Chapter 18: Feel

Abigail wakes up.

Abigail.

It's cold,

it's cold and wet

     I can feel

the morning
dampness
seeping

through my
thin shirt and
creeping into
my bones.

I can feel

the pain. Pain
is everywhere.
Even my lungs
struggle to
take air in.

I can feel

the bruises. No
surface of skin is
comprised by the
brutal internal
bleeding, sitting


under my epithelial
 layer of skin.

I can feel

the shame. My
throat burns

from excessive
screaming. The
cool air strokes
the harsh tissue,
a soothing tool.

Finally,

I can feel

the tears
streaming
down my

face as the
fact dawns
on me that
the space
between my

legs has a
more significant
pain. An aching,
a longing, for
something stolen.

I can feel

and I wish I couldn't.


I've heard many stories,

of young girls being
raped. I'm sure everyone

has. But to think it'd
ever happen to me?

It isn't something
I normally think about.

How could someone
take something like that

from another human being?
I drive all these thoughts

from my head, because
I know they won't change

the fact that I have been-
The thought of the word

is even too much. If I
had my phone I'd call

Tyler, who'd pick me up
without questions asked,

take me home and accept
whatever halfass excuse

I'd pathetically send his
way. Of, course he would.

But he's not here, he's
dead.

And I know that is a
strong possibility for

me as well if I stay here.
Wherever here is.


I'm not able to move for a while,

opening my eyes seems to be
the easiest part of all because
every time I try to lift my head,

a dense, excruciating pain rings
in my ears. There's a numbing
sensation and I momentarily

pass out from the discomfort.
Eventually it becomes tolerable
and I'm able to lift my head, place

my hand behind it and crane my
neck upwards. I try to move my
other arm for extra support, but

it's no use. I've lost all feeling in
it and I'm sure it's broken. The
realization is slowly sinking into

my appendages, creeping up on
the last hope I have of ever getting
up. With my head in the air I can

at least identify my surroundings.
I'm almost positive that I am laying
in a ditch. My view of up is only of

the early morning sky. Threatening
to drag me into the afternoon, and
then the cold, frost bitten night.

I wonder if I'll be here that long,
anything's possible right now.
Tears flood my vision as I lazily

dig my right foot around in the
 thick mud. Grassy walls roll up
 on either side of me, caving me

in. I could easily be dead right
now. Who knows, maybe some
where throughout my attacker's

assault, I passed out and my
breathing was shallow enough
for them to announce my death.


Death,

I could be dead right
            now.
Maybe I wish I were,
            wish

they would've been smart
          enough
to do a thorough check of my
         breathing
and send one last baseball

               bat swing
into my temple or a single
                bullet
through my skull. I can

              feel
it now, making no difference.
           I may
as well be dead, because on

             the inside
I am. To go home now would
             be sudden
death. I can tell by the light

           dew on the
ground and the swirls of pinks
          and oranges
in the sky that it is early

              Sunday.
Meaning soon, the 'rents
              will be up
and on their way to church.

           Wondering
where their precious Abigail
           is. When I
didn't arrive home, I'm sure

           mom had called
Jamie, who'd drunkenly murmur
          something about
me going home with someone

                   else.
She'd say it in a negative, blunt
                 matter,
    hoping to get me in trouble

              to get back at
me for embarrassing her in front
          of Peyton Greene.
Well, she can have the stupid idiot

              I had
been lusting over almost
                all
   of my high school life.

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Not bad. Normally I object to playing games with formatting, but I think it does work to some degree for you. You have a good concept and very good execution - your words are vibrant and your imagery is vivid and lifelike. Very well done.