Short

Short

evidently the sun took the day off

clouds burst

in a dark room

as love, a burned out bulb

sat waiting

for the next dawn

to clear out the tears

inside the filament

of his heart.

erin-cilberto

5/14/2024

Reviews

[Soren]

Short is the poem. A burned out bulb by definition has a short in it's filament which is right at its heart. The metaphor is so nicely used in this poem of pain and loss. Although the external energy is there it can not be used. Hopefully the hope expressed in the next dawn will come and the bulb will be changed.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Soren,
j.

[Pete]

apparently a green, energy saving bulb. they are known to not give out quite as much light as traditional incandescent bulbs. look at the bright side - he's saving energy at the price of love. great metaphor you screwed in.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ha ha, thanks, Pete...I appreciate the smile.
j.

[An owl on the moon]

You paint a vivid picture of love's absence through the metaphor of this bulb in a dark room, symbolizing longing and waiting. The imagery of clouds bursting and tears clearing with the next dawn evokes a sense of hope and renewal amid emotional darkness. May dawn always rise so powerfully.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I really appreciate your kind review, Owl on the Moon.
j.

[Kate AKS]

"the sun took the day off"

This line could be used as the title of some post-apocalyptic book if you want to write one some day.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

If only I had the attention span to write any book...tried four times...my gnat attention span wouldn't let me.
Thank you, Kate,
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

hmm ... couldn't get the shot eh!? ;) very emotive! so sad .. leaves me feeling helpless in a place that is ok to be broken .. brilliant poem says i ... still feeling it ..
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, E.
j.

[Marie]

Wow! Your finely penned poem is a very emotive metaphoric gem, Jacob. So poetically expressed, I feel the poet's feelings and the weather are 'in tune' with each other. I like the layout of the poem very much. Love the imagery too! Not many poets use anthropomorphism, but you have executed a fantastic poem through its use. So enjoyed reading! Thank you for sharing, Jacob...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your very kind review, Marie,
j.

[Marie]

Most welcome, Jacob...

[poetgurl]

I felt this as an emotional read. Very nicely presented.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, poetgurl,
j.

[DIVYA]

That sad, lovelorn bulb that couldn't do what was required of it. Too clogged with tears. It's so dark in the room and so lonely. I wonder if even dawn would bring light. This was so sad to read.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Divya....you are always supportive of me and my writing.
j.

[DIVYA]

I'm blessed to be your friend. You're most welcome, dear Jacob.