prom

there’s cake on my face

my lips are how you like your coffee  

his hands are where you like them

your grins spite me

God and his peers of perished souls jeer and giggle

the pawn and the jester am I

my heels crunch the kernels beneath my calloused feet

chasing for far too long

with no barriers between  

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I believe, the world moved too fast. If someone see you as less. Run away from them. Your words hard and direct. Powerful words and thoughts shared.
Coyote

[Mary]

Your powerful poem brings back many memories! Times haven't really changed all that much, eh? As for your writing style, you have some serious talent! Great imagery and powerful word choice Bravo!

[Nolo Segundo]

To be honest, I read this becasue I saw you're from Philly--my birthplace-- but wow, kid, you got talent! Very strong imagery--I especially liked 'God and his peers of perished souls....' As I didn't get serious about writing poetry until my mid-60's [gulp!], I could envy you your youth, except I sharpy recall how being a teenager sucks--neither child nor adult [that's why I loved going away to college: I had the freedom of an adult without the responsibility.] If this old man can make a suggestion, read as much lit --both prose and poetry- as you can, but in print,i.e., books-- not the computer screen--it's be better for both your eyes and your soul.

[Nearly Blonded]

thank you that means a lot! i appreciate your empathy about growing pains as well. and yes i'll certainly try to print at some point!

[R.E. Ray]

I read a raw, refreshing self awareness in this piece. Yes, dark but a strength that shouts, "I'll rise above this and you!" In a few short lines, you've succeeded where more experienced, long winded writers have failed. Good write!

[Nearly Blonded]

i really appreciate that! i deal with a lot of insecurity when it comes to my writing but comments like these are definitely reassuring! thanks :)

[roarke]

You've captured a vast juxtaposition here between your title Prom and the prose. For me this starts in the embodiment of the moment at a prom? Then there's the physical/emotional impressions, fleeting. And then you unleash the cerebral Kracken. Whoosh. Most certainly "no barriers between" Powerful stuff here.

[Nearly Blonded]

ooh "cerebral kracken" haha i like that a lot. thanks for commenting :)

[barleygirl]

I love an attention-grabbing first line & you did it here. We instantly know this is not going to be a warm & fuzzy prom memory. People I know hated all the prom BS & I've never read a poem about a great prom memory. However, your prom poem is unique in its dark read becuz you use great details where just a glimpse conveys a ton (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Nearly Blonded]

yeah my first prom was definitely not a super fun night as i expected it to be. but negative emotions can for sure lead to art. in my case, poetry. thanks for the kind words!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

prom should be a lasting memory of a great night...but sometimes this is not the case...mine was a disaster...
the first three lines of this are really good...especially line two...
the third leaves mystery as to who the his might be...sometimes we just can't get what we want...
and the barriers are not crossed---unless we take certain risks.
you write very interesting poetry...
j.

[Nearly Blonded]

thank you sm! i'll probably delve into the story of the "whos" more in another poem :)