What Lies Beneath

Part 5: What Lies Beneath

The mind is truly an incredible thing. It has the ability to shut off certain events in our lives from access, it acts as a protector and a de-facto prison warden for all those horrifying events we've locked away. The very first post i put up was one of these such events. It was the catalyst for every incident in my life that has caused me sleepless nights, mental breakdowns and severe paranoia. It is why i reluctantly went for Age Regression Therapy sessions despite my scepticism. It is why i'm putting this part up now.

There is a lot more of this story to tell, some directly involving the things that torment me, some seem to be fractured and a piece that doesn't quite fit. Some haven't even directly involved me, only been regaled to me by a friend or family member upon reading these or being around in my life when these events occurred. Regardless, i will be putting it all up here as time goes on, hopefully someone far more intelligent than i can put it all together. Though for organisations sake, i will be splitting it into two separate story archives, one for events related to me, one for those indirectly related.

This post will detail the first of three sessions, Light Level. This is a clear recollection of certain events from the first post "Locked Away" as dictated to my therapist and then typed up in a more concise format.

I am back in my old bedroom as an 8 year old child, struggling to sleep and straining my ears for what is coming from downstairs. The house is unnaturally silent and I can clearly make out the sounds of kitchen draws being opened and slammed shut with excessive force. I'm surprised my parents don't react and rush downstairs, but I have little time to dwell on it as I hear the laboured thuds ascending the stairs. Despite being thrown back into that memory and being aware of it's inability to harm me, I am still gripped with terror. I know this is going to yield something, but i'm not sure what it will be. People? Monsters? Aliens? I am a man of facts and science, but I still have to admit I don't know enough about the world and what lies within it to completely dispel rumours of creatures. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, the feeling of bile rising in my stomach and my eyes unable to move from the door. I know despite the hypnosis, i'm dictating this to the therapist at the same time and I cannot imagine how full of fear i must sound.

The thuds stop and the continuous dragging along the carpet begins. This is it, i'm seconds away from knowing what this all is. The thing that has plagued my life for nearly 15 years and locked away in my sub-conscious is finally going to rear it's ugly head. The door is pushed slowly open and the three shadows rise up the adjacent wall.

But nothing ever comes past the door.

Instead, the shadows rise higher and higher until they stretch over my ceiling and directly above my bed. I can't take my eyes off of them, i'm afraid of what will happen if I do. I stare at them for a moment, before i hear my bedroom door slam violently shut. In that instant, a world of darkness engulfs me, darker than anything nature can produce. It was…nothing. Simply nothing. At this point, I was no longer breathing. I lacked any sense and I could do nothing but just remain in an almost perpetual state of nothingness.

After a moment, I was jerked awake and felt like I was taking a breath after being underwater for so long. My therapist looked concerned, she said after I recalled to the point of the shadows on my ceiling, I simply repeated the same poem over and over…I asked her what it was and she read it back to me, even though I expected it, my stomach still contracted upon hearing someone else say it to me, especially when i'd subconsciously altered it:

"Three hungry beasts, three hungry beasts,
See how we feed, see how we feed,
We always capture our prey, someday,
Be it today, April or far away.
Just when you think you are safe and free,
We strike, we tear, we feed, like three hungry beasts."

We talked for a little about what it all meant and i filled her in on certain details before asking her if we can go back and see what happened the following morning. She was reluctant, given my last reaction, but she relented and put me under again.

The morning came round and I wake up around 7:30, I get myself up and get dressed, my mother tells me from the kitchen to have a wash and brush my teeth before breakfast. I head to the bathroom and start humming a tune to myself…a very odd tune.

I was humming along to "Three Blind Mice." The longer I hummed it, the more distorted it sounded, like other voices were joining in. But that wasn't even the strangest part, my 8 year old self didn't seem to even react to the inclusion of other voices. I just carries on washing my face, it's only when 

I look up to the mirror I can see why.

My 8 year old self waves at something out of view of the mirror…I actually ask them if "We've been here before" and it begins to laugh. I giggle and brush my teeth, actually singing the fucked up version of "Three Blind Mice" left by those things.

I head downstairs when i'm done and proceed to eat my breakfast, nothing particularly out of the ordinary occurs for the rest of that day. But the fact my younger self was casually waving at something out of view of the mirror, singing the same song with the same lyrics and actually asking them if "We've been here before" is more disturbing than anything. My mother was the only other person in the house as my Father worked from 5am till the evening and she was downstairs.

Whatever was laughing and humming with my younger self, it was not my Mother.

I still have two more sessions to document, but while i'm going further down the rabbit hole, there just seems to be a hundred other tunnels veering off from it the deeper I go.

There's one thing that i've kept omitted from previous posts, however.

Lately, I've found myself humming that song again when i'm beginning to fall asleep.