Broken, I'll Remain

This is actually a song that I am too scared to sing. So here it is, all spelled out for you.

"Hey," you said, "I promise it's not too late."

Well, there isn't much more to say,

"baby without you I'm broken,:

so broken you'll remain.

Something's always missin',

maybe it wasn't there.

I pray to God you feel the same,

Cuz' broken I'll remain.

You say you wanna help,

you say that I'm to blame,

you say that without out I'm nothin',

but nothin's always been the same.

There's a hole you never filled,

a pit without your name.

But, babe when I said I was broken,

broken I'll remain.

Sorry was never good enough,

it's a good thing that I was tough,

You said I was the only one,

you said you were just havin' fun.

I'm sick of these games you play,

Because, broken we remain!

I'm broken.

Broken.

Broken.

Broken beyond compare.

I'm broken.

Broken.

Broken.

And broken I'll remain.

Author's Note

Like I said, this is actually a song but...yeah! Thanks for readin'!

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

This is beautiful; both to sing as a song where privacy finds a much more suitable audience when it comes to me, and also where it comes to me as a beautiful poem. Your first stanza is perfect. I feel I am able to have this moment where I get to set a chair next to you as you introduce this poem to me in the spoken form, and without you moving your lips just yet to read this to me, I am allowed to "hear" what thoughts are about to start this amazing conversation and convincing of YOURSELF, bringing me to a selfish knee in a humble pose!! Adorable second stanza with the repetition we get to witness in the first one and it reads awesome..... Capitalizing "god" was perfect to assume we know the role your BRAIN is assuming when contemplating this to and from tug-O-war you are having with your emotions. I Love it. The middle stanza?! Nope. lol It comes off like a rant to me and without the structure of unpredictability and form that the rest of your poem has, it takes a little away from the story you are telling, Shoelissa. The second half of the poem?! Liked it even more than the first half. You are not excusing how YOU reacted to this feeling you were feeling and the words you selected to use, works well enough to not drag on with a sort of linguistic "beat-down". lol Your apology is sarcastic and comes with the timing of what is now considered the "rant" part to me. Now that I think of how I read your poem, before, the "rant" section actually makes sense to me. xo You need a podium to pound some beats into whilst reading those lines, but if this is indeed a song, that middle part would make an awesome chorus to release some emotion pent up just before it, and what is ABOUT to follow. In the last section with the word "broken" being repeated, if the two "broken" words were cut out and at least four lines-spaced going down, I think the poem comes full circle and brings us back to the beginning, beautifully!! This was a lot of fun to read. Beautiful, Shoelissa.... I Love heartache in a poem when the author is affectionate and "creates"; not adapts to what may sound popular. There is nothing to NOT like except the space needed above and below the poem to center your poem in the middle and make it pop out onto the desktop to be read. xoxo -Mark

[Wolf]

From the first lines I could sing your lyrics.
Very nice song! I'm sure that it could be a hit if sang by the right band with the right instruments :)

[Btwixer]

Powerful and quite a read.

[zainul]

This is a great statement written in song.
Love it.