Twilight

The fog has gone; night fast approaches.
Day clings to life as dark encroaches.
Twilight is the brink of insanity.
The sun's plummet destroys humanity.

The moon reigns high, souls moan and sigh;
Stars peek and watch, as my eyes cry.
Sunlights memory is my only road,
I seal myself inside twilights abode.

Author's Note

An older poem...

Reviews

[Gordon Greene]

Great description.
Depression in nature.
g.g.

[Courtney, {qué S..]

Very well written. I love the rhyme scheme, and the internal rhyme in line 5 really added to the flow of the poem. The amount of emotion you put into the coming of twilight is amazing. This piece holds profound sadness; perhaps that is why I like it so much.

[Camoens, The Shadow-fir..]

A very strong peice. The asertation that sadness clings like night, when happiness vanished as day does, has been used for centuries but still is applicable and a very good anology.

This certainly echos within to very deep levels, and it shows in that its a very well writen peice as well. Many people can make rhymes, but this shows just how deeply you were feeling, that it came across so strongly.

As for advice on what to imrpove, theres very little that could be made better, you could add a little more to it, add another level of detail, you also speek of more than yourself in this poem such as :

"The moon reings high, souls moan and sigh"

and:

"Suns plumet destroys humanity"

in these two instances it seems like you refering to more than yourself with the use of plurals, and may make the reader wonder "whose souls?" or "really? All humanity? just a few peoples humanity? or only your own?"

you do quite a good job, you just need to tighten it up a little and it'll be perfect. Nicely done! This would have to be one of my favorite ones you've done.

[Candid Writer]

Very beautiful and rhythmic. Though this is suppose to be about depression and thus a sad thing, I find something beautiful in its form.

"I seal myself inside twilights abode." --- this is golden.

I

[Merancapeman]

As with the first review, the destruciton line is slightly heavy. Aside from "sunlights" I see no grammar errors, but the real thing is the poem and the meaning.

To the depressing person, this would suit them! Of course, in my opinion, I LOVE twilight, but your poem presents another side of darkness. In this sense, you portray it very well. It says something if you can take something I find pleasant and present it in the opposite emotion and STILL have it make sense to me. Well done, chap. I'd rate it 4.5, but 4 will have to do for now!

[Ragdoll]

very poignant.. i can see how twilight could represent insanity for some, altho it is my most favourite time of the day. however, i enjoyed your poem anyway and the images you painted. but i tend to agree with the first reviewer that the line "The sun's plummet destroys humanity" is a bit heavy and isn't explained in the poem. i'd like to see that, because the rest of the poem i think is well written.

i have one suggestion, in the first strophe it might work better metre-wise to say "darkness encroaches" instead of "dark..." and you'll want an apostrophe in "sunlight's memory."

this is powerful and catches the reader right away, and you do so with so few words. being a minimalist myself, i can always appreciate a well-written minimalist poem!! bravo!

shalom,
~Cat

[Melissa M.]

This is a good poem and I like it. However, the line "The sun's plummet destroys humanity" is pretty heavy. The few lines you give us don't really support that, and I would love to know you're interpretation of that line. If you feel the urge to expand on this poem I would encourage you to start with fleshing out that sentiment.