The Empty To-Do List

Based on the 300 word prompt book. Question One: What is your favorite way to spend a lazy day? I ponder my struggles with workaholism, a compulsion to work and accomplish things.

Looking down at my agenda,

I discover

It is empty

Like the bags of potato chips

I have long ago eaten

Because the to-do list was

Empty. Vacant. Deserted.

 

Minimized down to a

Harsh definition of

Myself:

Someone whose value

Is equal to the amount of

Things he accomplishes.

 

But when there is

Nothing

To Accomplish,

Then I, too, become

Intrinsically worthless:

Not worth the breath

That flows in and out

Of my lungs that are heavy

From the burden

Of expectations and demands

Placed on my back by

Me.

 

I can be my own worst enemy.

Never given permission

To rest and enjoy some peace

Because that is another

Wasted moment.

Another accusation

From failed dreams.

 

You’re lazy. Insincere.

A worthless animal

Who is unable to cherish

Life.

“That’s a sad thing…

To be nothing.”

Dejecting really.

Telling myself

Repeatedly

I’ve fallen short.

I’m not good enough.

I’m a disease

Slowly infecting

One

Person at

A time until it

Spreads throughout the entire community.

 

They don’t love you.

They don’t want you.

They don’t care if you

Disappeared into the abyss

Never to be heard from again.

And no matter how often

I recognize these lies

I spoon feed my soul

Between every breath

I struggle to take,

I continue to swallow

Down the agony

Because I don’t want to be

A burden.

 

So, I sit

And think.

Drowning my depression,

So I don’t have to

Acknowledge it.

But I can still hear the whispers

Who scream truthful lies into my soul.

Crippling it.

Paralyzing it.

Demoralizing it.

 

I’m worthless.

Work.

I’m hideous.

Eat.

I’m unlovable.

Lust.

 

Which drug will it be

On this day that I have

Nothing to do?

No chemicals rush through,

But I could use a

Dopamine hit,

So I can escape

From my mind.

I’ll create some fake work,

And hopefully can find

Some self-worth

Once again.

Photo by Rafay Ansari on Unsplash

Author's Note

Feel free to review! I love getting feedback and criticism. I would love to hear your thoughts. What stands out to you? What would you change/edit?

Reviews

[Nix is typing...]

This was...insanely beautiful!!! I really clung to every word in this poem!!! You really helped the reader feel the depression in the hauntingly beautiful poem!!!
"I’m worthless.
Work.
I’m hideous.
Eat.
I’m unlovable.
Lust."
There are so many words for this but they don't exist in my vocabulary (or maybe they do, but they're buried deep somewhere in an abandoned file cabinet somewhere deep inside my mind.) I do want to say that this was...AMAZING!! I really felt the pain...Thank you for sharing, my new friend!!!

Kindly, Nix ❤️️

[Ziggy Matthews]

Thank you so much for your kind words! I appreciate your review so much. I struggled with posting this one since it is so personal. Your words encouraged me. Thank you!

[Nix is typing...]

You're so very welcome, I thoroughly enjoyed the read!!! I post a lot of down-ish stuff too, check out my poem "Viewer Discretion is Advised" on my profile if you wanna see what I'm talking about. Thank you for posting such amazing work!!!

[Ziggy Matthews]

Will do! I've read a few of your poems already. You are extremely talented. I'm creating a book outline real quick. No better time to write a book then during quarantine. Right? XD

[Nix is typing...]

Lol, thank you kindly :) I completely agree!!! I wrote a little novella during the middle of quarantine and that's how I found the cafe when I looked up, "Where can I post my short stories" writer's cafe is one of the unblocked options on my computer, sooooo I posted my mini-book as the first thing on here...then I realized that the cafe consisted of mostly poems and short stories...so that's when I got into the whole poem writing thing :) Good luck with your book! I'm sure it's gonna turn out great!!

[Adrian X Fuentess]

"...find some self-worth once again."

Another powerful sentence. The perfect sentence to finish the poem.

[Poetic Beauty]

This world is so fast paced these days especially in the USA. We think overworking ourselves is a glorious thing but in reality we aren’t truly living.

Sometimes we need to decompress and take time to breathe meditation write do yoga and so on. We need to learn to be quiet for a few moments to let the body and mind calm and relax in order to be more productive.

Unfortunately we feel like slugs if we don’t do anything “productive”

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the honest words and honest thoughts. When we fall into a trap of hopelessness and dullness. Hard to see the daylight of hope. Thank you Ziggy for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Ziggy Matthews]

Thank you so much for your review, Coyote!!! It means so much to me!

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed your work and I will return in the morning to read more. I work the nightshift as a Pharmacy manager. You are welcome Ziggy.

[Nomo]

This speaks in so many words, showing the pain and the depression. This has brought back so much, and yet you capture every feeling so wonderfully and carefully.

[Ziggy Matthews]

Thank you so much for your kind words! This was a difficult piece to right. I'm glad you were able to relate to it in some ways. Thank you!!!