Rain

Oh Rain Oh Rain, when will we meet again

As the drops of rain fall down on my window

As the little dots of cloudburst come trickling down on the glass

I can sleep peacefully. The drops of rain is a treaty to keeps bane from going insane

Oh my God, now I may never get a nap. Is raining cats and dogs , dogs and cats.

It's smooth drizzle is washing away my problems. The stronger the rain, the stronger the freedom.

Feels like a sprinkler of alcohol being poured on open cut. My heart is open cup flooded 

                                but

Rain represents two sides.

Rain represents two sides.

                                                                                  the bad, the ugly

                                                                                  the good, the beautiful

Clouds can represent

 a town or a town full of crowns 

   Drizzle can represent

    a simmer down situation or a stressful occupation

      Lighting can represent  

        a dark place that's near or a certain spark that's here

          Water can represent

            a taste of a purity win or a sense of a obscurity sin

 

Oh Rain Oh Rain , nice to meet you again 

Author's Note

"Oh Rain Oh Rain, when will we meet again"
- pronounce "again" as a-Gain

Reviews

[Kristin Lee]

Very unique. The rhythm is very broken - but the rain doesn't have a steady rhythm and you talk about the rain changing pace so it works. I like how you talk about the rain having two sides and then from that point everything has two meanings. The display is cool, like a cup running over. Over all, very unique. Good job.

[BuffyWillowDawnAngelGil..]

that's cool I love how you write about both sides of everything. Often poets choose one side, happy or sad, to write from but you just wrote about both and didn't give your opinion to either one. Feel proud and stuff.

[Mike Emil]

you have the talent to enter kohlrabi theater when the time comes
HAI!!!

[Kianna]

Dear CRZ,

As it is presented here, addressing the rain as if it were your friend gives significance to your first and last line. I was trying to find out how they fit in the poem and I see now.

Could have used stronger diction here as well in the first stanza to indicate the familiarity and make a better flow. Perhaps the rain drops could knock at his window and it be as familiar as a friend come to visit.

I don't really understand this line very much, "I can sleep peacefully. The drops of rain is a treaty to keeps bane from going insane." Consider revising it.

Could ave used some imagery here, "Is raining cats and dogs , dogs and cats." For example, I was expecting something like, "I may never get a nap. [should be "it's"] raining cats and dogs and they are scratching at my window."

Wait, never mind now that I read that over, it kind of counteracts the next few lines where you say it's smooth and relaxing. Is that meant to be in accordance with the notion that rain represents two sides. Yeah, in stanzas one through three, the ideas keep flip flopping. One minute you enjoy the rain's peacefulness, the next, it's preventing you from napping. Perhaps you can say the rain is soothing, but mesmerizing. I don't know, but I believe you should replace this line, "Oh my God, now I may never get a nap. Is raining cats and dogs , dogs and cats," as it is confusing.

One last thing, change "a sense of a obscurity sin" to "a sense of an obscure sin."

The diction and strengthened as I read further, however, and I must say I found the idea pretty original. There is a dark side to every element. There is a tsunami to water; tornado to wind; earthquake to earth; destruction to fire. I liked how you took parts of a storm and revealed its ying and yang here. I found that very cool.

Nice read and thanks for sharing!

Sincerely JazzSoulKeke,

God bless

[KAOlmsted]

Nice...but don't prompt me to pronounce stuff *laugh* I figured it was a rhyming piece ;-) I'm going to go ahead and say I liked this piece, but, honestly, i got thrown off a bit by the grammar...sorry...that's a kimmer thing ;-) The first line of the second stanza made me feel like you are trying to sound like some hard rapper or whatever (again, sorry, I am a middle aged white woman *laugh* but I calls 'em how I sees 'em) and the "It's" for "Its", in the third stanza, makes me cringe ;-) As well as the un-written words. Over all, though...great work. Except...no reference to thunder? That is just balls out wrong, dude *laugh* Seriously, though. Nice job, Jason.

-kimmer

[Schyala]

I love the structure and forum and I love how its so involved with rain, amazing job! :)

[Debbie_Philly]

This is so very beautiful... and great for me tonight since it is raining..;) Loved the imagery !! Well done !!

[Rebecca Buller]

I always love pieces about the rain, so you're certainly welcome to write more. Nice job:)

[DCT ponderings]

Oh rain oh rain how you wash away everything. There is nothing quite like it from the warm summer torrents soaking you bone deep to the symphony beating on the roof it's tunes pitter-patter. Then the sheets that crawl across the lake like a bulldozer. I like the unique broken cadence with which you wrote this piece.

[Rob Funk]

Outstanding, it is funny to me just how rain can keep me awake or aid in my sleep.

[rhythm&blues]

I'd have to agree with everyone else's assessment here, it's very unique and nicely penned piece of poetry.