at her.  They moved freely, without anything complaining as she squeezed her hand into a fist and then released her fingers in rythme with the beeping.  Alice began to take notice of other feelings, like a chill that rolled over her from somewhere above, and light cold objects laying on her cheekbones and slithering up her nostrils.  Something jabbed at her in her right hand and she flinched as it stirred under her skin.

    Slowly, she started to open her eyes, ignoring the yelling within her brain as her eyes adjusted to the bright light that beamed down from the blank, sterile ceiling.  Is this heaven, she wondered as her eyes scanned the ceiling with pure curiousity and traced the lines of the white tiles.  Suddenly and gently, something touched her hand and she jerked back.  Alice regretted her movement instantly as a jeering complaint came from her ribs and unseen bruises.  She flinched again, gasping quietly at the pain that resignated from every particle of her being. 

    "Alice?"  A voice said gently, an undertone of worry.  Alice's heart skipped a beat as her eyes moved towards the boy beside her bed, leaning forward in a old rickety chair.  Kee, she thought tenderly as she absorbed him, letting his essence fill her broken body with energy.  She scanned over his dark hair that curled slightly at the nape of his neck and his dark blue eyes, filled with worry and... sadness.  His scrawny body was slouched, the purple under his eyes a telltale of how little sleep he'd gotten.  She glanced down at his hand, hovering above her own as he considered touching it again.

    Alice smiled, her cheeks protesting quite loudly as she did so and stared at her brother with joy.  Kee frowned in response and the worry she'd seen in his eyes was replaced with an anger that shrank her to miniscule proportions.  Guilt washed over her.

    "Kee," she started, her voice raspy and cracking in strange ways.  Kee snatched his hand that had lingered above hers and shook his head, his hair flinging itself into his raging eyes.  Alice felt so small, lying there feebly in what she now recognized as a hospital bed and staring up into his face.  She'd never seen him so angry, at least not at her.

    "No," he growled, tears collecting in his blue eyes, the color in them reminding her of a stormy sea.  She bit her lip.  "Don't start with any excuses because I don't want any.  How could you, Alice?  How?  I can't even fathom a reason why you'd- you'd do such a thing!  Did you even take me or mom, or anyone into consideration?  Even a tad?"  He continued, his rage pouring out in rushs as the tears spilled over.

    "I did," Alice reluctantly replied, unable to bear the look in her brother's eyes.  His youth, she realized, was being slowly taken from him by her actions.  Another wave of guilt crashed into her, adding onto the pounding pains of her body. 

    "Don't lie to me!" Kee yelled as his hands, now placed on his lap, clenched into fists and showing the whites of his knuckles.  She flinched back from his harsh tone, saddened that she'd brought this on.  But I wanted to die, this wasn't the plan, she thought viciously.  She'd never planned to live and now she had to face the consequences of actually surviving what should have been perfectly fatal.  She turned her eyes back to the ceiling and glared, angry at herself for living and angry at whatever freaky force of nature had "saved" her.

    Alice felt a pressure on the side of her bed and glanced back at Kee.  Holding back tears, she took in the sight of him, his elbows on her bed, his hands clutching at his downcasted head.  Sobs wrenched out of him as his shoulders heaved.  Alice wanted so much to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder but the pain chained her in place and so did her guilt.  I caused this, she thought with regret; she regretted living.

    Alice cursed silently at herself as she struggled to raise her arm, scrunching her already pained face as she reached out to him.  Slowly she rested her hand on his head, smoothing the frazzled dark cluster of curls.  His sobs continued but they weren't as frantic, as gut-wrenching as before.  She looked down at him, anguished at his defenseless state.  Kee looked so heartbroken, so distraught.

    "Kee, please don't cry.  I'm right here, I'm here," Alice repeated over and over, trying to soothe him.  Kee gradually began to recover, his shoulders slumped in defeat as he raked his hands through his hair then gently grabbing her hand off his head and putting it softly down onto the bed.  Kee shook his head slowly, his eyes swollen and red from crying.

    "No, Alice, no you're not.  You never have been.  You've always been somewhere else, or wanting to be.  I can see in your eyes how much you don't want to be here right now.  How disappointed you are for not dying.  Why, Alice... why do you want to leave me, leave us, so badly?"  Kee said, his eyes pleading her.  She swallowed, already set on edge by that one question.  Alice didn't want to answer him, not when he was so tattered from what she did.  Before she could even open her mouth to make up an excuse, the door behind Kee opened.  In the doorway stood a tall strong, broad shouldered man with a complimentarily short and dainty woman at his side. 

    The man towered over, casting a shadow into the room and sending a impulsive shudder down Alice's body.  His hair was the same blonde color as her own but flat and smooth, unlike her waves and curls.  It was cropped and windswept, tendrils of it brushing against his forehead.  His face was also unlike her own, he had sharp, blunt angles to his jaws and cheeks and was of a pale complexion.  His eyes, oh how she wanted to evade his eyes, but yet she chanced a glance at them and internally cringled at the smoldering rage and coldness that his dark brown - almost black - eyes contained. 

    Quickly, she glanced over to her mother, before her father's eyes could consume and choke her.  She was thin-boned, like herself, with curly black hair that was identical to Kee's and that fell to her shoulders.  Her face was shoftly set and heart shaped so she appeared kind and loving to others, but Alice knew better as she glanced into her mother's blue eyes and saw a burning anger and hatred.  Alice thought snidly to herself how wonderful it was to not have either of their eyes, her hazel eyes a genetic blunder that was rumored to be passed down from her great-grandmother. 

    If it hadn't been for the figure and curls she recieved from her mother, or the blonde colored hair she'd recieved from her father, Alice would have ventured into an argument of being wrongly placed at birth.  Alice would have loved to be able to disown this family but Kee always sent knots of pain into her heart every time she thought about it.  Just the thought of him being at her funeral almost convinced her not to go through with her plans but her determination prodded her on.  Now look where it got her: right back to square one.

    A harsh, sharp voice pulled her away from her thoughts and to the present.  She tore her gaze from her frowning mother to her father, who wore a dangerous mask.

    "Well, Alice?  What do you have to say for yourself?"  Her father went on as if he actually thought she was listening.  She sighed, flinching slightly as her ribs protested.  She looked herself over and she saw that both her arms where yellowed by bruises. When she looked away from that, feeling queezy, she saw that the moving thing under her right hand's skin was a needle that was hooked up to an IV.  Alice paled and stared down at the only safe thing to look at, her blanket. 

    "Alice," her mother hissed when Alice didn't answer her father.  She feared to look at her father but she knew that if she didn't, it would only anger him farther.  Alice sighed again and bore her eyes into her father's, instantly feeling small and feeble compared to him.  She clenched her jaw, refusing to show how much he shook her up as she licked her dry, cracked lips.

    "What do you want me to say, Conrad?"  Alice answered in a firm voice.  She watched as his mouth twitched, his eyes blazing stronger than usual for a moment and then relief washed over her as the blaze died down.

    "How about 'father', not Conrad, and that... you could have died and you want our forgiveness?" Her father responded in a flat, cool tone.  She shivered again as his voice brought memories whirling back into her head.  She pushed back at the images, refusing to acknowledge them as she clenched her fist.  Kee glanced back at her, uneasy and his eyes pleading with her to be cautious with her wordplay.

    "That was the plan, actually and I don't want your forgiveness at all.  The only one in here I'm ever going to apologize to is Kee,"  Alice said in an equally flat tone.  Her father's eyes blazed yet again, a madness only she could see rearing its ugly head.  She repressed a cringe as he glared at her, his fists causing the veins in his arms and hand to pop out angrily.

    Kee stiffened in his seat, his eyes stuck on Alice's face and blind to their father's response.  She wished he could see what she did, but then again she hoped he wouldn't.  He looked at her with anguish and shock.  Alice had said yet another thing that had upset him.

    "You planned to die?"  Her mother asked incredulously.  Alice glanced over at her mother with disdain and held back a scowl.

    "What else, mother?  I planned to fall off a building and test the force of gravity?  Or see if I could make like spiderman?  Really, Deborah, there is only one reason someone would throw themselves off a building," Alice retorted.  She wished she could sit up, instead of talking with her head against a pillow.  She wanted to appear strong, to show she wouldn't fall apart at their anger.  The inclination of the bed was enough for her to look at her parents at a fair level but still, she wanted to support herself.

    Alice could feel her father's penetrating gaze on her and sweat formed on her forehead as she tried, in vain, to not look at him while she continued to feel his stare.  Finally, she glanced over and regretted it.  There was a calculating look in his eyes, mixed with rage and something she didn't want to dwell to hard on.  There was a darkness in them she had seen plenty of times before and wished yet again that she hadn't looked at him.  It took all the strength within her to yank her eyes from his and decided with finality that the only thing she would look at was the blanket that covered her torso.  As she glanced down she saw that the weight she felt on her cheekbones and in her nose were tubes.  She grimaced at the thought of tubes in her nose and glanced over at the machine that beeped constantly.  The machine glowed green against black as it marked her heartbeats and she waited for it to flash GAME OVER but her hope for that to happen was close to nil.

    Alice felt a hand come down on hers and this time she didn't jerk away.  Slowly and cautiously she glanced over at Kee.  He looks so tired and haggard, She thought to herself and pitied her dedicated brother.  He must have stayed by her side the whole time and watched her as she recovered. 

    "Say," Alice began and her voice cut into the tense, hovering silence, "how long have I been here?" 

    Kee grimaced. "You've been here a few days.  You... were checked in on Saturday and it's Monday now," he said, turning green.  She could only imagine what he was remembering.

    "I'm so sorry, Kee," Alice whispered gently to him and gripped his hand.  Kee smiled weakly up at her, not trully believing her words but wanting to.  She could see, almost feel, how badly he wanted to believe her.  Alice felt a pang in her chest and a knotting that for once wasn't because of her physical state.  Alice felt Kee squeezed her hand and smiled at him, hoping that someday she'd regain his trust.

    "Well isn't this touching," her mother snapped as she strolled into the room and gracefully sat down in a chair propped up against the wall opposite her hospital bed.  Alice rolled her eyes and took in the room bit by bit.  Her room was just as sterile as the ceiling, her walls a plain "calming" blue with white trimming and a single window on the other side of her bed.  The curtains hide the view from her and blocked out the sunlight she so greatly wanted to see.  Already Alice felt claustrophobic and felt more than saw the walls slowly creeping in on her, squeezing her in closer to her parents.  She shuddered.

    Suddenly her father was beside her, brushing aside a stray blonde curl from her eyes and she froze.  Her hand went limp in Kee's hand and he looked at her questioningly as her father drew back to examine her, not seeing her reaction.  Alice tried to regain her composure and felt as the blood returned to her face after her father's hand left her skin.  She threw a quick glance at him, he was hovering over her and she felt like an ant under a microscope; that microscope being his eyes.  They shot right through her, burning through her skin and deep into her body.  She felt caged, cornered, and preyed every time her father glanced at her.  It didn't matter how long the look lasted, it still sent shivers down to her core. 

    Alice's father finished scanning her injuries (she had plenty) and then caught her eyes in a grip once again.  His eyes weren't as filled with anger as before, just that calculating look with a lingering darkness behind it.  Alice swallowed, feeling an emptiness in her chest and a hollowness in her being as he continued to bore his eyes into hers.  When the door to the room opened again with a creak, it was a relief to Alice that her father turned to see the new addition.  She sighed heavily, feeling her body sink deeper into the bed.  Alice wished it could swallow her up. 

    "Sorry, just wanted to check up on the patient," a strangely familiar voice said from the doorway.  She didn't even look over to see who it was, she was too exhausted to even do anything but close her eyes and wish she wasn't there.  Kee clenched her hand, let it go, and then she heard the springs in the chairs groan as Kee stood up.

    "She's awake and healing," she heard her father say in his pleasant voice, usually directed to those who weren't family.  All a mask, she thought darkly.

    "Thanks for what you did," Kee said, a sort of admiration in his voice.  Alice stiffened as she repeated Kee's words in her mind.  Thanks for what you did, thanks for what you did.  Alice's eyes flew open and they darted towards the target, the man standing in the doorway.  He was the man who saved her, she realized with conviction.  This was the culprit. 

    He wasn't bad-looking, not at all but she hated the sight of him.  He had a defined, handsome face and vivid green eyes with chestnut hair.  His body was tall, lean, and tanned from constant sunlight, characteristics she envied for she was as pale as her father and short like her mother.  In truth, she envied everything about him.  He was drop-dead gorgeous and she hated him;  Hated him for saving her.

    The man was oblivious to the hatred that rolled off of her in intervals.  He glanced over all their shoulders to her face and smiled gently, giving a slight wave of the hand.  Alice glared back at him and he blinked, confused.

    "I think I liked her better when she was asleep," he muttered as he continued to stare at her with his steady green eyes.

Reviews

[EdenEve]

its cringed not cringled and its softly not shoftly

[OutToLunch]

more, more!!!!! L-chan, you were doing so great, reeling me in, but now that the page gets longer and farther away from the point, i get, well, bored... but the ending is SUCH A CLIFFHANGER!!!! PX