Musings on word usage

Do you know what really annoys me to no end?  The fact that people can't seem to use the right friggin' word when posting.  I refer mostly to homophones, though not always.  I realize everyone has typos and such.  I sure as hell do.  This is something that the same people do over and over.  Why does this bother me so damn much?  Why do forklift horns piss Gary off?  Why is Laura driven insane by sub-par anime?  Why can't we all get along?  I don't know, damnit!  Send not to know for why it pisses me off, it tolls for thee!  Or something.  My English teachers would be so proud.  The following is a little guide to help you out.

   To, too, two

Okay, this isn't really that tough.  "To" is most often used as a preposition.  "Too" always acts as an adverb.  "Two" usually acts as a adjective, though rarely as an noun.  To give an example:

  I am buying two hatchets to dismember those guys we killed.  Want to come too?

  there, their, they're

"There" acts an an adverb, while "their" functions as an adjective or possesive pronoun.  "They're" is a contraction of the words "they" and "are".  An example:

  Over there is my neighbor's house.  In their bedroom are the gags they're using to keep the sound down a bit.

  your, you're

This is a bit simple.  Your is an adjective or possesive pronoun.  "You're" is a contraction of the words "you" and "are".  Example:

  You're doing what with your brain?

  moot,mute

Okay, this frustrates me more than any of the others.  Come on people, these are two totally different words.  They are not even pronounced the same.  "Moot" is most often used as an adjective meaning open to debate or of little or no practical value.  "Mute" is an adjective meaning silent or unable to speak..  Example:

  I guess deciding whether to buy her that microphone is moot, since she is mute.

  The last is just a single word.  It's not one used incorrectly, just not used enough.

  shniggles

"Shniggles" is a bit of a portmanteau word, meaning s***s and giggles.  Example:

  Just for shniggles, we coined the word "masians".

Anyway, hope this little primer will help some to look a little less like morons while posting on the web!