CHAPTER VI. THE HYPERCRITICAL

      

Her high school days turned out to be just okay than she worst imagine it. Now she has a fresh start in college. A good way to start everything new.

As she started her college years, she met a guy, named Raffy. He courted her and after three months she finally accepted his love.

She felt that this guy was meant for her. In the few more months they have been dating, it was her happiest time. Studying and dating seems a good mix. Until one day he asked her something…

“Come with me tonight.” he said to her.

“Where to?”

“In our house. I want you to meet my parents.”

“R-Raffy?” she’s torn between happiness and fear that she stutter in saying something. Yet she didn’t say anything and hug her way out of it.

“Is this hug a yes?” He asked her.

Silently, Alyssa nod in respond.

As they arrived at his house, there she discovered that it was fear all along when she now stood in front of his mother. She scrutinized her deeply, from head to toe and with an arching eye brow.

Raffy was the one who spoke first. “W-What’s wrong, Mom?”

“I can see something in her that I don’t like.” she frankly said.

Alyssa seems to tremble as she heard her words. The situation now is very nerve racking. I feel so trap like being scrutinize as if I have done something wrong.

“W-What?” Raffy again asked for clarification.

“She has a mole on her cheek, below her left eye. She’ll not be a good partner to you. Traditions have said it.” she said to her son.

“But, Mom. I love her,” Raffy’s voice was shaking in fear.

“You love her but I don’t like her! She’s not from a family with a good name. In fact she’s a no one. An inhabitant of lower Suburban, in short she’s poor.”

Alyssa wanted to melt like ice in order to get away quickly. Away from this humiliation that his mother have brought upon her. Her tears seems to flow on its own. She can’t say a word or even move. Standing practically still and can’t defend herself from all the agonizing stares. And Raffy, didn’t seem to care and even defending her is out of the question. They both remained stunned by the moment.

“I will call Trixie. She just arrived yesterday from Paris. She wants to meet you again. It’s been a long time that you two are not seeing each other. She is much suitable for you than this girl. You must marry with equivalent status, not just someone you love. Love can’t feed you.” It was Raffy’s mother who breaks the silence.

“B-But how about Alyssa?”

“Alyssa knows what to do now. Isn’t it, lady? Hmnn?”

“I-I’ll go home now,” she said.
“I-I’ll go with you,” said Raffy.
“No need, Raffy. I can go alone.”
“Yes, Raffy, she can go alone.” Raffy’s mother sarcastically said.
“But mom.” Raffy replied back.
“You stay young man or else I’ll disown you!” Commanded by her mother with full authority.

Reviews

[Pax]

My editions:

Her high school days turned out to be just okay than she worst imagine it. Now she have a fresh start in college. A good way to start everything new.

As she started her college years, she met a guy, named Raffy. He courted her and after three months after she finally accepted his love.

She felt that this guy was meant for her. In the few more months they have been dating, it was her happiest time. Studying and dating seems a good mix. Until one day he asked her something…

“Come with me tonight.” he said to her.

“Where to?”

“In our house. I want you to meet my parents.”

“R-Raffy?” she’s torn between happiness and fear that she stutter in saying something. Yet she didn’t say anything and hug her way out of it.

“Is this hug a yes?” He asked her.

Silently, Alyssa nod in respond.

As they arrived at his house, there she discovered that it was fear all along when she now stood in front of his mother. She scrutinized her deeply, from head to toe and with an arching eye brow.

Raffy was the one who spoke first. “W-What’s wrong, Mom?”

“I can see something in her that I don’t like.” she frankly said.

Alyssa seems to tremble as she heard her words. The situation now is very nerve racking. I feel so trap like being scrutinize as if I have done something wrong.

“W-What?” Raffy again asked for clarification.

“She has a mole on her cheek, below her left eye. She’ll not be a good partner to you. Traditions have said it.” she said to her son.

“But, Mom. I love her,” Raffy’s voice was shaking in fear.

“You love her but I don’t like her! She’s not from a family with a good name. In fact she’s a no one. An inhabitant of lower Suburban, in short she’s poor.”

Alyssa wanted to melt like ice in order to get away quickly. Away from this humiliation that his mother have brought upon her. Her tears seems to flow on its own. She can’t say a word or even move. Standing practically still and can’t defend herself from all the agonizing stares. And Raffy, didn’t seems to do care and even defending her is out of the question. They both remained stunned by the moment.

“I will call Trixie. She just arrived yesterday from Paris. She wants to meet you again. It’s been a long time that you two are not seeing each other. She is much suitable for you than this girl. You must marry with equivalent status, not just someone you love. Love can’t feed you.” It was Raffy’s mother who breaks the silence.

“B-But how about Alyssa?”

“Alyssa knows what to do now. Isn’t it, lady? Hmnn?”

“I-I’ll go home now,” she said.
“I-I’ll go with you,” said Raffy.
“No need, Raffy. I can go alone.”
“Yes, Raffy, she can go alone.” Raffy’s mother sarcastically said.
“But mom.” Raffy replied back.
“You stay young man or else I’ll disowned you!” Commanded by her mother with full authority.

My comments:

~ I copied it all and edit it this way, because I might get lost along the way so para naring walang confusion, and para na rin copy paste ka nalang … easy na.. :)

Everything was really smooth flowing now. I just wish you put more dialog on Raffy’s response to his mother. About her and Trixie – perhaps you could say they broke up long time ago. I really wanted to put that but I didn’t because I know this is part of his personality – Raffy’s personality. He can’t defend the one he loves. I guess he’s too dependent on the his parents money, and probably his not yet ready for that – to stand on his own.

Well I could say, I have seen something like this in some teleserye. The rich and the poor girl. It’s a common plot, that I always love. Its nice to put your own twist on it, that is why you have done a good job on it too..

Very nice pretty friend…

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Sus, salamat gyud dong. =)

[Pax]

hehe, parang bisaya... :D
walang anu man :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Bisaya man gyud. Kala mo di ako marunong ha? Multi-lingual to, bro.

[Pax]

haha, napansin mo ang taray na ngayon nang mama niya...haha
nagustohan mo ba yung intro, ginawa ko lang yan, para di mawala yung mga readers mo.. para medyo balance naman... :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Ah, bahala ka jan. Ginawa mong sobrang taray...sana makarma sya sa huli. I hate "mataray"! LOL

[Pax]

haha, ano ka ba, sa isang show, kailangan mo nang strong na kaaway kung hindi di siya masyadong interesting sa mga tao.. :D

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Hehe. Hindi naman interesting to. BTW, you have a question at FB about this..."when did I write this one?" This was written after my graduation in college...summer...I'm applying for a job at Cavite City. I made in the story that she is only in a dream...those things were in the past...at present she is a teacher already.. . Ganon daw kasi yun, gawan mo ng story ang buhay mo at gawan mo ng gusto mong ending. Then, after some months, the news came..I passed the Licensure Examination for Teachers..so I came back here in my hometown.

[Pax]

oh, very nice, ganun talaga segoro, interesting naman siya, simple and quite fun to read... and edit as well...

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Huh, quite fun to edit lang talaga reason mo noh? Ikaw pa. Kilala na kita. Hehehe

[Coyote Poetry]

The chapter was very good. The old ways were good and bad. Can't rate a life by a few glances. I didn't like how Raffy didn't stand up for himself. No weakness in the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you for the support, CP.