Hating Fire

My little experiment with an Italian Sonnet. The subject matter isn't exactly traditional but the structure is all there.

Hating Fire

 

Like fire hatred burns through naked vein

Consuming and tearing apart one’s life

It’s hatred that fills human souls with strife

Hatred that delights in all of your pain

 

Hatred froths and bubbles like acid rain

With hatred’s touch violence is always rife

Hatred rips through love like a sharpened knife

Red-cloaked hatred is life’s eternal bane.

 

But hatred will not have a hold on me

The world waits for the dawning of love

With hatred overcome I am now free

My wrists were bound but caring is the key

Replace hate’s monster with true love’s pure dove

Put out hatred’s fire and heed this plea.

 

Author's Note

Let me know what you think! I'm not afraid of criticism!

Reviews

[Syke]

I think the first line would read better if it ended veins, instead of vein. I think the second line of the last stanza should be awaits, or you could add a word before love like true, free, pure, etc. Otherwise it's a great poem and really meaningful. Not sure what an Italian Sonnet is, but great use of iambic pentameter.

[sorentense]

Wow... I can't comment on the structure, because I don't know what an Italian sonnet ought to sound like. However... I love the different and painful metaphors that you chose for hatred, and I think it's wonderful. Well, you did include love at the end, so TECHNICALLY it's not THAT untraditional.

Um. Can you help me find the fave button?

[Hope]

I love the transition, "but hatred will not have a hold on me"
The experiment has turned into a total success.
You use great symbolism using hatred and fire being evil and Satan
And you remind us that hope and Love are on His way :D

[JudyC]

Hatred froths and bubbles like acid rain
With hatred's touch violence is always rife
Hatred rips through love like a sharpened knife
Red-cloaked hatred is life's eternal bane.

I like these strong images that illustrate the violence of hatred. The last six lines provide a necessary hopeful note: the line "the world waits for the dawning of love" reassures us that love will eventually triumph. I like the idea of writing non-tradititonal subject matter in a traditional form. Good job!

[bubblepup13]

Not a common form, but used very effectively. Be careful not to sacrifice meaning for the sake of rhyme.