Duel

 

Duel

 

 

 

you approach me

with your vendetta eyes

looming distantly,

as if some indiscretion of mine

was cause

 

you say nothing

just wave a dark grimace

in my direction

as if some indiscretion of mine

was cause

 

you empty your gun of its emotion

bullets riddling my heart with confusion

a profusion

of animosity in my direction

as if some indiscretion of mine

was cause

 

alarmed by the fire in your vendetta eyes

I shoot tears in your direction to douse

to rouse the animosity

from its cause

all I did was love you

 

but now I lay dead

incompetent to love again

too unnerved to respond

a corpse

of course

of cause

 

of some indiscretion of mine

that caused your reproach

as you approached

reached into your arsenal of bitter

 

and my only weapon of defense

a repeating rifle filled with words

that just deflected 

off your love proof vest

just because.

 

 

erin-cilberto

6/20/22

Reviews

[Cherrie Palmer]

What a fast paced showdown. With one heart of stone and one doa.
Excellent pacing and imagery.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Cherrie,
j.

[John the Baptist]

Well, ain't love grand? When the ladies really get pissed, nothing you say is going to be right. I can almost see the scene, hear the outraged accusations. Been there. Done that.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, John....can't win for losing, eh?

[Patricia Wedel]

Wow... James Bond was never this Good... with your Arsenal of
compromising moves ... there was never a romantic intent that got
so far with Words. Amazing ... gently, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Pat,
j.

[JayceeC]

There's always one last shootout even when we don't know why we're fighting for our lives and love. Staccato bullet words can do as much damage as a hollow point from a .45.
The focus on the eyes... Brilliant. It's one of the most important parts in body language, but so very difficult to remote verbally.
I

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Jaycee,
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

well done sir! sharp poignant and relevant ... the perspective hits the mark for me ... whether a deranged mind and soul from a hateful terrorism or one of too many mental/emotional/social disorders ... the senselessness is lost in translation .. i feel stunned .. putting myself in the shoes of just one of those innocent and so young recent victims ... :(
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your understanding review, E.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

i see most have seen this as a love tragedy .. so read it again with that at the forefront of me nog ... it's all good no matter says i! not a woman i would want to mess with ;)

[Throwing Romeo]

Perry repost lunge!
Oh...wait...
Your words sir
are mightier.

Thud...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Romeo.
j.

[Robert Haigh]

I don't think you need to worry about the whereabouts of your muse, Jacob, on the evidence of this inspired piece! Magical metaphors abound, and the emotions are palpable! Sometimes the price of love can be too great! A wonderful poem!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Robert,
j.

[Lisasview]

Goosebumps dear Jacob... I am covered with them..
Such a wonderful ~ amazing poem..
So clever the use of gun and rifle..
of vendetta eyes..of shooting tears...and oh so much more..always adore the use of your metaphors..
I just loved it..
Still have many goosebumps..
Lisa, evening in Spain

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind words, Lisa,
j.

[Lisasview]

You are most welcome,
Quite early here in Spain

[W. Barrett Munn]

Metaphor and repetitions really make this interesting to read. Do you think the intensity could be ratcheted up a notch by more specific words, like using words like “hate” instead of “emotion”?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

she has become emotionless...but I do understand your suggestion and appreciate it.
j.

[Temperance]

Great metaphor use here Mr. J. I feel the pain expressed and the hatred coming from the armed gun-woman. So sad when two people can't come to terms through discussion. it doesn't have to be hateful as you've expressed in this poem. You always do such a great job in getting your message across and....a corpse of course of cause....wonderful how you use words. Thank you for sharing. Temp

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, Temperance.
j.