Release

be still grey waters of this lake
that shimmer silver in pale sun
your surface is of mirror glass
your silence speaks of damage done
the light upon your watery skin
spreads wide its sheen a fulsome bright
but hides beneath a sorrow held
as sad as stars snuffed out at night
that ache will lessen sure to know
as river flows downstream to sea
reflection plays a dirgeful tune
a cello mourns its strings in D
a blackbird in a near bush sings
for all caged birds who find their wings

Reviews

[Lisasview]

Love this one Chris...it gave me chills...
Feels different than most I have read of yours...
I really love these lines...they are so special..
"reflection plays a dirgeful tune
a cello mourns its strings in D
a blackbird in a near bush sings
for all caged birds who find their wings"
Reading back my eyes keep going to the cello hours its strings in D.
For some reason that pings in my heart.
This is really a fabulous poem dear Chris.
Lisa, trying to finish up my new poem

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Lisa, thank you so much my friend for this warm review. Know you are appreciated. I hope you had a great Valentine’s Day and I am looking forward to your latest poem We have blue sky today. So very welcome to see the sun. Busy with paper work and lots of it!

[Lisasview]

Good morning Chris,
Yes, that is my life too... so much to do... Nearly finished with two poems so I hope to have time to work on them this weekend.
Nice day here also but really cold.
Lisa

[Chris Shaw]

………….…..🌺

[Lisasview]

Wonderful at the end of my day.........

[andrew mitchell]

This is so like the Lady of the Lake, she sees the damage men do. A mythical write for me.

[Chris Shaw]

Really nice thoughts. Lady of the Lake. Has a medieval ring to it. Many thanks for stopping by Andrew. You are appreciated.

[Iliaad Manaii]

Hi, I'm new but I'm looking through different poems and I really like the flow of this one. It's hard to find poetry that has rhythm and doesn't lose the sensetivity. I love the melancholic description and, idk if this was intentional but it felt like you sneaked in some lines that explain the existence of the melancholic tone. Like, in the following line "your silence speaks of damage done", to me it felt like the narrator is the one who messed up and is sad for the other person's disappointment in him. Very well done!

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much for calling on my work and sharing your thoughts. Welcome to writerscafe. I hope you will be happy here.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This one is poignant with a tinge of sad reflection, on what, we do not know. Perhaps the lake is mourning a drowning victim like the Bay of Lerici might well do. Or maybe it's for human pollution that has congested its arteries. Perhaps the lake has been dammed to stop its travels. But the yearning for sweet release is certainly palpable within the verse. I enjoyed the read.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Fabian for sharing your thoughts. I greatly appreciate your visit. Have a good week.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I love the journey in this poem. There is sadness, with glimmers of hope and promise, with redemptive freedom at the end. This, for me, is the journey of the soul. Well done.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Linda fir your encouraging review. Pleased you enjoyed your visit. All the best.

Chris

[D. Mansfield]

Another great poem Chris "as sad as stars snuffed out at night" good stuff

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you DM for your kind words and visit. Have a good Sunday.

Chris

[Ken e Bujold]

no caged bird here, marvelous song my friend.

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks Ken. I appreciate you stopping by. Have a good weekend.

[Ken e Bujold]

thanks, you too chris

[Archishman Rick]

What can I say, just as previous poems of yours I have read, the imagery you you used is magnificent indeed. Personally, I'm picturing this scene during the late afternoon, as that is how I'm relating to the backdrop. The instrument is playing somberly, played by someone who is the personification of the given mood, accompanied by the blackbird who chips in with its voice of life and freedom. All the feelings, emotions, thoughts, from nature they come, to nature they go. Even in silence and uneventfulnress it can represent so much. Nicely composed lines.

Arch

[Chris Shaw]

Your kind review is very much appreciated Arch. Pleased you liked the scenery that I described.
read moreYour kind review is very much appreciated Arch. Pleased you liked the scenery that I described.
It certainly was a beautiful scene even though the mood was low. Thank you.

[red93]

Ooh some lovely references and resonances with this Piece Chris - I even detect the Late Great Maya Angelou in the mix. A very strong start to Friday's activity on The Cafe - Excellent ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks Tony. That reference to the late great can only refer to the caged bird line. What a wonderful poet she was. I always appreciate your time. Have a Good Friday.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Your poem is quite rhythmic with its iambic tetrameter beat throughout. I am reminded by something James Longenbach wrote-who is quite difficult for me to read and grasp all he means-but I now see what he was saying which was that the poet establishes the rhythm early on and then can break that rhythm to add tension (I think he means emphasis here( to a line.
It struck me that the first two lines could be rhythmed as di Dum di Dum di di di Dum, and although not perfect iambs is still a reliable rhythm. ( the di di Dum would be changing to/ of the lake/in the sun)
None of this is important but I found it interesting that what you wrote helped me understand something really not related to perfect meter. So thanks.

And what now follows is simply for discussion sake, not criticism at all. But now that you have a steady rhythm created with your iambic tetrameter, you could break it and add tension and emphasis to one particular line like this:

hiding beneath a sorrow held

But changing "but hides" to "hiding" you change to a trochee to start the line, momentarily stopping the iambs, and thus making the reader perk up and notice soemthing is different about this line.
Anyway, I think it is interesting.
Thanks.

Winston

[Chris Shaw]

Winston I have to say I feel honored by the attention you have given this short poem. I rarely look to form when I write. I just write and listen, so a huge thank you for your thorough review. Your time is greatly appreciated.