Queen of Apologies

Queen of Apologies

A Chapter by Ivana~

I am in love with a man. I fallen for his smile, his soul and his mind. To top it all off, he has a gorgeous smile. The only problem is...I've never met him in real life. 
This will be the death of me. 

Chapter 1/Queen of Apologies. 

Around about 5 years ago I started to communicate with people I've never met before online. Playing video games together, chatting together, and now..it has become so serious to where I've fallen for one of the men I talk to. He managed to completely knock me off my feet. For the longest time we went by our "usernames". He never really told me his actual name. So for now until I properly introduce you to him, we will call him...S. The letter is such a sensual mysterious letter, and it couldn't be anything short of what he was at the time about 8 months ago. Sensually mysterious. 
For the longest time our relationship was all for lust. I ended up growing more and more feeling's for him as time went by. 2 months in I decided to text him and tell him, this is how it went down.

           Me: "Hey..S. I was wondering, if you would ever consider becoming something other than this? I do actually love you ya know.." 
           S: "Hmm..I'll think about it, and I know you do." 

I accepted it just as that. "Alright he will think about it and come back to me soon..?" He never came back to that subject. I was 16, troubled teenager in her junior year of high school and I felt like he would never love me. So I did the ONLY logical thing that went through my mind... I hid myself away. Turns out this wasn't the best thing to do..

                                                 3 years previous to that date. 

 Adam, Jacob, Ricky, and Eric,My closest friend's since I've moved here to Maryland in the 5th grade,they were each musically talented since probably birth. The day I saw all of their talents inspired me. Adam kills it on drums, Jacob is amazing at guitar, Ricky rocks at the bass and Eric is an amazing singer. I met them on accident in the 7th grade when I was playing piano one day, and they over heard me. Piano was one of the two talent's I chose to embrace to people. They were the Gothic rock stars of the school, The outcasts, and my saviors. You see the only thing that we had in common was the fact we were outcast's and passionate about music. They saved me from my loneliness and took me in as their friend. 
About a year into our friendship, we had a hide out. It was at the old abandoned shoe factory that was behind the school. We were hanging out there in our bean bag chairs, drinking ice cold soda. When Adam stood up with his drum sticks and began to play a rock song he loved. The way his hair pin straight silky hair would flip and move as he played. They all had amazing hair, but Adam's was probably the best. He suddenly stopped and then everyone turned to look at him, the way he just suddenly stopped was creepy.

 Jacob: What's wrong man?
 Adam: Guys...why don't we start a band?

That's when it hit us, Adam just said the single most intelligent thing we have ever heard him say. For a second we all looked back and forth at each other until we all smiled simultaneously. From that day we met there after school every single day and started getting to work. At the beginning it was difficult to think of a name and actually start. We had just sat around all day in our chairs until I decided to change it all when I began to sing "Black Black Heart". I turned to look at them and Ricky snapped his fingers and gasped.

Ricky: You...are a genius. We can call ourselves Black Hearts. 
Adam: Makes sense.
Eric: Yea we all have something dark inside of each of us. 

And so, we became the Black Hearts. After our 8th grade year of utter hard practice on music, we all got a small crowd of 5 to 10 people. Adam on drums, Jacob on guitar, Ricky on bass, Eric on vocals and I on piano. That's how it was for a full year. Then high school hit and we gathered a bit more people. Around about 10 more people. Until the day that changed our band. 

My friends, are the most nosy of them all. Half way through freshman year, I was in one of the private studio's in the music hall. Singing my lungs out. Halfway through singing Panic At the Disco- Boys will be boys then I started singing Gwen Stefani- Hey baby Hey. Half way through that song I jumped upon seeing them peaking from the door. 

Adam: W-wow..Why didn't you ever tell us you could sing. 
Eric: Dude..You've got some strong lungs. 

After a bit of talking, I began to be the singer along with Eric. We sang side by side, and then we got around about 50 to 70 more people and slowly we began to perform for school dances, and small gig's around the area. Black Hearts were becoming something, and I was on the cover of their music.  

By sophomore year, the school new's were discussing us, even our rival school would talk about us. Richard, one of the students who would do student news introduced us for the first time on the news in the best possible way ever. 

Richard: "Alright guys, what you've been waiting for. The best news of the day, our DJ for the Mardi Gras as been chosen. Opening him will be none other than our school's Black Heart's. They are hip, They make our mascot Knight look sexier than our rival panthers. " 

That was the normal for us. That was my life. Our life. We made insane rock music, that teenagers for miles could relate to. Until the day..I went M.I.A  from society for 4 months.. 

© 2014 Ivana~

Author's Note

Please ignore any grammatical errors. Thank you.

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Wonderful, heartfelt piece of writing. I can relate to this a fair bit but that's going back a few years.

Posted 9 Years Ago

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Added on July 20, 2014
Last Updated on July 21, 2014



~Welcome to my account. ~The flower who married my brother the traitor. The Princess of Fantasy. Simply Seventeen. ~~~~~~~~~~~Enjoy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Enter the world of Dreams. more..

Goodbye. Goodbye.

A Poem by Ivana~