Chapter Nine: Beneath the Bridge (Christian Cassidy)

Alone, Christian despairs...and prays

June, 2013

            My clothes are torn; ruined; and I'm coated in blood. It's not my blood; it's the blood of Rayna and Theodore Cunningham. Two people who I considered family. I killed them. I killed the closest thing my sister has had to parents since Jaden and I took her from our Aunt Rose.

            All along Rayna was an informant for the Pack. I have not felt so betrayed since my own mother decided her loyalties...and they weren't her children.

            I think somewhere, deep down in her twisted soul, Rayna loved us; Molly, especially. Only her loyalty to the Pack trumped that.

            Jaden carries an unconscious Molly into the farmhouse and lays her down on her bed. He gently brushes her hair back from her face. Her bite wound is already healing. Soon it will be  another scar, like the ones on her forehead and her left hand. Only this scar will be far more than a reminder of a past injury. This scar will change her; alter her at her very core. This one will make her into something that is less than human; something like me.

            She's about to begin the transition from human to werewolf. She'll need me. I have to be strong for her. But I can't be. I am filled with self-loathing. All I can think is that I've failed her in the worst possible way.

            I feel like I'm suffocating. My body is trembling; begging me to transform; to be free and run away. To run far, far away and never return; to abandon all of my responsibilities, and leave all of my burdens behind.

            Jaden gives me a look. He nods subtly. I understand that gesture. It means that I can go, and that he'll take care of Molly. I should be here beside her when she wakes, but if I stay I'm afraid I might explode.

            I nod back, silently promising him that I'll come back. The wolf part of me is the part that seeks release; that longs to disappear into the wilderness forever. The rational, human part of me knows that I would never desert my siblings.

            I burst through the front door. As soon as I'm outside, I'm a wolf. I don't even bother to strip off my clothes; there's no point. I glance in the direction of the woods behind the farmhouse property, but then change my mind and head down the main road. My paws pound the pavement. Thankfully it's the middle of the night, and the Cunningham's neighbors are asleep. It might raise concerns if one of them were to witness a giant wolf roaming about, and the last thing I need is to borrow more trouble.

            A few miles away, just off to the side of the road, I discover a bridge. It's creaky and swings in the light breeze. A few of its boards are missing, and the rope that holds it up is starting to fray. Below it is a muddy bank that must have once been a running creak, but is no longer.

            I slide down the short hill, my paws slipping on the loose earth. I collapse beneath the bridge and transform back into my human form. I pull up my knees and wrap my arms around my legs. I close my eyes.

            My father is in Heaven. He must be. He was such a good man that I can't imagine any other fate befalling him. I haven't prayed in a long time, but this night I do, and I hope that my father is listening.

            "I'm sorry." I whisper aloud. "I didn't want to...I didn't want to kill them. I did it to protect Molly."

            Jaden was the one who killed their son; I watched him snap Jasper's neck with his teeth; but Rayna and Ted blamed Molly.

            I would have killed Rayna simply for her confession that she was working for the Pack. If Ted hadn't threatened my sister and brother's lives, then I probably would have let him walk.

            I'd never killed a human before, but I didn't hesitate to rip the Cunninghams apart as soon as I saw them as a menace to my family. I easily overpowered them. They'd been wolves far longer than I, but they were distracted by their grief. Such emotions are a weakness; they make you vulnerable.

            I can't bring myself to fully regret my actions. Not if they kept my siblings safe.

            But even if I saved Molly from Jasper's parents, it wasn't enough. She was still bitten. I didn't save her at all.

            "I was too late, and I wasn't strong enough." I sigh heavily. "I failed, father. I failed you and her and I'm so, so sorry." Tears leak from my closed lids.

            "Everything I've ever done since you died has been for her, but it was all for nothing. She's been turned. All because I placed my trust in Rayna and Ted. I wanted a family; a real, whole family for myself and Jaden and her. I wanted parents for her; a mother and a father. I thought the Cunninghams could be that for her. I never should have trusted them.

            "I tried so hard, father, to hold onto you; to be you. I wear your boots, I carry your wallet, I drive your truck, and I even call Molly baby girl just like you did. But I'm not you." More tears come. They streak down my cheeks in jagged lines.

            "I need you." I mutter. "I need your forgiveness for my failures. I need your unconditional love. I need your strength and your guidance. Please." My voice breaks.

            I wait beneath the bridge, in the mud, for some kind of sign from my father to let me know he's heard me. My only response is the croak of a frog. Or perhaps it's a toad.

            The longer I wait, the weaker I begin to feel. My energy leeches out of me. My head is pounding. I rub at my temples. I haven't had a bad headache in over a decade.

            Over an hour must pass. My will is gone. For the first time in my life, I feel completely hopeless and truly alone.

            Then, suddenly, a most glorious warmth fills me. The night is hot, but this is different. This radiates from within me. It fills me with much needed strength. I cannot hear his voice, but I know that it's him, urging me to stand, to move forward. To go on. So I do.

            After a few shaking steps, I trip over a tree root and fall onto my hands and knees. Rather than get back up, I transform and take off running.

            Even I have to admit there are advantages to being a wolf. I am faster in this form, and more agile.

            I pause in a stream to wash off the blood, mud, and sweat. By the time I reach the farmhouse, the sun is beginning to rise on the horizon.

            I transition back into my human form and enter the house, trying to be as quiet as possible, in case my siblings are sleeping.

            I change into fresh clothes; Ted's, as we were approximately the same stature; and then head towards the bedroom where my siblings wait for me. I hesitate with my hand on the doorknob.

            My desire to flee has faded. My father has given me the strength to fight those animal impulses. He's reminded me of what's truly important; to take care of my family. They are all that I have left.

            With a deep breath, I turn the knob, push open the door, and face the consequences of my decisions.