The beginning

authors note: sometimes i switch POV, but don't worry i'll tell you when

 

 

Christina, or better known as Chris, was sitting in the back sit of the bus. She has black hair with lots of blond lowlights. She wears a black t-shirt that says 'bite me' and wearing black cargo pants with black and pink converse shoes.

Now she just got off the bus and is going to her locker, but she is stopped by the biggest tramp of the school, Trish Blackmale. and her last name goes great with her personality, since she's at least blackmailed every male into dating her friends.

*now this is in Chris 's pov!*

"Hiya Chrissy!" she said in that 'sweet' voice of hers.(actually there is nothin sweet about her)

"hi." I say stiffly.

"whats wrong?" she asked

"nothin, just gonna be late if u don't move ur sorry butt" i said.

"fine, whatever," she saids, then i hear her yell," oh!  hey Eric darling!!"

she's been after Eric forever, its ridiculous really( and Eric isn't popular, but he's the only guy she hasn't dated yet)

I watch as Eric ignores her and walks over to me and says," Hello CC."

All my close friends have started to call me CC since my middle name starts with a C

"Hey Eric darling" i say mocking the goofy way Trish says his name.

" haha" he said sarcastically.

 

" you know i'm just jokin." i said laughin

 

Eric is wearing a dark blue silk button down top with his sleeves rolled up to his elbow. with dark jeans. and also he wears black converse.

 

" nice outfit" I say

" thanks, same to you" he replies.

 

" we are goin 2 be late to first period, come on!" I say while grabbing my backpack and his elbow.

 

" OK ok. " he says while laughin. he can tell that i've had too much caffine for being so early in the morning.

*after school day*(and i'll be skipping school days alot. sorry)

school had just been let out. and Eric and I are on the curb right in front of the school.

" whatcha wanna do?" eric asks

"Well i gotta get home" i say. my dad would kill me if i was late again.

"ok" he sounds dissapointed.

I run home and i can smell the alcohol.   (btw! when text is Bold,italic and underlined , its what the person is thinking, the person whos POV i'm in kk?)

Oh great 

" I'm home!" I yell up the stairs. and here is some history on me: No one knows, not even Eric, what happens at my house... i wish eric knew tho, but i can't risk it.....

" Come here you useless piece of crap!" I hear HIM yell .

I run up the stairs and then i feel and hear the slap I had just recieved...

" you stupid lazy piece of s***!" he said

" I-I'm sor-" i started to say but he cut me off.

" I can't believe this! i had gotten a letter saying ur grades aren't all A's! you know what happens if you don't have good grades..

 

" But they are still good!" i replied shakily.

" Not to me they aren't" he said then he .....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Song of Mercy]

The story is interesting and grows more so when we meet the antagonist. I would work on environmental description to offset what now feels like over description of characters. Also, if it were my writing I would drop a few of the I say and He say...some of these are obvious and may not be necessary as they take away from the focus of the story.

Do I like it? Very much and yes I think you are off to a great start. Let me add, I have some education in writing but not enough for my suggestions to stand alone. I encourage you to have several people read and keep on going with it. Some serious potential here. I will read chapter 2 tomorrow night. Great job! Thanks for sharing. Barb

[Gheeneil]

It is a good story. To avoid confusion among readers though, you might want to tell the story in a third person narrative mode. The narrator and author don't really have to be same person. Consistency (in narration), I think, would make this even more wonderful. It isn't bad for a start. Keep writing.

[BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE]

This was extremely raw and interesting to read it had an edge to it and kept me captivated from the first sentence to the last, there is so much abuse around these days and because it appears behind closed doors doesn't mean it aint there you have hi-lighted it here if only briefly in the first chapter, then there are the girls who surrender themselves so cheaply and think they are the ones who are scoring but in reality they just get themselves up the duff and pay for the consequences of their immaturity well done an excellent read, am looking forward to reading more of your reviews i think you live in the americas right not france silly me ROSEN

[Nix]

Oooh, not a good place for her by the sounds of it. I enjoyed this a lot, good story so far. ;) ~ Nix