Cutlass

Making this one an interactive poem, which ending do you like best, cast your votes! lol Is it door #1 or #2? ;-)

You plunged your dagger in so deep

   it had cut me to the core

the blood trickled to your feet

   you said you required nothing more

Dagger ceased to be a useful tool

   once it dulled and spread itself so thin

shiny wore off as it sank its tip into a cesspool 

The moral to this tragic beat

as you can probably guess

tis don't s**t where you eat

                     or

The moral to the story

could be simply learned

Slice and dice is so nice

when the onus has been earned

Reviews

[KeeD]

Wow profound, I love how you circled such intense imagery around the phrase don't s**t where you eat. I pictured the dagger, I pictured the cut so deep, blood trickling down feet..the dagger being used to inflict so much hurt till it's nothing but scrapped dirt and then the different perspectives where the dagger could be heartless stabs of a man ego, etc.. there are many ways to perceive this short marvelous piece and that just proves that it's brilliant writing.

[Frieda P]

J'adore....!! I love how your mind works, you always catch where I'm going... ;-)

[KeeD]

for real ? I just sometimes think i'm crazy and perceive the total opposite of what you try to represent through your poems but you're to sweet to tell me other wise haha

[Frieda P]

lol, well, the crazy part is true! I'll let you know when you've gone off the beaten path. ;-)

[KeeD]

Haha :P you're cute.

[Frieda P]

;-)

[Sid]

Wow, nicely done, this little gem can be perceived in various ways and you got me thinking here...great write!!

[Frieda P]

Oh jaysus, I'm mortified after reading your deep profound poetry, you had to pick this one to read?! ;-)

[That_Girl]

I mean at one point the dagger will always become ineffective. You can only stab someone so many times...

I like it, Frieda. Moral number one suits the beginning better IMO.

[Frieda P]

I'd have to disagree with that Avy, sorry. If we women were smarter, maybe so...but we're like energizer bunnies, we keep going and going and going-back for more!

[That_Girl]

Haha fine, then it becomes ineffective when some of us die. ;) lol

[Frieda P]

hahaha, yep that would be the final straw, smart, I'm sure you're a member of Mensa!

[That_Girl]

lol oh for the love of god- not me. I am so far away from Mensa it's actually sad. xD

[Michael G.]

Either/or to the endings. Or make the endings both of them. Two morals... same basic meanings. Both really strong.

[Frieda P]

Thank you Michael, that's an idea, actually the second was written first...thought you guys would flinch!

[Michael G.]

I'm not going to flinch, unless I see your eyes. Then, I won't flinch... I'll run!

[Frieda P]

Ha, I thought you were one of the good old boys left with some kahuna's!

[Michael G.]

That's because I can run fast! Or at least I could at one time.
Though, my wife did follow Bob Barker's advice and had her pet spayed or neutered. (He said with a smile.)

[Frieda P]

Bob Barker? lol, wasn't he a game show host?

[Michael G.]

"The Price Is Right." He always ended by saying to always have your pet spayed or neutered.

[Frieda P]

Ewww, how strange...what's that got to do with the price of bananas?

[Michael G.]

Nothing except I really have no fear of the knife. lol. (Not much, anyway.)

[Frieda P]

Whilst your wife is yielding it or otherwise? ha

[Michael G.]

Faced down a knife... and a gun before. (Not from her, and not at the same time.) Still, watched the eyes... and the way the person was carrying themselves. At any rate, I still vote for a duel finish to this poem.

[Frieda P]

Yeah, it'll probably stay that way now, since nobody can make up my mind!

[Michael G.]

I do hope these have healing values to them.I can't imagine the world you were forced to live. This screams out... and obviously, no one heard in time. For that, I'm sorry.

[Frieda P]

Nope, no one home in this case, so every now and then I like to vomit it all over the WC...pardon me. ;-)

[Michael G.]

No apology needed. I admire the way you are going about this. I'm not so sure I would be as strong.

[Frieda P]

I don't know if it's strength or the my last grasp at sanity, been going on for quite some time now, needs to be purged, you guys are the lucky ones!

[Michael G.]

Bring it. I'll shoulder part of it. And I'm sure I'm not alone. Some pretty great people here at the cafe.

[Frieda P]

Yep, I found that out early on, some good people and brilliant talent. Thanks Michael, much appreciated. :-)

[Sirius King]

a great moral....i have to stop eating in the bushes at mcdonalds lol jk jk

[Frieda P]

You bad bad boy! ;-)

[Sirius King]

lol :-))

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

That is an interesting moral, well at least an interesting way to put it... Before seeing the ending I was thinking... you cannot give yourself completely to someone or else you lose yourself as an individual.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Dale, we're voting on the alternative ending, she the Queen's response ;-)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Well I wouldn't go against Queen Kimmer's advice... she might call for my head :)

[Frieda P]

Or make you eat cake!

[KAOlmsted]

XD

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Or take my head while I eat cake :)

[Frieda P]

True, she's clever that way! ha

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

That is right, Clever Kimmers

[KAOlmsted]

Step away to watch porn for five minutes and look what goes on ;-)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

On God you found my movie... hey I was young and needed the money.

[KAOlmsted]

It was a bukkake...you must have been seriously broke ;-)

[Frieda P]

OMG! :-O

[KAOlmsted]

That's kinda what it looked like, Frieda :-O

:-D

[Frieda P]

hahaha I thought better right after I posted, was just waiting on you hon lol :-D

[KAOlmsted]

I think we've taken this just a tad too far...and by we I mean me *laugh*

[Frieda P]

If you weren't over the top, who'd you be? ;-)

[KAOlmsted]

good point...

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

I am not sure what you two are talking bout and probably don't want to, LOL

[KAOlmsted]

Noooooooo...you really probably don't... :-D

[Frieda P]

You're so right Dale!! ;-)

[Storm K.]

I like this poem, the imagery of it is great. The only thing I think that I question is the last line, as it seems quite abrupt and doesn't flow with the rest of the words. The rhyme is still there, but the rhythm is a little off. Nice work :)

[Frieda P]

I always like to slap people in the face if I ever get the chance ;-)
Thanks....

[KAOlmsted]

See, now I honestly would not have guessed that was the moral to the story...so I'm glad you clued me in. Seemed a bit...Elizabethan maybe? Perhaps a Shakespearean actor could profess "Thine breast!" and stagger stage left? Quirky, for sure. To have this image throughout, and then to get sucker punched with the moral. You're the queen of this type of write, Frieda...we all genuflect.

[Frieda P]

hahaha, you make me *laugh* the kimmer, you hinting at being 'anointed'? ;-)

[KAOlmsted]

;-)

[Frieda P]

By the way, I did have an alternate ending, it was more slice and dice, way too Lorena Bobbit-ish! :D

[KAOlmsted]

Ah! Well then, clearly you made the right choice ;-) Although you have my, and countless others I am sure, curiosity piqued...

[Frieda P]

You tell me!


The moral to the story
could be simply learned
Slice and dice is so nice
when the onus has been earned
Maybe I should add an 'alternative' ending, let the reader choose! ha

[KAOlmsted]

I like this one better ;-) My vote has been cast.

[Frieda P]

I figured too many of the guys would be cringing in pain...oh, fook em! ;-)

[KAOlmsted]

...well, you know where I stand on that subject ;-)

[Frieda P]

...well, I certainly don't need a map! ;-)

[Rob Santana]

I never stop learning about life thank you Frieda, haha.

[Frieda P]

As it should be Creeper ;-)