too near rhyme

too near rhyme

 

 

 

okay okay okay

I'll rhyme already.....

 

twisted sister lives deep in the mountain

silence flows from her like water from a fountain

 

but in shallow spurts

of hurt

I insert

 

that

 

borrowed family keep me alive

away from the chaos I will strive

to drive

no jive

I am a bee running from the hive

 

 

so there....rhyme

is it too cute

or is it a beaut-

of a poem

 

constricted to form

I choke on the norm

I have to be free to roam

 

Oh wow, slant rhyme

didn't think I had it in me.

 

Let's dance with the words

let's let them sing their own precious song

their own random way

 

it's still poetry

ain't it?

 

 

erin-cilberto

12/8/21

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

borrowed family keep me alive

Family is whoever you want it to be. They don't have to be blood relatives.

Likewise poetry, take your pick. Rhyme, slant rhyme, free verse, whatever grabs you. Variety is there, choose what suits.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Chris,
j.

[K writes]

All poetry doesn't have to have a rhyme, but this is wonderful
I really enjoyed your words. Nicely written

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, K.
j.

[SM Davis]

Yes indeed it is … of highest proportions! :). 100 daisies! When one of your caliber writes in rhyme, it’s something to behold. I like the rebelliousness of it all.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

You are very kind, SM...thank you.
j.

[Dave Brown]

for whatever reason I don't feel comfortable with free verse
every time I try it I am pulled back into rhyming
Some here produce absolutely excellent results using free verse but I will never be one of them

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Dave....we all have our niche...and we stick with what works for us.
j.

[Relic]

I like the humor in this. Words are thoughts, and when put together well it's still poetry or prose. Take your pick. Liked this one, J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Relic,
j.

[shadrach hah]

Hi Jacob, I have always thought that free verse is one of the better forms, for you have more scope in which to put down your ideas. It is definitely poetry, Jacob. Sometimes too much emphasis can be put onto rhymes and sometimes they have to be forced. Really liked the concept of your write, my friend. Have a wonderful Saturday....Mike.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Mike,
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

Lovely to be your borrowed family… we do Dance with your words… truly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Pat,
j.

[John the Baptist]

One good thing about free verse is that lack of restriction that gives you the latitude to say what you want to say without having to search (sometimes fruitlessly) for similar sounds. The main reason I use rhyme is that the mental exercise keeps me from lapsing into senility.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

that is a good reason to use rhyme, John.
definitely,
j.

[William Michael Reeves]

But I jus' gotta loosely quote Robert Frost. "Poetry without rhyme is like tennis without a net"

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ugh, Frost...not my cup of tea.

[William Michael Reeves]

Just dropping acid into those holes in your head.

[William Michael Reeves]

Sometimes I'm downright embarrassed about my rhyme. The need to do it. Can't help it sometimes. So much harder for some reason not to. But I want to. Not rhyme. That's why this got me. Wondering if Twisted Sister was your musical mention in this? If I read every poem you've written, will I find a musical reference? I think there has, but I'll be watching...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

reference is to a real sister. and there are lots of good rhyming poems....
sometimes I do feel form gets in the way....but that is just this poet...the majority love it.
I am the minority.
j.