One: New Beginnings

There comes a time in everybody’s life when they must step out of the safety of the darkness and into the bright, judgemental spotlight.

 

A time when we must rise above ourselves, when we must break through the boundaries that we have built.

 

We must find the strength to discover our beliefs and stand up for them.

 

There comes a time when we must not hope to be a better person, but to become the person we want to be.

 

Most people believe that we cannot change who we are. That for some reason we have no control over who we are going to be in the future.

 

I am not naïve enough to believe that changing who you are is easy but what if you do not like how you acted in the past? What if you are given the chance to change?

 

Surely you should put all of your efforts into changing from the person you were, into the person you want to be?

 

Put all your efforts into not dreaming of your goals but achieving them?

 

Put all your efforts into the future and moving on from the past...

 

 

I walked over the threshold, both symbolic and literal. The literal threshold was the doorway of my new house. The symbolic was more of a decision, I had decided that this second chance I had been given would not go to waste, I would move on from the past and into the future. I would forget what had happened to me and start afresh. I followed my aunt into a small hallway. I pulled my suitcase behind me as I surveyed the house, my aunt smiled timidly. The house was untidy but not unclean, there were obvious signs that a young child lived here- toys scattered around the living room and faint crayons marks on the wallpaper where it seemed someone had tried to remove the meaningless scribbles. My aunt motioned for me to follow her upstairs. We walked up two flights in silence; apparently I would be sleeping in the loft.

                She held the door open for me and I stepped into the room. It was a bright yellow, the initial effect was quite overwhelming but once my eyes adjusted, the colour was likeable. The room was large but oddly shaped, however a small double bed fit snugly and securely in one of the many alcoves. Next to the bed a small bedside table paraded a white, simple lamp. My aunt tucked a stray piece of her long, light brown hair behind her ear. Her hair was the opposite of mine, I had dull, straight, dark brown hair, that hung limply just past my shoulders. Her hair was not-quite curly and the overall impression looked wild and uncontrollable. Her cuddly appearance clashed with the petite frame that I inherited from my mother.

                I looked up at her for the first time since she picked me up and the love, affection and mostly sympathy in her forest green eyes was apparent. I wasn’t used to being looked at like that and it made me feel uncomfortable. The emotion in her eyes made it seem like she was looking into my soul in search of the feelings that were missing from my empty eyes. I felt the tears starting to swell and I gritted my teeth to keep them locked away. I think my aunt noticed the emotion bubbling inside of me because she walked towards me and hugged me tightly. I let my hands hang by my sides, but I leant my head on her shoulders. I breathed in her homey scent, she didn’t smell like my mum -she used to smell of too-sweet perfume and tobacco. My aunt she smelled like…like a mum.

                She spoke slowly, emphasising each word as if she had chosen them beforehand. “You will always have a home here. I know you’ve experienced a lot more heartbreak then most of your age, but you’re strong. You’re much stronger than you realise. If you need anything please don’t think twice about asking.” She waited until I looked at her before she continued, “I have to go pick up the kids from school. Do you want to come?” She smiled slightly but I shook my head, “Are you sure?” I nodded in response, not trusting my voice; she kissed my forehead and left me alone. Just like my mum had.

                When she came back, the arrival wasn’t symbolised by a doorbell or a knock on the door. My aunt and two little cousins’ arrival was symbolised by a massive screaming session. The argument continued when they opened the door.

“But muuuuuuuum…”I heard a noise that could only be described as whining from downstairs.

“I said no, David”

“But pleaseee…”

The shouting was so loud that I didn’t even hear the footsteps climbing up the stairs towards me. A little knock brought my attention back into the room.

                I was lying on my bed with a book in my hand when I said, “Come in”. A teenage girl walked into my room. It took me a while to realise it was Alice- the last time I’d seen her she was nine years old, had blonde ringlets hanging to her shoulders and was wearing a sunflower dress. I looked at this girl standing in front of me and I hardly recognised her. She was slightly taller than me had a red tinge to her near black hair and was wearing a white shirt hanging out of a black, pleated skirt and what looked like high heels.

“Hey,” she said sitting on the bed at my feet, and bouncing the bed slightly as she did.

“You grew up! I swear you’re about twelve?” I accused jokingly looking purposely at her skirt then her shoes.

“I’m fifteen, I’m in the same year as you…remember? You just dress like you’re twelve.” She grinned then hugged me, I hugged her back and was shocked to realise that she smelt more like my mum then hers. I pulled myself away from her.

“Alice does your mum know that you smoke?” She looked at me her face blank with shock.

“I do not.” She replied stubbornly.

“Alice you stink of smoke. Don’t lie to me.” She looked away from me but the guilt was plain on her face.

“I only tried it a few times.” She said defensively.

“Don’t you know what cigarettes do to people? People die from smoking, Alice”

“The last time you saw me I was nine. Then for six years- nothing. We’re cousins and we were practically sisters, you ignore me for almost half of my life and now you have the cheek to judge me. Who do you think you are?” During this little rant she had stood up and was now glaring at me waiting for my response.

“Are you finished?” I said hardly even trying to sound angry, “I’m just saying that you’ve changed is all.” Her temper went just as suddenly as it flared, she sat back down on the bed.

“So are you gonna go to my school?” She asked looking excited, which shocked me.

“Uh-huh starting tomorrow.” I smiled back at her. I tried to make it look convincing but I wasn’t exactly looking forward to school. I never really went to a school regularly. She chatted away until we were called for dinner, but the conversation didn’t need a lot of work on my part.

                I followed Alice downstairs and we sat at the dining table that was positioned at the side of the front room. Across from me sat David, he was a lot bigger than I remembered (probably due to the fact that the last time I had seen him, it was in a picture and he was a new born). He was now a very boisterous and yet still very sweet six year old. My uncle sat on my left and my aunt occupied the seat opposite him. My uncle, Carl, was tall and thin and had light blonde hair, he was a quite man, who seemed to be extremely involved in his work. His hair was dark enough so that his eyebrows were visible, but light enough that it wasn’t obvious that his hairline was receding. Alice was sitting on my other side.

                The dinners here were alien to me, everybody sat together and chatted to each other. They happily joked and poked fun at each other. They smiled, while David pushed his mashed potato into a mountain and stuck his sausages on top. Alice laughed so hard that she snorted, which made them all laugh harder.

                That night the darkness seemed too loud. Lying in my bed I felt like I was being watched, judged, the only background noise was the storm attacking the outside of the house. I’d never been afraid of the dark, or storms, but tonight the storm seemed to be trying to get in. When it couldn’t capture the room behind the window, it seemed to get angrier- like an animals’ leash being tightened as it tried desperately to get more freedom.

                The only way I could block out the storm was to enter the storm inside my head, the storm outside was a lot less confusing and suddenly seemed a whole lot more inviting. It took me a long time to fall asleep and even after pulling the quilt over my head my internal storm continued to rage loudly.

Reviews

[Daydreamer54]

I guess it's a good start. I would have liked the dinner to be elaborated and to see wat david is like. I wonder what she went through...is her motjher dead? i guess I'l have to keep reading to find out. :)