Reciprocal Redneck

His mummified face which looks nothing like yours,

plastered with a bogey of that boy makeup

which you follow everyday on that popular Instagram page,

made me leap out of my skin.

Who would know this redneck had something called "attraction',

concealed within himself.

Who knows what he likes and how he likes that?

I am sure he stinks like the trash we had thrown yesterday in the dumpster 

while taking a stroll along the Bund.

You had scribbled my name on those lovers' wall....Remember that?

Well, the redneck had nothing to offer me

but cigarettes and bad breath.

He reciprocated what I wanted from this world, basically.

I cannot deny that.

He was a bad a*s.

But my heart thought something else.

It was confused and 

made me indifferent towards this man

standing next to me,

and gently whispered into my ears ,

"Hey, it's a redneck"

..

.

.

Until I suffocated and got down from the bus which had been already painted red.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I've been known to get a little tingle over the most unlikely characters, so I understand & embrace your message. Life is so surprising & satisfying when we let go of the critic & embrace the unseen vibe. Your word picture is harsh but realistic.

Suggestion -- change passive voice in 3 places:
line 8 . . . had thrown --> threw
"You had scribbled" --> delete "had"
last line . . . which had been already painted --> delete "which had been"

[fattycbreezy52]

Thank you so much:)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

very cool write..."if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" (stephen stills)

and here, i can just see it and hear it...with all the repulsive things about this guy...there is some kind of animal attraction the one you are with (who whispers in your ear) could never understand.

delightful read, your poetry really knocks my socks off, fattybreezy


j.

[fattycbreezy52]

Love the compliment. Much thanks:)

[Lyn Anderson]

Hmmm. I have my own thoughts on this one. Clever, and eerie, when I step into a parallel universe.

[fattycbreezy52]

Yes, may be. Thanks for the review:)

[Lyn Anderson]

No problem. Says the woman who was once with someone she no longer recognizes, and a man who would call himself a redneck farmer who is anything but ...:)

[fattycbreezy52]

its's better to reconcile with the past than avoiding it altogether:)

[Lyn Anderson]

yes it is. but it's a b***h when your past picks up your kids once a week. :)

[fattycbreezy52]

Aaaaaw.. be strong honey!